People with Disabilities – Crossroads Diversified

Helping to Give Individuals a Sense of PurposeThough we have evolved now provide employment services to all job seekers wanting to get back to work, one main focus still remains serving people with disabilities. We recognize that a steady job not only gives individuals a sense of purpose, but for people with disabilities, it also often plays an important role in helping to maintain good mental health and a sense of normality. In addition, the unemployment rate for persons with a disability was 15.0 percent in 2011, well above the figure of 8.7 percent for those with no disability. (Source: U.S. Dept of Labor Statistics) This disproportionately high rate of unemployment contributes greatly to the national cost of individual entitlements in the form of disability benefits and unemployment payments.Crossroads provides a full-range of vocational rehabilitation, supported employment and job placement services for people with disabilities.  Through individualized services, our clients are able to successfully secure and maintain employment. Many of Crossroads’ facility services employees began first as Crossroads clients – struggling with a disability but yet having that desire to work and become more self-sufficient. With Crossroads’ help, they became employees of the organization; some have been with us for more than 30 years!The categories of services which we provide our clients with disabilities include:Create a PlanPrepare for WorkFind Your Job and Stay EmployedCreate a PlanEvery individual’s path in life is different – whether you are meant for a job in front of a computer or behind a lawn mower – having a sound plan is the first step towards success. At Crossroads, we will first conduct a vocational assessment with you – the first step to help you create a plan based on your interest, your skills, and your strengths. We will also consider any barriers you may have to finding a job, and help you outline the steps necessary to achieve your goals.If you are ready to create a job search plan, call Crossroads at (916) 457-1900 or email us at ces@crossroadsdiversified.com.Prepare for WorkWhether you are looking for a job for the very first time or want to retrain to make yourself more marketable in an increasingly competitive job market, Crossroads can help you prepare for this next step. Depending on your level of experience, your ability and capacity to work, you may need a variety of services so that you are best positioned for a successful job search. Crossroads can provide these services.From fundamental skills like filling out a job application and answering standard interview questions to acquiring specific technical skills like vocational training, Crossroads can provide comprehensive supportive services that individuals need to entering or re-entering the labor force.Services that Crossroads can provide to people with disabilities include:Filling out an applicationSoft skills trainingResume writingInterview prepJob retention strategiesIf you want to figure out what you need to be prepared for your first or your next job, call Crossroads at (916) 457-1900 or email us at ces@crossroadsdiversified.com.Find Your Job and Stay EmployedOnline job postings, word of mouth, “help wanted” signs on the windows of local retailers…there are so many different ways to find job opportunities. But how do you find the one that is right for you? For people with disabilities or other barriers, this task can be especially daunting.At Crossroads, we have nearly 35 years of experience in helping job seekers with special needs find appropriate employment. We seek and build relationships with local businesses that share our philosophy that hiring people with disabilities not only enriches our community, but also contributes to their bottom line.Crossroads has helped place quality job seekers with businesses like Safeway, Subway, Home Depot, JimBoys Tacos and other small and large local businesses. Depending on your needs and your eligibility, Crossroads may be able to provide additional services that will help you stay employed once you find your job, such as follow-along services to help coordinate employer accommodations. You may also qualify for transportation assistance, in which case Crossroads can provide public transportation vouchers.If you want to know if you qualify for job placement and ongoing support services, call Crossroads at (916) 457-1900 or email us at ces@crossroadsdiversified.com.Crossroads also a proud partner of Ticket to Work – an employment program for people with disabilities who are interested in going to work. The Ticket Program is part of the Ticket-to-Work and Work Incentives Improvement Act of 1999–legislation designed to remove many of the barriers that previously influenced people’s decisions about going to work because of the concerns over losing health care coverage. The goal of the Ticket Program is to increase opportunities and choices for Social Security disability beneficiaries to obtain

Source: People with Disabilities – Crossroads Diversified

Advertisements

Introducing Stronger Than Pain as an upcoming NPO for Suicide Prevention and Relief

On June 7th 2017, my son announced that together we’ve began the process of becoming a non profit organization. Our mission is suicide prevention and relief, techniques, support and services with mental health awareness at the heart of our reasoning.


After a considerable amount of discussion, I have opted to begin the process of starting a 501(C)(3) Non-Profit Organization with the help of my mother Twinkle Our mission will be suicide prevention and relief along with mental health awareness. We have begun the process of filing paperwork with state and federal. We lose over 40,000 people a year from suicide, over 5,000 of those are Veterans, over 250 are First Responders, and our goal is to help lower that number. Please like our Facebook page StrongerThanPain as we are currently working on building our website. Please email Info@StrongerThanPain.Org for any inquires.


While I chose not to form an NPO for chronic pain and RSD/CRPS over the years because I appreciated being apart of others as a volunteer, I’ve opted to do so with my son.

“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Mental health is at the core of every physical ailment and physical decline, illness and disability becomes a hardship to mental stability.

Suicidal ideations, attempted suicide and suicides themselves affect our soldiers, first responders, physicians, chronic pain patients, at risk youth, LGBT-Q, all of us.

We want to help you believe that who you are is enough, what you do is enough, we want you to know that you’re loved and appreciated and we want to help you either stay or become stronger than pain.

We want to assist you in healing your body, mind and spirit. We want to help you overcome not just emotions but obstacles too.

As we build our brand and develop our website, we’d like to invite you to like Stronger Than Pain on Facebook.

Follow us on Twitter

Or Email with any inquiries, suggestions or for interest in joining us at: info@strongerthanpain.org

Every donation counts toward helping us help you, every like is worth just as much.

http://strongerthanpain.org/donatenow/

We’re proceeding through the proper steps and our initial paper work is currently being processed for filing with state and federal agencies to obtain our status.

While our website is currently under construction and we’ve only just begun we want you know that we have.

Stronger Than Pain Logo

Facebook Deactivation | RSD(S)-CRPS Advisory Info & Support Group

By December 2nd my Facebook was deactivated. Even though I had considered it over the years, I was worried about losing my group and pages as a result, especially my RSD(S)-CRPS Advisory Info & Support Group created 13 years ago at another location. It was a spontaneous decision and one I have not regretted once.

This Group now belongs to Trudy Thomas featured Blog Talk Radio Host of The Body, Mind and Spirit Network and honorary leader of my group since it was moved to Facebook. If I choose to return it will be both Trudy’s and mine. Craig Fletcher remains an Admin/Leader and Erik and Kurtis VanFleet remain admins for the purpose of recovery. So that there are no misunderstandings Trudy is now me for the Group. Her decisions are as the current owner of the group. I have no doubts in her ability, choices, or decisions. I trust her to fulfill my vision, passion and purpose for which it was founded for.

Trudy is not available for drama, or he say’s she say’s. She would be available as able, as I was, in the event of an emergency situation such as specific breaking of the rules that were established long ago, or those being malicious or instigating toward one another. I may be involved from the background with updates from Trudy though I will not require them.

I’ll always want to know if all is okay. That’s because I care a bit too much and to my own detriment. Being an empath/sensitive only causes me to feel your pain, feelings, thoughts, dislikes, and emotions I rather not feel of you because then I’m over flowing with mine and yours, too.

Trudy is learning to live again and without her husband Mel of over 40 years. It’s only been a month since she lost him to inoperable cancer which had only been discovered 4 months before.

About 2 months ago I had posted on Facebook about Trudy, her situation, about someone we all knew (most of us) and it was a long post but I hadn’t shared who she was. This post was taken so far out of context from a few people believing I was talking about myself that I was dumbfounded. This wasn’t the only post misunderstood. I’ve posted random comments about family, life. I’ve shared meme’s, music, lyrics, poetry that of other’s and some of my own. I’ve shared lines or stanza’s in pieces and parts. Even those are taken adverse. I’m well aware that once it’s on the internet it’s always on the internet. I’m aware that if we make a post that we can’t expect others to comment if we put ourselves out there. Of course. I would never hop onto someone else’s page to scold them or entice an argument. I have however replied on my own page when someone bounces onto mine.

My point is that not everything is internet or online related, and sometimes things are. In this post it was online related, yet taken as something else, when an offline related post is assumed to be about online people. The perception is so often opposite of the intent. Left to interpretation by tone of type. The assumed tone of voice or mannerisms in the typed form of communication.

Please be mindful of Trudy’s loss. My heart continues to break for her.

Facebook is nothing but a trigger for me in my own healing and progress.

The Edge. There is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.
~Hunter S. Thompson

I’m still doing well since completing the Gohl Program on the 28th of October and will continue to provide progress updates on Manual Ligament Therapy (MLT) as able.

I’m still on Twitter @rsdcrpsfire and my other social media accounts are in tact at this time. I’m still an avid researcher and as hungry to learn as I’ve ever been. I’m also looking for work to attempt to provide for my husband and I.

Since resigning from iPain I have not joined any other organization, nor will I. I’ll share and support as I always had.

I made it to the California State Capital to support Mr. Nate Torgerson, Chief Engineer, Medtronic Stimulation Pain Therapies on December 4th at the California International Marathon where I was right there near the finish line to support him as he crossed it.

medtronic-nate-torgerson-crosses-the-finish-line-california-international-marathon-december-4-2016-photo-by-twinkle-vanfleet-jpg-large

Medtronic Chief Engineer, Pain Stimulation Therapies Nate Torgerson crosses the finish line at the California International Marathon in Sacramento. Photo credit: Twinkle VanFleet

I had the honor and privilege of meeting him later that evening for dinner.

Great conversation, sharing, learning, and food at Zocalo’s in downtown Sacramento. He asked me about my experience winning the Live On Give On Bakken award, and I told him what a surprise it had been to learn that I had and the honor it was to receive it from the hands of Dr. Earl Bakken himself.  Dr. Bakken is the co founder of Medtronic. Forever grateful to be chosen as 1 of 12 recognized internationally and being 1 of 2 from the United States. Twinkle VanFleet, Sacramento California. 

twinkle_vanfleet_carousel2

Twinkle VanFleet, Sacramento, CA, LiveOnGiveOn.org recipient. Original Press Release Photo.

Another honor was being contacted by Mr. Pat Anson of the Pain News Network to consider offering comment on an upcoming article. I accepted.

Opioid Pain Meds Rarely Involved in Suicide Attempts
December 05, 2016 By Pat Anson, Editor


I’ll keep sharing my story, what happened, how it happened, when it happened and anything else I can to support those lost by pain related suicide. As well as those survivors who can never go back to the moment before they attempted to take their own lives. I don’t get to go back and pray for an option, help, that wasn’t there but I can go forward understanding why they did it, what the breaking point was, how severe physical pain was to go against all they believed in just to be free from pain and suffering.

My casting calls are still booming with possibilities since I updated a couple of weeks ago. For now, I’m deciding, and brushing up on the various characters I can play.

Offline, I have an amazing reputation, respected in advocacy, legislation, held in wonderful regard by those that matter, including those in authority, business, politics, and healthcare even when in disagreement over a bill, debate or topic. Online, unless we already know each other, or have met in person it will rarely be the same because what you see isn’t always what you get and what you get isn’t what you’ve already given.

It’s all a stage.

Be good to one another.

~Twinkle VanFleet

#StrongerThanPain

Review: August and September 2016. California Advocacy Day (NPAF | CCCC) Music Moves Awareness (iPain)

On August 1st and 2nd, I was honored to have been invited to attend the California Advocacy Day, debriefing and meetings with Senators and/or their staff at the California State Capital via the National Patient Advocate Foundation (NPAF) and the California Chronic Care Coalition. Attending as the Advocacy Director of the International Pain Foundation and NPAF patient advocate, I had the privilege of meeting many new people including Liz Helm, and be in the presence of others I’ve crossed paths with at the Capital over the years.

caadvocacyday-aug-2-16-npaf-cccc-ipain-castatecapital

For the last 2 years the International Pain Foundation has been working on a multifaceted project. Music Moves Awareness premiered on September 1, 2016 in Los Angeles, California. Releasing their Debut song Hope is True, iPain moved to inspire everyone with an an upbeat, inspirational dance  tune that can get patients moving simply by it’s enthusiastic beats.

The 12 Steps to Patient Empowerment was developed with each contributing writer not knowing what they were writing about. The most amazing challenge to create without secondary knowledge and the best outcome that might be hoped for. https://powerofpain.org/ipain-living-magazine/

Copies are available for your business, offices, health establishments. Please contact: media@internationalpain.org or contact me directly at: twinkle@internationalpain.org

Meet the iPain Featurettes https://powerofpain.org/ipain-featurettes/ 

Nominated and awarded the Melanie McDowell Awareness and Advocacy Award – Hero of hope 2016. Smiles for miles.

twinkle-vanfleet-receiving-ipain-heroofhope-award-from-barby-ingle-musicmovesawareness-september-1-2016-los-angeles-ca-in-los-angeles-california

https://powerofpain.org/heroes-of-hope/

with-mr-dominick-spatafora-president-neuropathy-action-foundation-naf-musicmovesawareness

This year was an accumulation of heartache and hope.

twinkle-vanfleet-liveongiveon-ipain-recognition

the-morning-after-mma-premiere-party-gayle-twinkle-and-barby-september-2-2016

The morning after Music Moves Awareness debut in Los Angeles California. Gayle M. Taylor-Ford, iPain Board of Directors and author of Step 10 – Pain Management, Twinkle VanFleet, Advocacy Director,  Melanie McDowell Hero of Hope recipient, iPain, and Barby Ingle, President International Pain Foundation and author of Step 1 – Empower! and co author of Step 3 Discussion – with Sara Hobbs. internationalpain.org

I’m thrilled to be the author of Step 2- Responsibility. 12 Steps to Patient Empowerment and feature- Stronger Than Pain in the current addition of iPain Living Magazine.

Godspeed.

CA [R] SB 1160 – Workers Compensation

Commentary- It’s important to establish responsibility for not only the injured worker which seems to be set forth much more clearly, but also for those who control the injured workers life in care, ongoing care, and quality of life. This must include employers, insurance adjusters, attorney’s and those who set back the process of diagnosis, healing, and access to proper and timely care for these injured workers without delay, denials, or stall tactics.

Number: CA [R] SB 1160 – Workers Compensation
Updated (Status 09/10/2016) Sponsor: Sen. Tony Mendoza (DEM-CA)
Introduced by Senator Mendoza
(Principal coauthor: Senator Pan)

ca-state-capital-photo-by-twinklev

February 18, 2016

An act to amend Sections 138.4, 138.6, 4610.5, 4610.6, 4903.05, 4903.8, 5307.27, 5710, 5811, and 6409 of, to amend, repeal, and add Section 4610 of, and to add Section 4615 to, the Labor Code, relating to workers’ compensation.

According to the Legislative Counsil Digest existing law establishes a workers’ compensation system, administered by the Administrative Director of the Division of Workers’ Compensation, to compensate an employee for injuries sustained in the course of his or her employment.
Existing law requires the administrative director to develop and make available informational material written in plain language that describes the overall workers’ compensation claims process, as specified.
This bill would require the administrative director to adopt regulations to provide employees with notice regarding access to medical treatment following the denial of a claim under the workers’ compensation system.
Existing law requires the Administrative Director of the Division of Workers’ Compensation of the Department of Industrial Relations to develop a workers’ compensation information system in consultation with the Insurance Commissioner and the Workers’ Compensation Insurance Rating Bureau, with certain data to be collected electronically and to be compatible with the Electronic Data Interchange System of the International Association of Industrial Accident Boards and Commissions. Existing law requires the administrative director to assess an administrative penalty of not more than $5,000 in a single year against a claims administrator for a violation of those data reporting requirements.
This bill would increase that penalty assessment to not more than $10,000. The bill would require the administrative director to post on the Division of Workers’ Compensation Internet Web site a list of claims administrators who are in violation of the data reporting requirements.
Existing law requires every employer to establish a utilization review process, and defines “utilization review” as utilization review or utilization management functions that prospectively, retrospectively, or concurrently review and approve, modify, delay, or deny, based in whole or in part on medical necessity to cure and relieve, treatment recommendations by physicians, prior to, retrospectively, or concurrent with providing medical treatment services. Existing law also provides for an independent medical review process to resolve disputes over utilization review decisions, as defined.
This bill would revise and recast provisions relating to utilization review, as specified, with regard to injuries occurring on or after January 1, 2018. Among other things, the bill would set forth the medical treatment services that would be subject to prospective utilization review under these provisions, as provided. The bill would authorize retrospective utilization review for treatment provided under these provisions under limited circumstances, as specified. The bill would establish procedures for prospective and retrospective utilization reviews and set forth provisions for removal of a physician or provider under designated circumstances. On and after January 1, 2018, the bill would establish new procedures for reviewing determinations regarding the medical necessity of medication prescribed pursuant to the drug formulary adopted by the administrative director, as provided. The bill would make conforming changes to related provisions to implement these changes.

The bill would, commencing July 1, 2018, require each utilization review process to be accredited by an independent, nonprofit organization to certify that the utilization review process meets specified criteria, including, but not limited to, timeliness in issuing a utilization review decision, the scope of medical material used in issuing a utilization review decision, and requiring a policy preventing financial incentives to doctors and other providers based on the utilization review decision. The bill would require the administrative director to adopt rules to implement the selection of an independent, nonprofit organization for accreditation purposes, as specified. The bill would authorize the administrative director to adopt rules to require additional specific criteria for measuring the quality of a utilization review process for purposes of accreditation and provide for certain exemptions. The bill would require the administrative director to develop a system for electronic reporting of documents related to utilization review performed by each employer, to be administered by the division. The bill would require the administrative director, on or after March 1, 2019, to contract with an outside independent research organization to evaluate and report on the impact of provision of medical treatment within the first 30 days after a claim is filed, for claims filed on or after January 1, 2017, to January 1, 2019. The bill would require the report to be completed before January 1, 2020, and to be distributed to the administrative director, the Senate Committee on Labor and Industrial Relations, and the Assembly Committee on Insurance.
Existing law requires every lien claimant to file its lien with the appeals board in writing upon a form approved by the appeals board. Existing law requires a lien to be accompanied by a full statement or itemized voucher supporting the lien and justifying the right to reimbursement, as specified.
This bill would require certain lien claimants that file a lien under these provisions to do so by filing a declaration, under penalty of perjury, that includes specified information. The bill would require current lien claimants to also file the declaration by a specified date. The bill would make a failure to file a declaration under these provisions grounds for dismissal of a lien. Because the bill would expand the crime of perjury, the bill would impose a state-mandated local program.
The bill would also automatically stay any physician or provider lien upon the filing of criminal charges against that person or entity for specified offenses involving medical fraud, as provided. The bill would authorize the administrative director to adopt regulations to implement that provision. The bill would state findings and declarations of the Legislature in connection with these provisions.
Existing law prohibits the assignment of a lien under these provisions, except under limited circumstances, as specified.
This bill would, for liens filed after January 1, 2017, invalidate any assignment of a lien made in violation of these provisions, by operation of law.
Existing law requires the administrative director, in consultation with the Commission on Health and Safety and Workers’ Compensation, to adopt, after public hearings, a medical treatment utilization schedule to incorporate evidence-based, peer-reviewed, nationally recognized standards of care recommended by the commission, as specified.
This bill would authorize the administrative director to make updates to the utilization schedule by order, which would not be subject to the Administrative Procedure Act, as specified. The bill would require any order adopted pursuant to these provisions to be published on the Internet Web site of the division.
Existing law requires a deponent to receive certain expenses and reimbursements if an employer or insurance carrier requests a deposition to be taken of an injured employee, or any person claiming benefits as a dependent of an injured employee. Existing law authorizes the deponent to receive a reasonable allowance for attorney’s fees, if represented by an attorney licensed in this state.
This bill would authorize the administrative director to determine the range of reasonable fees to be paid to a deponent.
Existing law provides that it is the responsibility of any party producing a witness requiring an interpreter to arrange for the presence of a qualified interpreter. Existing law sets forth the qualifications of a qualified interpreter for these purposes, and provides for the settings under which a qualified interpreter may render services.
This bill would require the administrative director to promulgate regulations establishing criteria to verify the identity and credentials of individuals that provide interpreter services under these provisions.
Existing law requires physicians, as defined, who attend to injured or ill employees to file reports with specific information prescribed by law.
This bill would revise those reporting requirements, as prescribed.
This bill would incorporate changes to Section 4610 of the Labor Code proposed by AB 2503, to be operative as specified if both bills are enacted.
Existing constitutional provisions require that a statute that limits the right of access to the meetings of public bodies or the writings of public officials and agencies be adopted with findings demonstrating the interest protected by the limitation and the need for protecting that interest.
This bill would make legislative findings to that effect.
The California Constitution requires the state to reimburse local agencies and school districts for certain costs mandated by the state. Statutory provisions establish procedures for making that reimbursement.
This bill would provide that no reimbursement is required by this act for a specified reason.

For more information-
Bill Text
The people of the State of California do enact as follows:
Read the full text –
http://www.cqstatetrack.com/texis/redir?id=56c6cbba47

See references:

State Pain Policy Advocacy Network (SPPAN)
http://sppan.aapainmanage.org/state/california

Los Angeles Network of Care
http://losangeles.networkofcare.org/mh/legislate/state-bill-detail.aspx?bill=SB%201160&sessionid=2015000

LegInfo Legislature CA.Gov
https://leginfo.legislature.ca.gov/faces/billNavClient.xhtml?bill_id=201520160SB1160

CSIMS http://www.csims.org/?page=SB1160
Blog: Daisy Bill http://blog.daisybill.com/sb1160-shakes-up-workers-comp

~Update brought to you by iPain Advocacy Committee, International Pain Foundation internationalpain.org

patient-awareness-internationalpainorg-ipain

Live On Give On | Applications for the 2016 #BakkenInvitation Award now open.

Twinkle receiving award- January 16, 2016

Twinkle VanFleet, Sacramento California. Bakken Award Recipient 2015. Received from Dr. Earl Bakken, Medtronic Co Founder in Kona Hawaii, January 16, 2016.

About the Bakken Invitation Inspired by Medtronic co-founder and philanthropist, Earl Bakken, the Bakken Invitation celebrates and connects people who, with the help of medical technology, have overcome health challenges and are now making a difference in their communities.Empowering patients to better manage their health is a key element in Medtronic Philanthropy’s approach to expanding healthcare access to the underserved. By sharing and celebrating stories of patients from all over the world, the Bakken Invitation is designed to not only provide valuable information and inspiration to others, but also foster a global movement of people who “Live On. Give On. ”Get involved at www.LiveOnGiveOn.org

1.

Share a Story For every story shared on the Live On. Give On. global online community, Medtronic Philanthropy will donate $10 to Project HOPE to help ensure that medical technology is available in underserved communities around the world.2.

Apply or nominate  The Bakken Invitation Award recognizes outstanding contributions of service, volunteerism and leadership around the world.  Selected Bakken Invitation Honorees will earn a $20,000 (USD) grant from Medtronic Philanthropy to direct to a charity of their choice, and a trip to Hawaii for a celebration event to meet Medtronic co-founder Earl Bakken.

Applications for the 2016 are now open.

Applicant Criteria: Individuals who, with the help of medical technology, are giving their time and talent to improve the quality of life for others. Nominees must be 14 years or older.Individuals must be using an approved medical device therapy to treat one of the following disease categories: heart disease; diabetes; chronic pain; spinal disorders; or neurological, gastroenterological and urological disorders. All applicants with eligible medical technology are welcome to apply, regardless of device manufacturer.Applicants must have an established relationship of involvement with a legal nonprofit organization for six months or more.3.

Connect with the Community Medtronic also hosts a global online community where all patients can share how they are giving back after receiving extra life from a medical device.

At http://www.LiveOnGiveOn.org, they can connect with other people who share similar health conditions and charitable passions in their hometown and around the world.“What are you doing with your extra life?”That’s the question from Medtronic co-founder, inventor and philanthropist Earl Bakken that inspired the Bakken Invitation. He acknowledges that his pacemaker, insulin pump and heart stents have given him “extra life,” time he uses to support causes he cares about. Earl knows the gift of extra life is powerful. And while each person chooses how to use their extra time, it is his enduring hope they consider how to give back, in big or small ways.

Connect: Website: LiveOnGiveOn.org Facebook: facebook.com/LiveOnGiveOn

Twitter: #LiveOnGiveOn

Source: Live On Give On

As a 2015 Bakken Invitation Honoree from Sacramento, California. I wish you all well.. and enough.  If you need any help with the nominee or application processes, I’ll do what I can to assist you through it.

Honored, privileged and grateful – Grant recipient: @powerofpain International Pain Foundation, your power of pain headquarters.

We are turning pain to power!

InternationalPain.org   PowerofPain.org   PowerofPain.org   

 

Over

In the last week I’ve shared about 6 video’s in the raw. Unedited, me without make up, me with make up, me just going on about the last few months or more, blah blah.

I made it 15 years. I made the last 10 with SCS, medication and functional restoration and the last 4 by medication management, SCS, and home functional restoration enough to help me set goals and achieve them. Sometimes it can really take time to get unstuck from the pain cycles, the why me’s, sulking pity party. I busted my butt, learned, wanted to learn, and aside from a patient, I’m a caregiver too. Hard? It has to be done.

So many times I’ve had to alter my list of the 3 most important tasks needing done in a day. I’d move the least important to the top of the following day’s list. All those little tricks and things I’ve learned over the years that hang out in my toolbox of survival mechanisms.

I knew it was almost over. I just never imagined it would be by the hands and decisions of others/provider’s before giving up of my own. I just didn’t think…  of all the thinking I do that my award also became part of my end. I worked hard for that. Decades for that. Unpaid for that.

Spontaneous? Not really. I messaged my mom to have my Advanced Directive revoked and destroyed. I’ve tried to and I haven’t been able to get them back. It was Valentine’s Day, I called the radio station The new STAR and dedicated a song to my man. I’ll hold back on that song title right now. I took the last walk I ever thought I’d walk. It was long and hard, and I had to sit on people’s lawns or lean against trees or mailboxes and it was really only a little farther than end of our block.

Am I a quitter, a coward? Perception.  A quitter and a coward would have never rolled into those headlights, but let’s be fair, I haven’t quit yet.

I was already in withdrawal, unstable, but woke up to a nice day. It was all good until I re read the first denial letter stating those 2 medications (Cymbalta and Zonegran) weren’t medically necessarily and not supported by the California MTUS (Yes they are). It also claimed that due to the doctors report it was left to interpretation on a couple of matters and one of them was that those 2 medications didn’t reduce my potential for abuse or minimize my current opioid use. Seriously?!!

I appealed and I won. No potential for abuse or misuse and both medically necessary.

Approved on appeal February 16, 2016.  I’m still not on them, nor am I on any pain reliever at all.

I can get through the 7’s, bouncing 8’s and 9’s. I can use my tools to bring those 8/9’s down enough to level myself. I couldn’t handle the 9/10 I couldn’t bring myself out of it. The physical 9/10 that can make you lose your mind. Why? Because it’s in your mind where you’re coping abilities and strategies are.

Already living in your head all day just to manage your 7, see what happens when 10 comes and there isn’t any help. I’ve rarely used 10 in my entire life, I seldom use 9, except to acknowledge it gets there off and on throughout any day for seconds, minutes, hours.

10 though! I drank that bottle, intoxicated, drunk, I could care less about labels because I hit the ground on my stomach and face so hard I passed out. Somnolence, narcoleptic episodes (diagnosed) or alcohol, perhaps a combination of each. Though my husband said he dropped me as I was leaning against him.

I walked out of our gate and stood against our lamp post. Husband came out and told me to go back inside. I wasn’t doing anything but standing there, reflecting, thinking, but then…

He started grabbing me to lead me in and a lady called the Sheriff’s Department on him for abusing me. He wasn’t, but he was in my space and I just wanted to chill. I was sure to tell her that he didn’t hurt me, beat me, abuse me and that I was fine. I was. I think.

Our street, people drive down it like there is no road and a speed limit doesn’t exist.

That was my out! I laid down in the center of the street, spread my arms and my legs as best as I could and I could see headlights flying right for me. Am I mad I was pulled out of the street? A little. Why would I ever think to let a driver be responsible for killing me. Well how about this, slow down and do the speed limit. Everything is a learning experience.

The unbelievable inaccuracies in my medical records are nearly beyond fixing. Medications listed I’m not even taking, and a few for more than a year. I’ve updated again since my release and tonight I peeked at my Patient EMR. They’re all still listed. So the medications go on the record, but they don’t come off? There’s a difference between previously taken medications (inactive) and medications currently taking (active). It say’s I’m on 11 medications including 2 opioids, a benzo, oic med, lidoderm patches, cymbalta, and zonegran and I”M NOT!  Lisinopril, Hydralazine, Atorvastatin and Nuvigil. That is what I’m on. 4 medications. Red flag above 7, did you know that? So yes, I’ve been red flagged and it’s flying the wrong way.

I’m sorry to the Sacramento County Sheriff’s Department, the Metropolitan Fire Department and the EMT and probably ambulance driver too. I didn’t trust you.

When you asked if I was in pain? I told you I wouldn’t tell you even if I was… Because… I wasn’t going to have in my record an opioid pain reliever documented as given to me. Yeah I suffered and I suffered for not being truthful. I’m learning though that truth and honesty is just someone elses made up lies. Unfortunate casualties of the world we live in.

To the Officer that lacked a little faith, I pray I left you with something. Heart! Have a little faith that sometimes not everyone is who the rest of the world made us out to be.

I’m not sorry for the actions that led to my consequences or my responsibility in it. It’s forever now.  I’m glad I screamed all the policy issues going on and made it loud and clear for blocks. I’m sorry for all those who played a part and either bailed or covered their own asses. I’m sorry for all those who think relieving pain leads to misuse, abuse and heroin above the overdoses that are self inflicted one way or the other.

Who ever thought it’d be me? No one!

Courage - Your fear

Goals? Get my lyrics out to those who’ve been interested and play that part of a lifetime. Really though, I’ve already done everything I wanted. From Poster Girl to TV Commercial, being published by my 20’s, being a part of Sacramento history in the news, hard copy, on the news live, iPain Foundation, my own endeavors. All in the background from my space, my cubby.

I’ll either fly off this earth by the grace of God, or by my faith in options. Take that as you will. I’ve had to choose, make choices, decisions, options to save my own life. My own!

Still not what you would simply assume.

I don’t hardly care about much right now because I can’t fix me enough to put in the few hours a month I had been to help others. I’m numb and it’s not the numb I wish it was. It really is easy to rectify wrongs, accidents, mistakes, oversights, correct errors and be responsible for your own actions. It really is easy to do. The only reason someone would choose not to is to hide their own guilt and be unable or against a face to face with you in the presence of a sit down meeting with lead staff for a reconciliation. I feel bad about that and I shouldn’t because I did move to rectify and was denied. I was even denied the 30 days of “emergency care” allotted by law when being dismissed by a provider.

I am grateful for the person who provided LLLT and Bowen Therapy yesterday. Bowen might take a few more times. LLLT I’ve done a few times before. The only “maybe” for months.

Really though, my problem is that I care too much but I think that’s been back handed out of me. None of this is finished, some has only just begun and the rest well…  it is what it is, for now.

Over and…

out.

 

The Body, Mind and Spirit; Humanizing the Soul

https://rsdadvisory.com/2016/02/11/the-body-mind-and-spirit-humanizing-the-soul/

It Really Hurts to Hurt | Live On. Give On.

https://rsdadvisory.com/2016/03/20/it-really-hurts-to-hurt-live-on-give-on/

The Unintended Side Effects of Fighting Prescription Drug Abuse by Twinkle VanFleet

The California Progress Report January 8, 2015

http://www.californiaprogressreport.com/site/unintended-side-effects-fighting-prescription-drug-abuse

Bracelets; Lockdown; Profound and Letdown

https://rsdadvisory.com/2016/02/26/bracelets-lockdown-profound-and-letdown/