Pain

 

pain-by-twinkle-vanfleet

Pain is overrated,

Pain is underrated,

Pain is misstated,

Pain is subjugated.

 

Pain is subjective,

Pain is protective,

Pain is deceiving,

Pain is objective.

 

Pain is loving,

Pain is restless,

Pain is heartless,

Pain is breathless.

 

Pain is productive,

Pain is weakness,

Pain is strength,

Pain is forgiveness.

 

Pain is reminders,

Pain is blinders,

Pain is reckless,

Pain isn’t faithless.

 

Pain is teaching,

Pain is reaching,

Pain is giving,

Pain is receiving.

 

Pain is passion,

Pain is purpose,

Pain is humble,

Pain is service.

© 2017 Twinkle VanFleet. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized duplication prohibited. Copyright Laws and Regulations of the United States http://www.copyright.gov/title17/

Sharing permitted without alteration.

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Words

Diversity by Twinkle VanFleet

Diversity by Twinkle VanFleet

3 weeks solo and trying to decide whether or not to merge all of it here. All of it. The pain, the passion, all that purpose, essays, the filed away lyrics, the unpublished poems, the soft erotica, those short stories, the dances. Dances?

Words.

I’m guessing I’d have to show you, you’d have to read it for yourselves. 20 years of being out there and circulating already.

Expression, adjectives, descriptive, alluring.

Unrelated to the pain communities. Though I suppose that there would be relief, ease, laughter and a sense of distraction in what I could have been providing all along.

No worries.

It’s only just begun.

Again.

x

 

 

Control | Spoken Word

Control by Twinkle VanFleet

Control it
Hold it
(Down)

Rolling the dice (Gamble) (Rambling?)

Ascendancy
Enough of
(Play off?)

Regulate
Not anymore
(Keeping score?)

Oversight
Not really, though
(As above, so below)

california-state-capital-california-international-marathon-december-4-2016

California International Marathon, California State Capital December 4, 2016.

(Everything and nothing)

(Balance)

Ascertain
Rarely exists (Remain?)

Responsibility
Owning it
(Grow)

Authority
Consider this
(Risk)

Influence
Subsist
(With…?!)

Controlled

(Dismiss it)

Throw down
(Profound?)

Broken, hoping
(Coping)
Faded, Jaded

Climb, rhyme
(Time)
Sublime, realign.

©2016 Twinkle VanFleet. All Rights Reserved. Copyright Laws and Regulations of the United States http://www.copyright.gov/title17/

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Conscientious | Poem

Conscientious
by Twinkle VanFleet

Distance, resistance
Defiance, compliance

Residual, peripheral
Visions, decisions

Subjective, objective
Experiences, differences

Reckless, perspective
Gracious, reflective

Ambition, intuition
Volition, submission

Relevancy, hesitancy,
Prevenancy, indefinitely

Precognition, transition
Recondition, re position.

©2016 Twinkle VanFleet All Rights Reserved. Copyright Laws and Regulations of the United States http://www.copyright.gov/title17/

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#StrongerThanPain

When I wrote Stronger Than Pain the words had already been my mantra a decade plus before. My mind was always consumed with being able to take that one more step. Just one more step. While the song is written in 3rd person and contains specific words that can only apply to me because of the nature of them, the phrase is universal for those who strive to beat pain. It’s for those who have endured despite setbacks, hardships and loss. It’s for those who’ve loved and lost. It’s for all of us. My son Ozra performed my song, my hope, my meaning but with one difference “She” is also each of you ladies whose pain, passion and purpose isn’t just about you, but for everyone. The full version of Stronger Than Pain has not yet been released and there is 2 versions.

 

https://www.facebook.com/KurtisOzra

 

My continuity of care document dated March 22, 2016

Mild recurrent Major Depression

Benign Essential Hypertension

Insomnia

Fatigue

Shortness of breath

Irregular Menstrual Cycle

Menorrhagia

Colon Spasm

Central Sleep Apnea

Memory Deficit

Obstructive Sleep Apnea

Osteoarthritis of Lumbar Spine

Arthritis

Depression

Diverticulosis

Gastritis

Hyperlipidemia

Hypersomnolence

Osteopenia

Prediabetes

Hematochezia

Ovarian Cysts

Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy

Vitamin D Deficiency

Pain, joint, shoulder

Hepatic Hemangiomas

This is not a complete list, but I wonder if any of it might cause you discomfort, pain, depression or if bleeding from your butt on a regular basis, trying, striving and hurting from each of the others might be pleasant for you. I already know the answer that may be disguised as “suck it up” when if it was you it might be disheartening, depressing and I don’t know, painful? My empathy runs deep for all those who push on to live with any of the above, and those pain related issues I don’t have, yet understand at a level many never will. I haven’t walked every pair of shoes, but I’ve walked enough to know from first hand experiences that my main purpose is to feel you.

I wanted to die, yet I really wanted to live! I wanted the struggle to survive it to be over. As the world turned, I saw the same 2 walls everyday. Not 4, just 2. It was hard to get up and it was hard to leave the house. I gave everything I had and I gave it for nothing expected. I was ridiculed for not supporting other organizations, groups, people when the only thing true in that was that I didn’t have time or ability to give more when I was trying to give a little for everyone. If I gave absolutely everything to others there wouldn’t ever be anything for me. The “me” is the part that was already doing my best, but few saw that or even resonated with the possibility that I wasn’t okay already. People wanted from me, but there wasn’t any mutual giving back, only taking. I wondered why I ever tried in the first place, but I knew the answer to my own question because that’s what I do. It’s what I’ve always done. I had lost all hope. I did my 5 as dirty as those who failed me did. My husband (30 years married in August, 31 years together next month), our 3 of 6 children and our grandson didn’t deserve my actions no more than I deserved being delayed, denied, dismissed and belittled by healthcare providers, groups, and Workers Compensation.

I only saw that their world .. together, would keep turning and that they with each other would make it without me because they would. I can’t handle the 10’s. The real 10’s. Who can?

“When no one else believes in you…

… You better” ~Twinkle V.

I now see groups named Stronger Than Pain, I see so much out there and I’m okay with that. I’ll never tell you how many years back it goes only that the proof is on you before it’s on me because I’m covered. People are always going to take your thing and run with it. All it means is they like it so much they take it or use it. It’s when they take without acknowledgement that it becomes shady.

There’s so much to tell. I’m not ashamed of my actions because that would mean I’m ashamed of those precious suffering souls lost to suicide. I’m not ashamed of them. They are being held in the hands of God. I can promise you that.

If the first or last thing I can leave you with is something to hold onto, believe in, and accomplish..

Be #StrongerThanPain

and “When you think you can’t, maybe you already have”

I pray that I have and that you have also.

I can never go back, but I can go forward understanding why some people are no longer here.

 

~Twinkle V.

 

 

 

Drop a Beat (Rap it Up)

By Twinkle VanFleet

Diversity by Twinkle VanFleet

Diversity by Twinkle VanFleet

Trip, slip, low to high,
They could’a killed you,
And you tried to die

Drop a beat,

‘N fuckin’ fly

Trip (Love that pen)
Slip (Fuck it 100 then)
Fly (Fly high over ‘n over again)

Fuck this shit (I’m in)
Just fly
Don’t let it pass by
(Don’t let anything fade by)

Stand out, step up
Dance
Rap it up

Smile (You’ve got that smile)
Laugh (Bring that pain down, awhile)

Break up (Break down)
Put it back together (Slow down)

Choose to live
Choose to die
Shit, just fuck ‘N Fly
It filled you up inside
For that moment you cried to die
(But you ain’t dyin’)

You chose to live (Still flying)
You gave to give (Still riding)
Now you’re chillin’ (Instead of dying) (No one’s dyin’)

You rose up
Yet you was hiding
Now you’re living, again
Instead of dyin’

Stand out, step it up
Dance!
Rap it up

Wrap that shit side up, let it go
Dance
On the reg, on the rise,
During the slip and the slide
Over the side
All alright now,
Deuces high

You know what

Jus’

 

Smile (Love that smile)
Laugh (Pain down, relaxed)

Rap ‘N Wrap it up (Don’t stumble over it. Shit tho’ gotta rise over it)
High fly, word! ai’ght…

Drop another beat, get on with it.

Rap it up.

©2016 Twinkle VanFleet/Golden Rainbow Poetry/All rights reserved. Copyright Laws and Regulations of the United States http://www.copyright.gov/title17/

 

 

Wake Up

Wake Up!

By Twinkle VanFleet

 

 Wake Up by Twinkle VanFleet

You don’t have to go there

 

Leave behind the bondage of someone else’s sin

 

You’re stronger than all you seemed

 

Be your own conscience, redeemed.

 

 

 

Wake up, wake up

 

 

 

Never met Angel, never met Molly,

 

Never headed toward the main line

 

Glanced over at the snow,

 

Wash broke so many lives.- 

 

 

 

Rising above the influence,

 

In crowds that made it seem

 

It’s okay to indulge,

 

Be accepted into the cream.

 

 

 

Redik, no trip, 

 

nevah needed the shit

 

Didn’t have to go there

 

Throw down, omit.

 

 

 

A little lick, no trick

 

Imagery and fuse

 

Before you miss the point 

 

This is my nikkah ass muse.

 

 

 

Pressure to the hopeless,

 

The ones left behind,

 

In a world full of chaos

 

Pain and loss entwined.

 

 

 

star-dust, where the go?

 

Ball, Bomber, chasing the grams

 

Crashing hard, heading for the Q 

 

Reaching for the Bamb Bambs.

 

 

 

Wake up, wake up,

 

Popping pills, La glass, got to go fast

 

Better not go there

 

They got your name on blast

 

 

 

Comin’ down, losing yourself,

 

Remember who you are

 

You make you or break you,

 

Come back from afar. 

 

 

 

Never had to meet Angel,

 

Never went looking for Molly,

 

Didn’t travel down that main line

 

No time for dimes just a few rhymes.

 

 

 

No mistake in walking the shoes

 

Of someone else, nothing to lose

 

All was gained, no regrets

 

I got this shit on reset

 

 

 

Let the devil’s catch the fade

 

With your own will power

 

Because only we control

 

Our final hour

 

 

 

Drug abuse, misuse, alcohol, wild hearts judged

 

No one got backbone, until they be grudged.

 

 

 

Wake up, wake up

 

You’re stronger than your worse dream

 

Love yourself first and last,

 

Be absolute and pristine.

 

 

I got you!

 

 

Wake up. 

 

©2014 Twinkle VanFleet. All Rights Reserved. Copyright Laws and Regulations of the United States http://www.copyright.gov/title17/

 

This piece is most likely controversial. There is much imagery in it. It’s written from the point of multiple views.  

 

It is dedicated to all those who struggle with addiction and all those who’ve come up on the other side despite the ‘tragedies’ of life. It does not reflect personal addiction, but rather understanding from multiple sources. Slightly edited from the original. 

Collaborative consideration open for discussion.

Any judgement for this piece will only make me prouder of it. #StrongerThanPain #Ohana