Stone Cold Sober

Stone Cold Sober

Brantley Gilbert

I guess I said some thing’s last night
That’s usually in the morning light
I regret it
Like double shots and cigarettes
Said things like
“I love you baby” and
“I know I sound crazy, but let’s just work this out ya and maybe settle down”

I woke up hungover
But still had to call you
‘Cause I just realized girl
That maybe it was all true, yeah

I let the whiskey talk
And baby it said too much
I got the feeling now
It didn’t say enough
‘Cause I’m waking up alone
Missing that midnight kiss
I can’t promise you forever
All I know is I still want you to come over
And I’m stone cold sober

Well I can lie about 99 percent of the time
When I’ve had too much to drink
Yeah I do stupid things

But this time is different
And baby it feels so right
I hope you were listening
To every word I said last night

I let the whiskey talk
And baby it said too much
I got the feeling now
It didn’t say enough
‘Cause I’m waking up alone
Missing that midnight kiss
I can’t promise you forever
All I know is I still want you to come over
And I’m stone cold sober

Yeah I got blood shot eyes (Got blood shot eyes)
But it’s all crystal clear (All crystal clear)
No I don’t need Jim Beam
To know I need you here

Yeah I let the whiskey talk
And baby it said too much
And I got the feeling now
It didn’t say enough
‘Cause I’m waking up alone
Missing that midnight kiss
I can’t promise you forever
All I know is I still want you to come over
Baby all I know is I still need you to come over
And I’m stone cold sober

Yeah baby I’m stone cold sober

Come on over

https://youtu.be/kNyeaaHKPPA

Stone Cold Sober


(The first step in any recovery is admitting a problem was either.brewing… or….) 


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I Lost My Marbles

But I still have my balls. 

Ha!

I use marbles for therapy. I’ve misplaced them. I still have the tennis balls close by. I use the marbles the most for my hands. It really is amazing what we can use for pain relief that might seem a bit silly to some. I use them in different ways for hands, feet and body. To roll out knots, reduce inflammation, promote blood flow and better internal organ function. 

The tennis ball techniques I learned while receiving MLT. The marbles was some months back off the top of my head during a hand flare. 

Imagine what we can do with a spatula. Hilarious!

Our oldest daughter Kharisma and our grandson De’Mantai will be on a Greyhound soon, destination Texas to spend time with our daughter Rikki who moved there in November. From there Rikki is driving them to my parents in Georgia as previously planned.

We learned 2 days ago that my dad has 4 blood clots in one leg and 3 in the other. These are unrelated to his stage 4 cancer. He’s an active man, but he’s to be on bed rest now with the blood thinners and depression is already.present as a result. 

My wish is that their grandkids arriving in a week or so brings them all comfort.

Today is a significant anniversary to something I won’t mention this time. This year there won’t be any grief over it. It had taken awhile to let that one go. It’s been gone as it was for so long a year today. The 26th will be the anniversary to the injury that led to CRPS 17 years ago. Ridding myself of most of that too. It’s like a bug you can’t flick off. 

The bruising is fading from the dog bite on new years eve and the bites themselves are doing well. His are a little slower healing. I mixed lavender with OTC lidocaine, and fresh steeped Turmeric for topical relief. 

Well I’m off to play with my balls, check in with mom,  steep another batch of my medicinal tea concoction, do a few Spanish lessons and burn some white sage which I’ve done each day since starting. It really has helped restore balance and life force, but I suppose it wouldn’t if.I didn’t believe in it.

Oh where oh where have my marbles gone. 

Happy 2nd week of 2018.

White Sage

It’s time to do a spiritual cleansing. This won’t only consist of smudging my home, but my personal being as well. A re balance of my life force. The great spirit.

White Sage- Image credit- Hoodwitch

As a sensitive, Empath, I become overwhelmed by other peoples energy, pain, thoughts, emotions, even joy. This isn’t anything new. I’ve had the gift, curse? All my life. When I’m around positiveness that flame grows into peace, tranquility and calm, energizes me and all the others I come into contact with even when people are experiencing their own pain and hardships. There’s an opposite side to this. My negative energy doesn’t do anyone around me any good either.

“A strong life force makes a human being totally alive, alert and present while a weak force results in sluggishness and fatigue. … The concept of a life force is found in most of the ancient cultures of the world. In India, it is called prana; in China, chi; in Japan, ki; for Native Americans, the Great Spirit.”

http://www.energyarts.com/what-is-chi

In reference to a previous blog when I said I can’t choose one side or another. How could I authentically when one side doesn’t exist over the other? When everything is entangled? When it’s all connected?

MTP (Moving Toward Peace)
https://www.movingtowardspeace.com/mtpblog/the-ancient-art-of-burning-sage.html

Why Smudging Your Body With White Sage Is A Must For Every Highly Sensitive Warrior (A Guide To Smudging)
http://alcantaraacupuncture.com/why-smudging-your-body-with-white-sage-is-a-must-for-every-highly-sensitive-warrior/

White Sage Uses… A Step by Step Guide to Smudging
http://www.ask-angels.com/spiritual-guidance/white-sage-smudging/

White sage is also an herb and it’s Latin name is Salvia apiana which means “healing”.


Post statement this blog was written over a week ago and was filed as a draft. Today, my White Sage was delivered and gifted with much love and heart from our daughter Rikki. By Christmas I’ll have completed my own piece of prayer calling on my ancestors, the angels, healers and Jesus Christ alike.

I hope to share this experience with you.

 

Why The Apology

Cross-Posted from Pages yesterday to this blog. Reference at the end.

Why The Apology

Life is precious no matter whose life it is. I let my pain, our pain, nudge me to one side more than to another. Just like they did. They? I know! We separate ourselves from one another and we shouldn’t.

Triquetra

Opioids, addiction, loss of loved ones in life or death ended up with the development of the CDC Guidelines. The recommendations. This led to the current affairs and even our President declaring an emergency over it. It influenced further lack of care for even compliant pain patients and has caused more suffering.

The many who believed in over prescribing and the opioids being an epidemic couldn’t see or didn’t want to acknowledge that there are other people in the world who would end up losing, too.

By reducing and removing these analgesics without a plan in place to substitute relief the quality of life provided by these medications would lesson and some people would end up choosing suicide, and many would live with the ideations not knowing how to go on.

I suppose in it all our selfishness as human beings to want it our way disregards the need of others who aren’t us.

I’ve been selfish too.

We end up fighting for our causes, creating campaigns, starting movements, staying steadfast in our agendas which are in a sense born of pain in one aspect or other and then we blame each other.

I still believe that we all have choices and that responsibility for those choices should be on ourselves and that we should accept those consequences.

Addiction, any type of, is a mental health issue. I’ve learned that the impulses that drive people to do what they do are no longer their fault once they reach the point of losing clarity. to make proper decisions.  I understand better that when the point is reached where the mind has become so weakened by the addiction that the ability to make the better choice for themselves fails to exist.

I had taken this year for me. For my healing. I’m still healing and progressing.

I wish for all of us that the new year gives us all a new chance to heal from our pain whether in body, mind, or spirit and that we can all find peace in pain.

Journey on.


In reference to:

to those I ever offended ‘re . Agendas. Some existing beliefs/ personal experiences, I’ve grown and I love you too.

Undeniable Breakthrough

I haven’t written for a minute because I’ve been struggling to maintain a sense of worth and ability while at the same time coming out of the closest remission I’ve ever had. I’ve learned to survive without medication management for pain, yet there are times I wish I had even a 10 count as needed a month of Hydrocodone or Tramadol because it’s hard. I’ve learned and used every natural way I know to help myself.

I know that no physician ever pushed opioids on me and I don’t believe that even though I was dismissed and abandoned that it was personal. I understand they were under stress during that same period of time which just happened to be my worse time.

I never used the 10 on the pain scale in all my years of CRPS or the dozen other pain and non pain related disorders. I reserved that number. When I did use it, when it was 10 it didn’t do me any good because I suppose it’s so overused even the medical community thinks it’s a joke if we do.

The joke was on me.

Overwhelming - Breakthrough

I spent the summer in a little kiddie pool in order to do weightless movement that I wasn’t physically strong enough for outside of water. It really helped a lot. I’ve had a treadmill for about 10 years, an old model and still in working order. I’ve had a stationary bike for approximately 10 years, the ab slider my son sent over a few months back, my yoga ball while about 4-5 years old I only started using recently.

It’s just the treadmill and yoga ball I’m using now along with some stretches, mindful about posture, I learned with having MLT.

I could suck it up and have the spinal surgery, or I can suck it up and continue to do all I can for me still without any of that. It’s been a great stress reliever to not be having monthly PMD appointments, to not worry about whether or not medications will be delayed or denied, to not wait for a lumbar or cervical pain block, to not have to rely on someone or something for relief.

I’ve managed also to better regulate my high blood pressure often 180/+ to restore internal involvement, level off drastic inflammation and swelling for the most part. Today is a swollen day, symptoms extra present, dreading getting on the treadmill, but I have to even if for only 20 seconds. I’ve not made it beyond a minute even on better days.

I use the chia seeds for their anti inflammatory, anti oxidant, fiber, and other qualities. My allotment of vitamins have ran extremely low, so I’m out of some, and have a bit of others left. The combination was helping me maintain better. I feel like ka ka right now and so I know they provided a benefit. Since it’s expensive to buy so many different kinds I’ll be replacing it with Prenatal vitamins this upcoming week. The prenatal (nope, not pregnant) provides many supplements in one for a single price. That’s my best option until I can replace my others. I use fresh ginger as well.

The chia seeds I use as a sprinkle on foods and in water, coffee. In liquid the seed becomes a gel.

Later I’ll be doing either Facebook or Periscope live to share these natural ways of helping ourselves. Especially for those whose pain relief analgesics have been reduced or stopped and for those interested either way.

Do things happen for a reason? Or are they random? I’d like to believe it’s all been for a reason and that reason being instead of advocating and raising awareness solely for cures and information about an illness to instead raise it for HRQoL, suicide prevention and our mental health that will always go with it.

That’s the purpose of Stronger Than Pain.  Helping people live not just share with them all the reasons they never will again but rather all the reasons they can, must, and have to.

Through it all came an undeniable breakthrough.

 

This Week

While my outside of the water push ups did cause some soreness it didn’t cause any flare. I was over at our son’s the other day and so I missed my pool time. I laid on his carpet and did my push up set. The weird thing about it is the incredible headache that came on and lasted for about 45 minutes. The first time I didn’t think anything of it because I figured I pushed myself too hard and maybe just got a head rush as a result.

The next time, same thing. It doesn’t start though until I’m straining a bit or more. It’s never happened in the water that intensely probably because the water reduces any strain. I felt like I was going to pass out but it eased back down within the hour.

It’s things like this that can make it easier to stop trying more. Almost easier to not do them and avoid the headache or other symptoms all together. It’s crossed my mind like a quick flash of floaties.

Could be too that as I started those upper body routines, I also added neck exercises/movement into my daily movements. Not just a couple up downs with my head, or side to sides, but sets. If I have to I’ll back off of the girl push ups and just do neck movements for awhile.

I don’t know if I’m irritating my cervical spine with both, or if its just that my body is trying to adjust to it all. My lumbar spine doesn’t like me right now but that’s fine, I don’t like it either. Lol.

I got the Depo injection about 5 weeks ago in an attempt to ease down female troubles. I missed the next 2 cycles and have been on for 15 consecutive days again. It’s sort of a “Yay, but you’re doing great” crusher. I don’t feel great and I want to. I read on the internet it can take up to a year. If it’s on the internet it must be true. Jeez. Instead of having the injection again I’m suppose to have Nexplanon put back in. Seriously this stuff is way too much.

I woke up this morning with cramps so bad I was like don’t even get up today. But the little birdie on my shoulder was like get your ass up right now. So I did. Ha! It’s sort of an aggressive little birdie sometimes. 🙂

I sent a bunch of documents to my Kindle for offline reading because an internet break is about to begin sometime today. At least it’s suppose to.

I’m gonna nibble on my rx medicinal cannabis cookie today because I swear sometimes a little relief is necessary.  I might have already. 😛

I don’t use it very often so I’m always naive again when I do. Kinda funny, cannabis naive. But I am.

I don’t know why it’s called natural menopause when there isn’t anything natural about what comes before it. Natural would be that thing stopping one day and never coming back. It’s just not the nature I look forward to.

I want to get out in the garage and go through all the packed away things that I haven’t even seen for years. I want to get the boxing gym over here but I’m not sure yet if it’s worth doing so especially if I can’t or don’t use it yet. I haven’t used the slider in weeks now. Longer than that even. Not since I sprained my foot on it and that progress went backwards quick. I know I know, I need to face my fears. Maybe later. 🙂

I’ve been using the shake weight across my belly. I started sit ups (in the water a couple of weeks ago) I can do some crunches now outside of the water too. I use the shake weight for both breathing exercises and muscle control. I’ve really changed lack of muscle control to controlling them better. My limbs get a little wobbly sometimes still or spasms sneak in, and those use to exist everyday. It’s not all day long anymore. Some people use books or the like on their stomach, but the shake weight works for me because I also use it to practice keeping it there rather than letting it roll off me. The right side of my belly is bigger than my left because my ribs have shifted some. My left side is a downward incline. In other words my belly isn’t level. The shake weight is useful for me to control those muscles better. 🙂

It’s going to be in the triple digits today. I need to finish up some notes and lists for my son and get outside. I’m actually behind today. I’m usually already outside at least once by now.

Sunshine - Clip Art Library

It’s really tough when the devil up in it. It really is. lol

 

Triple Wide Down

Consider this a mix of humor, seriousness and heart.

Okay, so my butt has been a total breaking down triple wide since I was in my early 30’s and after CRPS. For those of you who need some visual that means my health related issues gifted me a triple wide ass and one that I should have never accepted. Deteriorating as a result of everything I didn’t do for it! You know like “I gotta big butt and I cannot lie?” I’m thrilled to report that it’s a double wide now.  😛

Goals

Make my double wide even better. (I’ll show you when my mood tells me to. Lol)

Try not to build so much muscle that people who try to do me dirty don’t become my bitch! (Word porn: Perception and interpretation. I’ll never tell)

Try not to do things with the shake weight that other people find offending. (Focus on the ones who love it. :))

serenity-prayer

Stronger Than Pain