12

I’ve talked about weightless water activity and being able to increase movement in my kiddie pool. Today I did 12 girl push ups without water. I reached 5 and I was like OMG that’s enough, but I went for 6 and then I told myself just one more so I did. I reached 8 and knew I should probably stop, but I didn’t. 10! Come on cry baby you can do another one. I did 2 more and 12 was it!

I’m so sore. My right side fingers started pulsating and that arm started throwing a fit. I took some Ibuprofen and then a nap.

Here’s my dilemma. My goal will need to always be 12 now +. Ugh! I know it’s new pain so there isn’t anything negative about it. I know the old pain will sometimes be instigated by pushing myself. I just don’t want to feel like if I don’t make the 12 I’ve gone backwards somehow. I’ve done this to myself several times before. Overdoing new efforts and increasing pain levels as a result. I also put on some Voltaren Gel before I fell asleep.

Last time I increased pain was from spinal movements in both my lumbar and cervical spine. Ouch! That was a little rough. It was about 5 weeks ago I think and lasted a few days. This is why I don’t have the time I want to have in other things offline or online. These routines and movements take up a fair majority of my days and I’m just whooped after.

How many want to even attempt doing things like these or even care to spend much of the day doing it? Hardly no one. Some won’t do 5 minutes a day. It wouldn’t have been my first choice for long term pain stability and the constant efforts in rehabilitating my own body wouldn’t have happened either if after having MLT, a sheet of paper was tossed at me with physical therapy therapies to try to achieve on my own that I couldn’t reach in all that horrible pain. . It’s hard!

Nearly everyone who goes to outpatient PT is sent home with exercises to perform as self therapy. Some people try, others throw it away, a few actually get through those at all and most don’t continue trying because expectations are set up for failure. Some people need help to even be able to move themselves, or parts of themselves. I never in a million years thought I would ever reach any of this. It could be that being forced to by not having any other pain care is what made that difference for me after the Gohl Method.

I don’t want to wither away from any pain or illness and I don’t want my future to be nothing but disabilities. I’ve accomplished something else too in it all. It’s a habit to do these stretches and movements each day without having to remind myself and it’s a habit even when I don’t feel well at all.

This is why I needed a year and why I may need another one before I can be active in advocacy again. I can’t worry about the internet so much right now, time spent here, would be accumulated aches and pains too.

Even those people who didn’t have any pain issues, the working class, end up having pain from sedentary positions. It’s why ergonomic work stations were developed in order to reduce complications in one’s body.

Reducing or removing stress factors are important also because the body itself feels stress as physical pain. Stress isn’t just in the mind. Relaxation, meditation, breathing exercises, a little yoga has all benefited me in the water and out of it.

Easier said than done, I know.

I’m hopeful that eventually energy will increase and I’ll get at least 5 decent years out of it all.

images - beach

 

 

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Over

In the last week I’ve shared about 6 video’s in the raw. Unedited, me without make up, me with make up, me just going on about the last few months or more, blah blah.

I made it 15 years. I made the last 10 with SCS, medication and functional restoration and the last 4 by medication management, SCS, and home functional restoration enough to help me set goals and achieve them. Sometimes it can really take time to get unstuck from the pain cycles, the why me’s, sulking pity party. I busted my butt, learned, wanted to learn, and aside from a patient, I’m a caregiver too. Hard? It has to be done.

So many times I’ve had to alter my list of the 3 most important tasks needing done in a day. I’d move the least important to the top of the following day’s list. All those little tricks and things I’ve learned over the years that hang out in my toolbox of survival mechanisms.

I knew it was almost over. I just never imagined it would be by the hands and decisions of others/provider’s before giving up of my own. I just didn’t think…  of all the thinking I do that my award also became part of my end. I worked hard for that. Decades for that. Unpaid for that.

Spontaneous? Not really. I messaged my mom to have my Advanced Directive revoked and destroyed. I’ve tried to and I haven’t been able to get them back. It was Valentine’s Day, I called the radio station The new STAR and dedicated a song to my man. I’ll hold back on that song title right now. I took the last walk I ever thought I’d walk. It was long and hard, and I had to sit on people’s lawns or lean against trees or mailboxes and it was really only a little farther than end of our block.

Am I a quitter, a coward? Perception.  A quitter and a coward would have never rolled into those headlights, but let’s be fair, I haven’t quit yet.

I was already in withdrawal, unstable, but woke up to a nice day. It was all good until I re read the first denial letter stating those 2 medications (Cymbalta and Zonegran) weren’t medically necessarily and not supported by the California MTUS (Yes they are). It also claimed that due to the doctors report it was left to interpretation on a couple of matters and one of them was that those 2 medications didn’t reduce my potential for abuse or minimize my current opioid use. Seriously?!!

I appealed and I won. No potential for abuse or misuse and both medically necessary.

Approved on appeal February 16, 2016.  I’m still not on them, nor am I on any pain reliever at all.

I can get through the 7’s, bouncing 8’s and 9’s. I can use my tools to bring those 8/9’s down enough to level myself. I couldn’t handle the 9/10 I couldn’t bring myself out of it. The physical 9/10 that can make you lose your mind. Why? Because it’s in your mind where you’re coping abilities and strategies are.

Already living in your head all day just to manage your 7, see what happens when 10 comes and there isn’t any help. I’ve rarely used 10 in my entire life, I seldom use 9, except to acknowledge it gets there off and on throughout any day for seconds, minutes, hours.

10 though! I drank that bottle, intoxicated, drunk, I could care less about labels because I hit the ground on my stomach and face so hard I passed out. Somnolence, narcoleptic episodes (diagnosed) or alcohol, perhaps a combination of each. Though my husband said he dropped me as I was leaning against him.

I walked out of our gate and stood against our lamp post. Husband came out and told me to go back inside. I wasn’t doing anything but standing there, reflecting, thinking, but then…

He started grabbing me to lead me in and a lady called the Sheriff’s Department on him for abusing me. He wasn’t, but he was in my space and I just wanted to chill. I was sure to tell her that he didn’t hurt me, beat me, abuse me and that I was fine. I was. I think.

Our street, people drive down it like there is no road and a speed limit doesn’t exist.

That was my out! I laid down in the center of the street, spread my arms and my legs as best as I could and I could see headlights flying right for me. Am I mad I was pulled out of the street? A little. Why would I ever think to let a driver be responsible for killing me. Well how about this, slow down and do the speed limit. Everything is a learning experience.

The unbelievable inaccuracies in my medical records are nearly beyond fixing. Medications listed I’m not even taking, and a few for more than a year. I’ve updated again since my release and tonight I peeked at my Patient EMR. They’re all still listed. So the medications go on the record, but they don’t come off? There’s a difference between previously taken medications (inactive) and medications currently taking (active). It say’s I’m on 11 medications including 2 opioids, a benzo, oic med, lidoderm patches, cymbalta, and zonegran and I”M NOT!  Lisinopril, Hydralazine, Atorvastatin and Nuvigil. That is what I’m on. 4 medications. Red flag above 7, did you know that? So yes, I’ve been red flagged and it’s flying the wrong way.

I’m sorry to the Sacramento County Sheriff’s Department, the Metropolitan Fire Department and the EMT and probably ambulance driver too. I didn’t trust you.

When you asked if I was in pain? I told you I wouldn’t tell you even if I was… Because… I wasn’t going to have in my record an opioid pain reliever documented as given to me. Yeah I suffered and I suffered for not being truthful. I’m learning though that truth and honesty is just someone elses made up lies. Unfortunate casualties of the world we live in.

To the Officer that lacked a little faith, I pray I left you with something. Heart! Have a little faith that sometimes not everyone is who the rest of the world made us out to be.

I’m not sorry for the actions that led to my consequences or my responsibility in it. It’s forever now.  I’m glad I screamed all the policy issues going on and made it loud and clear for blocks. I’m sorry for all those who played a part and either bailed or covered their own asses. I’m sorry for all those who think relieving pain leads to misuse, abuse and heroin above the overdoses that are self inflicted one way or the other.

Who ever thought it’d be me? No one!

Courage - Your fear

Goals? Get my lyrics out to those who’ve been interested and play that part of a lifetime. Really though, I’ve already done everything I wanted. From Poster Girl to TV Commercial, being published by my 20’s, being a part of Sacramento history in the news, hard copy, on the news live, iPain Foundation, my own endeavors. All in the background from my space, my cubby.

I’ll either fly off this earth by the grace of God, or by my faith in options. Take that as you will. I’ve had to choose, make choices, decisions, options to save my own life. My own!

Still not what you would simply assume.

I don’t hardly care about much right now because I can’t fix me enough to put in the few hours a month I had been to help others. I’m numb and it’s not the numb I wish it was. It really is easy to rectify wrongs, accidents, mistakes, oversights, correct errors and be responsible for your own actions. It really is easy to do. The only reason someone would choose not to is to hide their own guilt and be unable or against a face to face with you in the presence of a sit down meeting with lead staff for a reconciliation. I feel bad about that and I shouldn’t because I did move to rectify and was denied. I was even denied the 30 days of “emergency care” allotted by law when being dismissed by a provider.

I am grateful for the person who provided LLLT and Bowen Therapy yesterday. Bowen might take a few more times. LLLT I’ve done a few times before. The only “maybe” for months.

Really though, my problem is that I care too much but I think that’s been back handed out of me. None of this is finished, some has only just begun and the rest well…  it is what it is, for now.

Over and…

out.

 

The Body, Mind and Spirit; Humanizing the Soul

https://rsdadvisory.com/2016/02/11/the-body-mind-and-spirit-humanizing-the-soul/

It Really Hurts to Hurt | Live On. Give On.

https://rsdadvisory.com/2016/03/20/it-really-hurts-to-hurt-live-on-give-on/

The Unintended Side Effects of Fighting Prescription Drug Abuse by Twinkle VanFleet

The California Progress Report January 8, 2015

http://www.californiaprogressreport.com/site/unintended-side-effects-fighting-prescription-drug-abuse

Bracelets; Lockdown; Profound and Letdown

https://rsdadvisory.com/2016/02/26/bracelets-lockdown-profound-and-letdown/

It Really Hurts to Hurt | Live On. Give On.

twinklev_onlygodcanjudgemeIt’s been a couple of days over a month since I came home from that hospital stay. I can’t say it’s gotten any better, in fact, worse in that I’m also now 6 days off of the very last medication that provided any relief and the only opioid based medication I was on in the first place. Let me back track to pre Hawaii and the honor I received by being a 2015 Bakken Invitation Award Honoree. I was already struggling harder that maintaining my average 7 (on the pain scale). I was to depart on January 13th. A week or about prior I knew or believed at the time that I couldn’t make that trip any longer. I made a non scheduled emergency appointment with my Pain Management provider, who attempted to help me. I had only been using BuTrans 5mcg/hour. I was increased to 10mcg/hour for 2 months. When my husband got me to the pharmacy, my 5 was ready. I put in the Rx for the 10 and didn’t pick up the already approved 5. Trying to always remain in compliance and thinking I was doing right by not picking up the 5, yet instead swapping it out for the new 10 backfired. (why would I try to get them both? I didn’t. That wasn’t the medical plan to have each of them.

I’ve been asked how Hawaii was and I’ll always say amazing due the achievements while living intractable pain that got me there. I never laid out in the sun, or made it to the beach, I never got to visit the cabana, or see the turtles. I went to Hawaii but didn’t get to “Hawaii”. My husband had the privilege to spend time on the beach on 2 occasions and have lunch with an agent of Medtronic. I didn’t.

Energy Pennies!

Each of us honorees were there for living with medical technology that had given us “extra life”. Extra life that let us give back selflessly and the ability to “Live On. Give On. I actually live with other forms of medical technology. An Auto Servo Ventilator by Philips that forces me to breathe when my brain shuts down the muscle that allow breathing in Central Apnea with Cheyne Stokes Respiration, and the Obstructive Apnea I have with it. Otherwise known as complex or mixed sleep apnea. I’ve had 2 clips holding me organs together. The injury that led to my CRPS over 15 years ago was a severe separation of my right foot, chip fractures, and tendon displacements. Either referred to as a mid-metatarsal separation or a Lis Franc fracture.

While my husband went to have lunch with the others, I was getting ready for my filmed interview. It was a hard day for me. That same morning was my Whale Watching Cruise. Each honoree was gifted an event of their choosing among a few choices. I chose the one that didn’t require any physical activity beyond getting to and from the location to each boat transfer for the cruise. I tried to walk the length of the beach upon arrival to get to the boat landing and I did! But in doing so, I set myself back. I had to use ADA beach wheel chair transport on the way back. When we all got back to the Hotel my interview was already waiting. The trip took longer over all. When we got back to our room, I had about 30 minutes to get ready and I used 10 or more of them to get off my legs and lay down. The clock was ticking, I had to change, and do something with my face. I didn’t wear makeup to the cruise. My husband headed for lunch and I got myself to the interview and back. It was that same night that we were having our awards reception. When I made it back to our room after the interview, I rested for an hour or so. My legs were burning so bad. My right side swollen and discolored, my left side could barely take it from carrying me. I had to do another change and get ready for the evening. Neither of the dresses I took was I able to wear due to the mass amount of swelling. I wore a blouse previously worn one other time. (Embarrassing but not everyone knew that I had). I’m not in many of the group photos because of inability, but I’m grateful for the photos I am apart of with a few special people that bonded in love, laughter, crying, and hope. Tanya, fellow honoree, Andrea, fellow honoree, Andrew, photography, Rich, Medtronic, Emelyne and Darren.

My BuTrans was picked up the day after returning home on the 18th. I attempted to refill Cymbalta and Zonegran on the 29th. The pharmacy said my doctor hadn’t responded to the fax request. In reality they had been denied by WC and I just hadn’t known it yet. I appealed via my PMD. Approved by another IME as being medically necessary February 16th. I still don’t have them.

2 months prior I had gone through similar delay of weeks, and before that. Always and abrupt discontinuation of either days, weeks or in this case nearly 2 months for 2 of them.

Can you imagine what it does to someone’s brain each time you go from something to nothing. What being on an SSNRI and anti seizure for over 10 years, yet coping through the adverse effects of on and off over and over again?
Can you imagine physical pain so bad that you aren’t just complaining or trying live anymore because you can’t? Can you imagine pain so visceral and crippling, you lose your mind?

I’ve known this pain before. It’s where all my piercing were born from. The diversion for pain to replace pain. I don’t often use the number 10 because 10 is meant to imply true inability to perform anything, the worse pain “imaginable”. Hospital bound, suicidal ideations, that’s 10. It’s not 11 or 20. It’s 10.

I don’t head for pills or opioid chase as some would like to believe we all do, my toxicology screens is and was negative for everything illicit, but it was positive for ethanol on Valentine’s day. I’ve been there before too, prior to ever getting into pain management in 2004. By the end of 2004, I woke up one day and didn’t drink again until 2012 and not to the point of intoxication and not again for another year. Gradually and after January 1st of 2015, I chose to drink when I wanted to, and not drink when I didn’t want to. January 1st was the denial and abrupt discontinuation of Klonopin 0.5, the reduction from 90 mg of Cymbalta to 30 and the denial of Lidoderm patches entirely as well.

The last 14 months have been a hell only certain people survive. I didn’t appeal those denials and reductions. It was the beginning of my decline in hope. I still had something left that couldn’t be taken and that was my Spinal Cord Stimulator which covers my lower back on down to my toes on each side.

Maybe you don’t like my politics or philosophies and maybe I don’t prefer your inaccuracies and errors in my medical records that I update each and every time I’m seen by anyone. Maybe you don’t prefer the thought provoking statements I make or consequences and responsibility topics I engage in.

That’s okay because I still respect your right to speak out against the pain you‘ve endured, perhaps you could afford me the same.

What good is the EMR (Electronic Medical Record) if it’s not used properly? In my recent hospitalization it showed I was on 11 medications, and I was injected with a medication potentially life threatening due to those errors which claimed I was still on a Benzo, BuTrans 5 and 10, Lidoderm, OIC med, Cymbalta and Zonegran.

I was only on BuTrans 10. The records only indicated a few of my diagnosis’ and left out important others. I’m not speaking of independent care or my PMD, I’m speaking of my primary health record. Dignity/Mercy Health.

The record shows that during that stay Morphine was prescribed, but denied.

Because of the medical record errors they gave me Cymbalta and Zonegran for 2 days which I had already been off for over 2 weeks. So when I got to come home I had to fall from it again.

As of now, I’m only on Lisinopril and Hydralazine for high Blood pressure. Atorvastatin for HC, and Nuvigil for sleep disorders.

Pain? You don’t know pain until you really want to live, but you pray to God to die.

And you don’t know pain until you’ve walked my shoes. Each and every worn out pair (not the ones you physically wear on your feet) but the shoes of life, struggle, being born with arthritis, PTSD x 3, DDD + Cervical, Diverticulosis (it is when flaring), CRPS 2, liver disease, reduced kidney function, female crap and all the others that would only take up space. Survival!

You don’t know pain until you keep doing for others to help them through, give them hope, change their lives, encourage them, love them, care-give when you can’t even care for yourself, yet you continue to put them before anything for you. I’ve been an advocate in one capacity or other for over 30 years and a writer for 40. I’m 48.

Friday evening it took over 2 hours to get myself out of the mind space I was in. That mind space that said go hit a wall, divert it, you know how. With the rest of me repeating to myself over and over #StrongerThanPain. “I’ll walk, when I cannot walk, I’ll carry myself, when I can’t carry myself, I’ll fly”

Late that night, my husband went and got me some generic Acetaminophen PM and another bottle of only Acetaminophen without sleep aid.

I’ll most likely never reach out again, but I’m thankful to Barby Ingle for when I did make it into a new day and I was able to talk a few her encouraging words assisted in the ongoing fight to live through it and with it, somehow. HOPE!

I’m thankful for technology and I’m grateful for those who humanize patients. Dr. Bakken, Dr. Duffy, and Susan Pueschel. I haven’t lost faith in my God, I’m losing faith in humanity.

As I said before, it’s all a Mirage, but I suppose it’s also part of the purpose.
PPP

I’m far from well, I can barely walk, my butt is bleeding, every part of me hurts not only from what I already had but from the injuries that occurred on Valentine’s day as well. A laceration/contusion of my head/forehead and face, deep contusions/sprains/strains/possible breaks of my hands/wrists, deep bruising arms, legs, back, butt. None of which documented at all. None of which are part of any record or care in those 2 days. Only my own/photos days later.

It doesn’t matter what caused it, how, or who.

Accuracy matters.

and…

#IHaveTheNerveToBeHeard

Godspeed!

Overcoming Challenging Obstacles

Excerpts from, Overcoming Challenging Obstacles by Twinkle VanFleet below.

The past few years have been a test of strength, endurance, and possibilities amidst constant setbacks to overcome. 5 years after the injury that led to my CRPS, I did go back to school for a degree in Corporate Publishing. At the end of 2006 I took leave to have my permanent Spinal Cord Stimulator implanted and I returned approximately 10 weeks later. Due to not being able to drive any longer, my husband took me and picked me up in between his own full-time work schedule. By 2007, I wasn’t able to keep up any longer. My grandson was born in 2006, too. My husbands first heart attack when he was 37, 2 stent placements, his Diabetes diagnosis, he only used accumulated vacation time for it and returned to work in a weeks time. In 2007, we bought or first home, but he also lost his 13 year career and stability when his company C.S.A.A. (AAA) relocated out of California. I continued to raise awareness for chronic pain, met Trudy Thomas, became a leader at MD Junction’s RSD Support and remained for 3 years. My own support group which I began on My Space in 2003 was moved to Facebook, yet I didn’t move the members with it. I like for people to find us rather than to send out invites or notify. I met Barby through Trudy. My son had a traumatic brain injury in August of 2011 and my husband had a second heart attack within a year. I stayed in the PICU with Ozra for 10 days. In December of 2012 I stayed at the hospital with my husband for the entire 9 days during his quadruple bypass surgery, the first few days I slept in the van. In 2012, I had Gall bladder surgery and in 2013 I had another Gall bladder surgery which included the removal of part of my liver and multiple hemangioma’s. https://rsdadvisory.com/2013/07/17/gall-bladder-fiasco-continued-and-hopefully-the-final-chapter/

2014 my daughters liver disease, our sons birth defect diagnosis from Shriners Children’s Hospital unrelated to his TBI and my surgery to have my SCS battery replaced. Piece of cake, mostly. 2015 started with a bang and 3 weeks of hard Cymbalta, Zonegran, and Clonazapam withdrawal due to WC delaying Rx refills. The other 2 weren’t filled either, but really no effects from them as much as the other 3. I no longer take Clonazapam or get the Lidoderm. It hasn’t been easy, especially when Clonazapam did help and pain management medication was and is already at the lowest minimum. I already do all that I can to minimize my own agony and I practice these coping strategies each and every day. My husband just had surgery to repair a torn shoulder a few months ago and we just learned by MRI he has another tear in his knee. We’re still learning all we can at Stanford for our daughter. Rikki is managing well. My purpose is in helping others, it’s all I’ve ever done one way or another, but it isn’t my passion. I’ve come to realize it can’t be. It’s not the fire flickering about the dancing flames that motivates my spirit to fly. My bucket-list goal survives all this. It’s not writing, I have that. It’s not policy, POP gave me that opportunity again. It’s much deeper than that, at least for me. Our son and oldest daughter are moving in together on the 1st. My man and I will have our home to ourselves. January 26th begins my 16th year. I’m not sure where 2016 will take us, I just know I take a lickin’ and keep on tickin’ … for mine.


Overcoming Challenging Obstacles

“Pain isn’t in our head, but it is in our brain, and our minds. Pain is sent from the spinal cord, sending messages to our brain, back to our spinal cord and up and down those nerve pathways. Pain signals reach our endorphins, limbic system, https://www.dartmouth.edu/~rswenson/NeuroSci/chapter_9.html hypothalamus, where they then affect our emotions and other bodily functions. http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=10812

Functional restoration afforded me lessons and insight to be able to push on. Sometimes we already realize these lessons for someone else, but when it’s us, we don’t recognize it the same, we change, unless we change us back.

It’s a daily process to overcome additional challenges brought on by chronic or intractable pain. It’s moment by moment at times. Having to stop something suddenly to practice breathing exercises to decrease a stress situation brought on by either emotion or a spike in pain, bring a rise in blood pressure down, use focal points, imagery or going to my “happy place” in my mind to ease myself.

“I will walk, when I cannot walk I will carry myself, when I cannot carry myself, I will fly” ©2009-2015 Twinkle VanFleet/@rsdcrpsfire Written while attending Compass Center for Functional Restoration

John C. Thomas, PhD, Rick Wurster MSG, MPT, ABP, BCIAC, Leticia Camarena M. A., Tatyana Yatsenko, Larry Lane, Patient, Patient, Twinkle VanFleet, Patient. Compass Center for Functional Restoration Graduation July 17, 2009

I began recording both my P & E. I tracked my “pain” level and my “emotional” level using the same Numeric Rating Scale. The 11 point 0 – 10 scale where 0 represents “no pain” and 10 represents “worse pain imaginable”, “as bad as I can imagine” or unimaginable. I don’t do this anymore because I’ve learned to have the awareness without tracking, but for example at the moment I logged, my E/emotions/stress was an 8 and my P/pain/physical was a 5, I would eventually learn that my pain level would most likely rise anytime. I had to use my cognitive tools right away to reduce my stressors in order to manage the physical pain. I discussed this concept at MDJunction.com when I was a group leader in the RSD Support Forum in 2009.

Life itself can be hard, add pain to it, and it’s even harder. It can be managed with the right tools. It’s never going to be perfect, but we can make it as comfortable or as tolerable as possible for ourselves. Removing or decreasing triggers that instigate pain have eased me. I can’t watch the internet all day. It’s not because I don’t love or care for everyone. It’s because there are pain triggers everywhere. When we see images, graphics, memes of illness or disease scrolling by, especially our own, a trigger can occur. I’ve learned over the years to recognize this. I have the awareness to understand that I can be a contributing factor in my own discomfort.

I never went to preschool and Kindergarten was only for a week or two. I started school in the first grade. I was taught at home and I was reading at advanced levels by the age of 5. My comprehension and spelling ability was always above average. While I either suppressed it or just didn’t care to acknowledge it, I did go to special classes in the first and second grade because I couldn’t pronounce the letter’s S and T in words and sentences properly. I was a critical thinker immediately in life. http://www.criticalthinking.org/pages/defining-critical-thinking/766

By the time I got to my 4th elementary school in the middle of the school year in the second grade, I didn’t have to tell anyone I went to the classes with the special ones. Those new kids and that neighborhood became the ones I grew up with until I left Sacramento in October of the 9th grade to move to L.A. County for my dad’s job. The rest of that year carried with it a bit of insecurity. I started Drama at my new high school and as a Junior I was in second year advanced drama, speech, debate and thespian clubs, involved in school plays, in chamber singers for a while, I swirled the baton too, but chose my priorities and kept to the one’s I still use today. By the middle of the 11th grade I was off to the high desert where my parents bought a home. I’ve been in 4 high schools, 2 Junior high’s due to the district split and several elementary. I learned to adapt young. I may not like it, but I do it fairly well. I’m a survivor of repeated childhood molestation and indirect physical and emotional abuse.

I’ve been an Empath http://themindunleashed.org/2013/10/30-traits-of-empath.html for as long as I can remember. I can vividly still remember leaving my teething ring on the back metal bumper edge of my dad’s best friend’s pickup truck and them driving away with it. I’m hypersensitive to people, places and things sometimes to my own detriment, yet I’m also a no-nonsense girl. I’m inclined to the natural order of things, including man and woman, but I’m not a doormat. I love my crazy and he does, too! Why? Because it’s really not all that crazy, I just like to have it appear so in the midst all the uncertainty in life. Laughing is the best medicine of all. If I can make you laugh, give you something to laugh at even if it’s at my own expense, I’m thrilled to have been of service.”

Empathy Vs Sympathy

http://www.diffen.com/difference/Empathy_vs_Sympathy

Sure there are times I think “Dang, no one gets it!” I don’t mean in everyday situations, I mean in my critical thinking. Those who are on the same page fear agreeing openly until my thought, reasoning, even an educated statement that I make is validated by someone with high education, authority or status. By that time I really don’t need the care, concern or acknowledgment. I might have needed it when I was no one to be acknowledged for. No one will ever know in these situations because I’ll not ever treat them any different and there isn’t any animosity, but there is recall. Why? Because everything we do or don’t do to another person makes an impact on them. Those impacts influence the rest of their lives by accumulation in decisions and choices. This includes my interaction with other people.

By the time I was in the 4th grade I was in the MGM program. At that time called Mentally Gifted Minds. My 9-year-old grandson is currently in the Gifted and Talented Education Program (G.A.T.E.).

During the 4th to 6th grade 2 of my class periods were reserved for tutoring the NES (Non English Speaking) students who just joined our Country from Vietnam, and other Southeast Asian communities. I was 8 years old when I began the 4th grade. These years were 1975-1977/78. Due to being bright enough to be a student teacher at such a young age, I missed normal class subject time; I began to fall behind in math studies. My mathematical education is only that of general knowledge. I held enough that I was promoted to General Manager for a Restaurant by the time I was 24.

I started college when I was 15 in the high desert of California. Law and Acting. I studied both Fundamentals of Crime and Delinquency and Theory and Practice of Acting. I loved being a minor, non-adult, in an adult law class. I loved that my mind was evolving, but it was at a pace others couldn’t keep up with. I loved learning by law enforcement mentors and the few things I participated in to grow and develop lifetime strategies for. I’ve been fond of the Law, Sociology, Philosophy, Theology, Theosophy, The Human Mind, Psychology, Enlightenment, Consciousness. Alternative Lifestyles, Natural Order and the last decade or so Pain Psychology. I like various other topics relating to each of these, too. When I indulge in a book these are the things I enlighten myself in.”  Excerpts from, Overcoming Challenging Obstacles by Twinkle VanFleet (Currently unpublished in its entirety) ©2015 Twinkle VanFleet, Overcoming Challenging Obstacles. All rights reserved.

(Several paragraphs have been removed from the original for this share)


 

It really is a multi-disciplinary approach to pain care and taking an active role in our own overall well-being that makes the difference between making it or breaking it. Even if we have to fake it to make it to get there.

~Twinkle

Living with HOPE Radio Show: Re-Airs Live- NERVEmber 19, 2015

Living with HOPE - Trudy Thomas Radio Show LogoThe Living with HOPE Radio Show with Host Trudy Thomas will re air live NERVEmber 19th, 2015 on the Body, Mind, and Spirit Network. Due to health reasons she took leave in January and has been working toward returning.

I’ll be re-joining Trudy as co-host each Thursday at 2:30 p.m PST/5:30 p.m EST with a 30 minute guest speaker, or to review, or to discuss current affairs. The chat room will be available for your combination of listening and chatting pleasure. The call in number for the show is (929) 477-3203.

Please stay on the line to listen live or press 1 to speak to the host.

Living With Hope: Guest Twinkle Van Fleet

Together, we’ll bring you a diverse array of treatment options, healing essentials, technology, inspiration, activities, and living with hope.

Since 2007, Trudy’s mission has been to promote awareness for the millions of people who struggle with chronic or intractable pain. To let people know that they are not alone in their journey and that there is life after diagnosis. Trudy discusses various therapies and the emotional struggles that can arise with a chronic incurable condition such as RSD/CRPS and coming out on the other side. She strives to empower, inform and educate.

If you have a topic of interest or would like to request guest consideration and have any questions, Please, contact Trudy at: goldfield_nv@hotmail.com

With “Topic of interest” in the subject line to propose a topic. “Guest speaker” to be considered as a guest and “Question” to ask your question. Please provide your proposal or question for either. This helps filter email and requests to better serve you.

Hope to see you there!

 

Relaxation Techniques for Stress Relief: Finding the Relaxation Exercises That Work for You

For many of us, relaxation means zoning out in front of the TV at the end of a stressful day. But this does little to reduce the damaging effects of stress. To effectively combat stress, we need to activate the body’s natural relaxation response. You can do this by practicing relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, rhythmic exercise, and yoga. Fitting these activities into your life can help reduce everyday stress and boost your energy and mood.

The relaxation response: Bringing your nervous system back into balance

Stress is necessary for life. You need stress for creativity, learning, and your very survival. Stress is only harmful when it becomes overwhelming and interrupts the healthy state of equilibrium that your nervous system needs to remain in balance. Unfortunately, overwhelming stress has become an increasingly common characteristic of contemporary life. When stressors throw your nervous system out of balance, relaxation techniques can bring it back into a balanced state by producing the relaxation response, a state of deep calmness that is the polar opposite of the stress response.

When stress overwhelms your nervous system your body is flooded with chemicals that prepare you for “fight or flight.” While the stress response can be lifesaving in emergency situations where you need to act quickly, it wears your body down when constantly activated by the stresses of everyday life. The relaxation response puts the brakes on this heightened state of readiness and brings your body and mind back into a state of equilibrium.

Producing the relaxation response

A variety of different relaxation techniques can help you bring your nervous system back into balance by producing the relaxation response. The relaxation response is not lying on the couch or sleeping but a mentally active process that leaves the body relaxed, calm, and focused.

Learning the basics of these relaxation techniques isn’t difficult, but it does take practice. Most stress experts recommend setting aside at least 10 to 20 minutes a day for your relaxation practice. If you’d like to get even more stress relief, aim for 30 minutes to an hour. If that sounds like a daunting commitment, remember that many of these techniques can be incorporated into your existing daily schedule—practiced at your desk over lunch or on the bus during your morning commute.

Finding the relaxation technique that’s best for you

There is no single relaxation technique that is best for everyone. When choosing a relaxation technique, consider your specific needs, preferences, fitness level, and the way you tend to react to stress. The right relaxation technique is the one that resonates with you, fits your lifestyle, and is able to focus your mind and interrupt your everyday thoughts in order to elicit the relaxation response. In many cases, you may find that alternating or combining different techniques will keep you motivated and provide you with the best results.

How you react to stress may influence the relaxation technique that works best for you:

How do you react to stress?

Do you tend to become angry, agitated, or keyed up?

You may respond best to relaxation techniques that quiet you down, such as meditation, deep breathing, or guided imagery

Do you tend to become depressed, withdrawn, or spaced out?

You may respond best to relaxation techniques that are stimulating and that energize your nervous system, such as rhythmic exercise

Do you tend to freeze-speeding up internally, while slowing down externally?

Your challenge is to identify relaxation techniques that provide both safety and stimulation to help you “reboot” your system. Techniques such as mindfulness walking or power yoga might work well for you

Do you need alone time or social stimulation?

If you crave solitude, solo relaxation techniques such as meditation or progressive muscle relaxation will give you the space to quiet your mind and recharge your batteries. If you crave social interaction, a class setting will give you the stimulation and support you’re looking for. Practicing with others may also help you stay motivated.

Relaxation Techniques and More Information-

via Relaxation Techniques for Stress Relief: Finding the Relaxation Exercises That Work for You.

Binaural Beats, Relaxation and Meditation

hs-process1Binaural Beats can be a beneficial add to your toolbox. These beats help induce meditation, relaxation and sleep. I’ve used them for sometime now. Due to the frequency ear buds or ear phones are needed. Regular speakers will not work. The frequency and tone cannot be heard. Even with your ear phones it is light. This is why I find Binaural’s soothing and helpful.

Here are a few to get you started. I have many more. There are also soothing sounds applications you might enjoy. Sounds of birds chirping, wind blowing, the ocean, leaves rustling, My 2 favorite Apps for these types are Relax Melodies: Sleep & Yoga and Natural Sounds Relax and Sleep. They are both available on Amazon for Kindle and Google Play Store for free. Once you’ve learned how to relax, stress reduces and when stress subsides so does physical pain. Over the years, I have learned to become conscious of the extra pain I cause myself by tightening my muscles. For the longest time I had no idea that I did it. Practicing relaxation and releasing physical and mental tension a few times a day can relieve the body and mind of added torture.

Always be as well as you can be.

I hope you enjoy!

 

Deep Sleep ~ Pure Tone Binaural Beat

4 Hours Mountain Stream – Relaxing Nature Sounds

“Deep Sleep” – Isochronic Binaural Beats ★ Fall Asleep Fast

Sleep Induction and Lucid Dreaming Binaural Beats ~ Memorable Vivid Dreams

2 Hours Lucid Dreaming Hypnosis for Deep Sleep & Good Dreams

8 Hour Deep Sleep Music: Delta Waves Sleep Meditation, Deep Sleep, Inner Peace

Deep Sleep & Binaural Beats Meditation & Relaxation Music for over 1 hour

Alpha Binaural Beats for Relaxation, REM Sleep, Lucid Dreaming, Visualisation, 4 HOURS