Masala

Masala

images - masala - image source tritonprinting

Image Source: Tritonprinting

Pity wasn’t her calling,
resilience was.

Certainty wasn’t the future,
overcoming impossibles were.

Hope didn’t always exist,
faith always had.

Giving selflessly was admired,
a gift misunderstood.

Receiving wasn’t an option,
earning it was.

Hardships were just ripples,
meticulousness would wash them away.

Progress had to be for herself,
determination would be solo

A medly of flavorful masala,
unique from the status quo.

©2017 Twinkle VanFleet. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized duplication prohibited. Copyright Laws and Regulations of the United States http://www.copyright.gov/title17/

Pain

 

pain-by-twinkle-vanfleet

Pain is overrated,

Pain is underrated,

Pain is misstated,

Pain is subjugated.

 

Pain is subjective,

Pain is protective,

Pain is deceiving,

Pain is objective.

 

Pain is loving,

Pain is restless,

Pain is heartless,

Pain is breathless.

 

Pain is productive,

Pain is weakness,

Pain is strength,

Pain is forgiveness.

 

Pain is reminders,

Pain is blinders,

Pain is reckless,

Pain isn’t faithless.

 

Pain is teaching,

Pain is reaching,

Pain is giving,

Pain is receiving.

 

Pain is passion,

Pain is purpose,

Pain is humble,

Pain is service.

© 2017 Twinkle VanFleet. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized duplication prohibited. Copyright Laws and Regulations of the United States http://www.copyright.gov/title17/

Sharing permitted without alteration.

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Making and Breaking Habits

According to Dr. Candace Pert, Ph.D. “our physical body can be changed by the emotions we experience”. http://www.slate.com/blogs/quora/2013/05/06/does_it_really_take_21_days_to_break_a_habit.html
habits1-jpg-crop-rectangle3-large-image-source-slate-com-blogs-quora

Image Source: Slate – Quora

Imagine pain accompanied by negative emotions. It’s a vicious cycle. Stress instigates physical pain and physical pain complicates stress.

If we can replace a bad habit with a new good habit and form a parallel pattern that doesn’t trigger stress we can replace and reset our own ability to break or make a habit well.

Physical pain becomes a habit. We didn’t intentionally cause it, yet many other habits aren’t based on intent either they are learned responses, learned helplessness. Behaviors and habits formed by pain can be difficult to overcome.

Habits are much easier to form than they are to break. Repeating any adverse behavior often enough results in a habitual process and synaptic pathways become worn.

Our brains are most adaptive and change is possible.

Twinkle VanFleet, GohlProgram


MLT and Stretching

https://rsdadvisory.com/2017/01/31/mlt-and-stretching/

Babies – Hands on

https://rsdadvisory.com/2017/01/31/babies-hands-on/


21 days to make or break a habit?

Today

http://www.today.com/health/think-itll-take-21-days-make-your-resolution-habit-try-2D11826051

WebMD

http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/3-easy-steps-to-breaking-bad-habits#1

Yahoo Answers

https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=A0SO8wWxvpRY0oIAh0NXNyoA;_ylu=X3oDMTEyYTN1MDl1BGNvbG8DZ3ExBHBvcwMxBHZ0aWQDVUkyQzNfMQRzZWMDc2M-?qid=20080210120707AAquMAY

HOWSTUFFWORKS SCIENCE

http://science.howstuffworks.com/life/inside-the-mind/human-brain/form-a-habit.htm

http://science.howstuffworks.com/life/inside-the-mind/human-brain/form-a-habit1.htm

Quora

http://www.slate.com/blogs/quora/2013/05/06/does_it_really_take_21_days_to_break_a_habit.html

 

 

Highs and Lows

I reactivated Facebook and my posts were all positive highs. My lows would come eventually and they did. 4 days ago I began weaning myself from the 30 of Cymbalta to 15, I had already reduced from 60 to 30. I’ll never know until I’m completely off of it again if my choice to do so can be a positive outcome. After more than a half dozen times in less than 2 years of abrupt discontinuation and what the brain itself goes through just to get through it, I have no idea if I’ll ever be what I was before ever starting it over a decade ago. Perhaps I should not have allowed anyone to put me back on it for nerve damage/depression after I was off it for nearly 6 months in 2016. Cymbalta is a Selective Serotonin Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitor.

https://www.drugs.com/cymbalta.html

http://www.fda.gov/Safety/MedWatch/SafetyInformation/SafetyAlertsforHumanMedicalProducts/ucm150748.htm

When we consider that the chemicals in our brains are altered by the use of these medications, common sense dictates an effect, adverse or otherwise, when removing them from our bodies. The natural chemicals have to work again, or not. It’s not so simple, but it’s understood.

My husband has been in failing health for years. Finally, I think he’s taken to heart the importance of what he can do for himself with or without myself to prevent further illness and even restore that which has already declined.

Sometimes it’s takes doing something profound to make a profound difference. ~Twinkle EKV

Don’t worry my friends it may seem like something is wrong but on the contrary everything is quite right or where it should be right now.

I promised my kids that if I ever felt like going where I had before, I’d do one thing. I did. I kept that promise and they kept theirs. That’s reestablishing trust and commitment.

I’m a little too smart, and a little too dumb to let an opportunity to help someone else pass us by. That’s okay because I love being both.

If I stopped talking about it all the purpose in the purpose itself would fade. That would mean that there would be no impact to make to show people they can physically heal, and when they heal, those emotions can also.

Somebody asked me if I still have a job..

Yes I do,

Until I don’t.

spiritual-healing-image-words-image-source-manifistation-divine

Image Source: Manifestation Divine

Babies – Hands on.

Imagine new born babies, when they cry, we soothe them. We massage their tiny bodies with our hands and comfort them. Most of them stop crying. This is an example of direct hands on therapy. Imagine what the baby would do if not soothed, rubbed down, comforted physically. They would remain in pain and as time moved forward they would not know to feel anything else.

comforted-babies

It’s not so hard to see that physical ease also releases emotional pain. A crying baby is experiencing both simultaneously.

Imagine aches and pains that aren’t associated with chronic illness and what people experience in body already.

Chronic pain becomes seemingly unmanageable because inflammation itself continues on until it’s eased and it attacks everything else our bodies are.

We can prevent those domino effects that occur as a result of an original illness or injury.

We’re prescribed pain medications to assist a health related quality of life (HRQol). We’re implanted with technology to relieve pain in order to establish this QoL. This is what these are for. If we take the medication or use the devices, we’re supposed to be using them for our benefit, well being, not just taking them or having them to continue to waste away.

Understand?

GohlProgram.com

MLT and Stretching

MLT and Stretching
Animals, house pets, dogs and cats stretch continuously. We watch them as they roll around, stretching to wake, stretching during the day and before they sleep, manipulating their limbs, working out their aches and pains, stressors, assisting their muscles, joints, bones, internal organs.. their tendons to be usable and movable.
In considering our own bodies it would make sense that if we do the same we could minimize pain and weakness in ourselves.
Animals with ailments or who are aging still stretch.
As people, the majority of us don’t. Those with pain related diseases, illnesses or syndromes believe that because of pain they either can’t or shouldn’t.
Imagine what we do to ourselves by not doing so. Imagine that while we think we’re doing ourselves good or better in pain, we aren’t.
As pain worsens and tendons tighten, muscles waste and bones and tissue deteriorate, we deteriorate.
Add emotional trauma, past or present, life, work, day to day activities, triggers, etc and the natural ability to heal ourselves decline.
Nearly all of us are taught to keep our garbage to ourselves, especially, psychological trash. Don’t tell it, don’t talk about it, and don’t bring your negativity on the family. After all, you might become an adverse reflection, yes?
People learn to protect and defend others before themselves.
What happens as a result? Pain.
It’s not just our minds that carry memories, our physical bodies do also. Flesh, organs, tendons, muscles, tissue contain memories and recall of both physical and psychological trauma.
Manual Ligament Therapy (MLT) releases those memories in the body via direct hands-on methods.
Stretching daily activates well being, promoting proper blood flow through the extremities, minimizes or eliminates inflammation, restores healthy cell production. Cells are constantly multiplying. Damaged cells would copy themselves as damaged cells, and healthy cells duplicate to be healthy again.
Only in the most severe cases would the likelihood of cell replenishment be less possible. Generally the abnormal structure of chromosomes themselves dictate a negative outcome.
Even in autoimmunity where the body attacks itself the possibility still exists to change the path inside us. Our bodies “learn” just as our minds do. If it only knows pain, all it might ever know is the same. Reverse it and it might re learn that pain isn’t a lifetime sentence.
Abnormal processing Vs pain perception.
It might not be easy, yet it’s possible.
Imagine what people carry inside them. Once physical pain begins it will resume until the cycle is broken or reversed.
Release physical and emotional trauma and most of us could heal ourselves.
We don’t live in that world yet, but if we could?
Posted as a Note on Facebook January 29, 2017
believe

The Last 6 Weeks in Review

justlive

It’s been 6 weeks since I completed the Gohl Program. This post will share progress and setbacks since returning from the healing retreat. Hard times dictate choices. A week after returning I lost 3 puppies. 2 of them, I held until they took their last breaths. One of them I held all day. Both of them I gave my own breath to to try to save them. I lost them 12 hours a part, so those 3 days were intense. My son’s car was stolen out of his driveway with important gear in the trunk. It was located abandoned the next day but without the safe.

My mom and dads home burned down.

News 3 Exclusive

Vietnam veteran, wife and granddaughter lose Harris County home in fire
@Ashley_G_WRBL
Published: December 2, 2016, 6:40 pm Updated: December 5, 2016, 9:51 am

Don Tresca Vietnam Vet house Fire (Please share)

https://www.gofundme.com/dbxzr5rw?ssid=835607202&pos=2

My daughter’s liver is still unstable and with little to do for it. She’s been a patient at the Liver Transplant center at Stanford for awhile now and is being sent to their pain management for care.

My husband was cleared for knee surgery though we’re still waiting on scheduling.

In the midst of it all, I’m trying to maintain reductions in pain with physical movement, stretching, and all those things I need to do to recover and strengthen myself further.

Right now, I’m doggie sitting and have been since Monday. Aloha and Gaia came home. They’re Ohana’s brother and sister. They were born on Valentine’s Day, hours after I was admitted to the hospital. They were named from me having just returned from Hawaii a month before. Mahalo and Cupid are no longer with us. Aloha was renamed Legend by his new family and Gaia was renamed Bella. They’ve been together all along and came home as if they never left. They knew their birth place, they knew their den. They were both also reunited with their mother, Oreo. Aloha and Gaia sleep at my head, Ohana sleeps behind my knees, Lilly flower in the crook of my neck and Independence at my feet. Yep full twin bed. Freedom, Amo, and Oreo with my husband.

My CRPS legs and feet are still doing fairly well for what they had become all the years prior and for what they’re becoming. Pain in my arm is much better than before. There really isn’t anything wrong with my arm, directly, it’s referred pain and symptoms from my back, spine. Nerve roots and all that blah blah. I can feel the tug of the curves in my spine and it’s still sort of depressing because I don’t know how to reverse the errors in my own body anymore than I know how to correct the mistakes in healthcare that could have potentially eased it if it had been addressed. The only time my back effects my legs is when those bones shift.

I don’t think most will ever realize the difference in pain levels before and after MLT. That even with these issues the impact of learning what to do for ourselves and how we can decrease additional pain and symptoms simply by a therapy rather than by medication or injections.

After the California International Marathon I was down a few days but that was because I attempted a walk I hadn’t done in 16 years. These few days however wasn’t the week + that activity, events, walking, standing, movement or even stress would have previously caused.

It’s not easy my friends, but it’s getting easier. I don’t have pain medication to turn to for chronic or even an acute situation and I’ve flat out never cheated taking any even when they were in my reach. February will be a year without medication management for pain and related symptoms.

I use sublingual oil and gummies, medicinal, on occasion. I’ve also used Kratom, which has no more risk than opioids when used responsibly.

I still haven’t turned my SCS back on. Not because I didn’t need it a few times but because I’m struggling to not want to need anything. I’m still not using my ASV. I still have no plans on ever being put in a scoliosis brace and I’m still not considering corrective surgery for it.

Wanna live? Don’t rely on others to fulfill it for you.

“Do not ask the stones or the trees how to live, they can not tell you ; they do not have tongues; do not ask the wise man how to live for, if he knows , he will know he cannot tell you; if you would learn how to live , do not ask the question; its answer is not in the question but in the answer, which is not in words; do not ask how to live, but, instead, proceed to do so.”

Page 9  ~Magicians of Gor

Control | Spoken Word

Control by Twinkle VanFleet

Control it
Hold it
(Down)

Rolling the dice (Gamble) (Rambling?)

Ascendancy
Enough of
(Play off?)

Regulate
Not anymore
(Keeping score?)

Oversight
Not really, though
(As above, so below)

california-state-capital-california-international-marathon-december-4-2016

California International Marathon, California State Capital December 4, 2016.

(Everything and nothing)

(Balance)

Ascertain
Rarely exists (Remain?)

Responsibility
Owning it
(Grow)

Authority
Consider this
(Risk)

Influence
Subsist
(With…?!)

Controlled

(Dismiss it)

Throw down
(Profound?)

Broken, hoping
(Coping)
Faded, Jaded

Climb, rhyme
(Time)
Sublime, realign.

©2016 Twinkle VanFleet. All Rights Reserved. Copyright Laws and Regulations of the United States http://www.copyright.gov/title17/

wwgrctwvf_rsdadvisory

Stress’Less

Definitions of stress include the physical pressure, pull, or other force exerted on one thing by another; strain, mental, emotional, or physical strain or tension. In physiology, stress is defined as; a specific response by the body to a stimulus, as fear or pain, that disturbs or interferes with the normal physiological equilibrium of an organism. In medicine: A physical or psychological stimulus that can produce mental tension or physiological reactions that may lead to illness. Stressless is then the opposite of the above, having no stress, without.

Image Credit by Ozra September 24, 2015 Bay Area CA_1.

Image Credit by Ozra

 

Included in my letter of resignation to the International Pain Foundation was that “Stress is my weakness” right now. It had become my weakness since January of 2015. I had come to realize a long time ago that stress increased physical pain and uncontrolled physical pain instigated anxiety highs for me. I had struggled on and off with bouts of depression. Prior to this year diagnosed with mild recurrent major depressive disorder secondary to the injury that led to my CRPS and a psych sequela.  A confirmed diagnosis of PTSD, which I’ve shared a couple of times over the years, but have not discussed much of. My PTSD isn’t a solo diagnosis for a specific event, but rather multi diagnosis’ for multiple unrelated events.

It’s been a hell of a year! It’s also been heaven! Can you imagine? The best and the worse, the worse and the best happening simultaneously over a short period of time? Next month begins a year since that first night I can’t ever erase from my existence. Valentines Day becomes a year to the day, and the 3rd week in April is the second. I’m really only 8 months forward from it all. I really have a way to go in healing.

I think I’m doing pretty darned good for pain having not been addressed until a few weeks before I tried the Gohl Program (October 24th) and the Manual Ligament Therapy performed by Arik Gohl. After transferring my primary care to the Ellison Ambulatory Care Center and choosing the teaching facility so that students could learn from me and I could learn from them, I was sent to a new pain management facility rather quickly. This though only covered my upper body, not my lower. I was now opposite of what I had endured in the many years prior. I had been covered for my bilateral CRPS and SCS, but not for my upper extremities. I had a CT, learned of what had been occurring with my spine, the several new diagnosis’s, started PT, ended PT and I had 2 cervical steroid injections and decided after the program to cancel the 3rd.

Leaving iPain was abrupt and perhaps shitty, deactivating my Facebook account was also abrupt and spontaneous. Heck, declining followup appointments, injections, and mental health care was also on the spot. I know each of the perceptions that can be considered. 1. I’m reckless. 2. I’m Bipolar. 3. I only considered myself. 4. I’m playing games. 5. I’m crazy. 6. Out of character.

Let me help sort these out. 1. I’m not careless of consequences nor am I irresponsible. 2. I wouldn’t care if I was, but I’m not. 3. I considered everyone in those split seconds, including myself. 4. The only games I like to play are slots. 5. I love my crazy as do many others. 6. Perhaps, though it could have been in character all along.

What does that mean? In character all along? Pain, passion, purpose. Compassion, forgiveness, devotion, appreciation, thankfulness, gratitude,and diversity are all strong traits for me as is compliance, submission, and loyalty. Those can sometimes provoke conflict. But then again, I’m a different kind of duck.

As 2013 ended and I couldn’t change what I needed to, I couldn’t make someone else want to live, take care of themselves, after being given new life, or repair someone else’s frontal lobe from damage, or make tumors disappear in another and I couldn’t change the errors of others from a 2012/2013 healthcare related failure for myself, I rose and fell, but got back up each and every time.

Until I couldn’t, until I didn’t want to anymore.

In 2012 I had my Gall Bladder removed after a painful 20 hour wait in the Emergency Department. Acute or Chronic, the wait was painful. When I was taken back, I was scheduled for surgery immediately. I hemorrhaged during both surgeries a year apart.

 

I had never felt judgement in healthcare prior to this second removal. I had never been treated adversely or in any judgmental way. Ever!

A month ago, I would have never considered resigning as Advocacy Director and after being apart of iPain 5 years. On the contrary my only vision was remaining indefinitely.

“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” — Dr. Seuss

Fighting for your own life, while already fighting for others, up close and personal others, in addition to advocacy. And not knowing, or understanding, right in the midst of the end, who to choose, what to choose. Me or them. I can still hear the words that slipped from my lips to him that night. I can see it all so vividly and I can hear my own quivering voice say it to him so powerful that..

(Maybe I’ll share the rest of that another time)

But I survived. And then I survived again. And I was pissed! I had to be who someone else wanted me to be.. still. I couldn’t be unwell, not dangling, and make sure that I didn’t disappoint anyone, pretend it never happened because such events are unbecoming of family matters, social knowledge and sometimes even friendships or that online I had to be talked about in whispers and private calls and that would have all been okay as long as the record was correct. All it takes for accuracy is to ask the question. If someone doesn’t wish to answer it still doesn’t mean to create a scenario.

I was negative for all prescribed and illicit drugs, including all those extra’s screened for. I declined pain care by first responders and I declined pain management upon arrival at the hospital.

Consider that I had not been taking pain meds, opioid related, legal or illegal, benzo’s etc, and once injected in the ambulance there would have been no way to prove I had none of these substances in my system. Not even Marijuana. Understand? I don’t regret the 200 ml bottle of Vodka I finished just minutes before those acts of “I’m done!”. Nope!

All I’ve wanted to do is fight. I won’t go looking for confrontation, but if I’m confronted, hands. It’s really not as wrong as it seems. It just means that I protect my space and my ground.

Stress is down. Leveled.

Without, in regards to the internet.

“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” — Mark Twain

I always knew why, I just didn’t want to know to what extent.

 


https://rsdadvisory.com/2013/05/18/endoscopic-retrograde-cholangiopancreatography-52113-due-to-gall-bladder-removal-fiasco/

https://rsdadvisory.com/2013/07/17/gall-bladder-fiasco-continued-and-hopefully-the-final-chapter/

Facebook Deactivation | RSD(S)-CRPS Advisory Info & Support Group

By December 2nd my Facebook was deactivated. Even though I had considered it over the years, I was worried about losing my group and pages as a result, especially my RSD(S)-CRPS Advisory Info & Support Group created 13 years ago at another location. It was a spontaneous decision and one I have not regretted once.

This Group now belongs to Trudy Thomas featured Blog Talk Radio Host of The Body, Mind and Spirit Network and honorary leader of my group since it was moved to Facebook. If I choose to return it will be both Trudy’s and mine. Craig Fletcher remains an Admin/Leader and Erik and Kurtis VanFleet remain admins for the purpose of recovery. So that there are no misunderstandings Trudy is now me for the Group. Her decisions are as the current owner of the group. I have no doubts in her ability, choices, or decisions. I trust her to fulfill my vision, passion and purpose for which it was founded for.

Trudy is not available for drama, or he say’s she say’s. She would be available as able, as I was, in the event of an emergency situation such as specific breaking of the rules that were established long ago, or those being malicious or instigating toward one another. I may be involved from the background with updates from Trudy though I will not require them.

I’ll always want to know if all is okay. That’s because I care a bit too much and to my own detriment. Being an empath/sensitive only causes me to feel your pain, feelings, thoughts, dislikes, and emotions I rather not feel of you because then I’m over flowing with mine and yours, too.

Trudy is learning to live again and without her husband Mel of over 40 years. It’s only been a month since she lost him to inoperable cancer which had only been discovered 4 months before.

About 2 months ago I had posted on Facebook about Trudy, her situation, about someone we all knew (most of us) and it was a long post but I hadn’t shared who she was. This post was taken so far out of context from a few people believing I was talking about myself that I was dumbfounded. This wasn’t the only post misunderstood. I’ve posted random comments about family, life. I’ve shared meme’s, music, lyrics, poetry that of other’s and some of my own. I’ve shared lines or stanza’s in pieces and parts. Even those are taken adverse. I’m well aware that once it’s on the internet it’s always on the internet. I’m aware that if we make a post that we can’t expect others to comment if we put ourselves out there. Of course. I would never hop onto someone else’s page to scold them or entice an argument. I have however replied on my own page when someone bounces onto mine.

My point is that not everything is internet or online related, and sometimes things are. In this post it was online related, yet taken as something else, when an offline related post is assumed to be about online people. The perception is so often opposite of the intent. Left to interpretation by tone of type. The assumed tone of voice or mannerisms in the typed form of communication.

Please be mindful of Trudy’s loss. My heart continues to break for her.

Facebook is nothing but a trigger for me in my own healing and progress.

The Edge. There is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.
~Hunter S. Thompson

I’m still doing well since completing the Gohl Program on the 28th of October and will continue to provide progress updates on Manual Ligament Therapy (MLT) as able.

I’m still on Twitter @rsdcrpsfire and my other social media accounts are in tact at this time. I’m still an avid researcher and as hungry to learn as I’ve ever been. I’m also looking for work to attempt to provide for my husband and I.

Since resigning from iPain I have not joined any other organization, nor will I. I’ll share and support as I always had.

I made it to the California State Capital to support Mr. Nate Torgerson, Chief Engineer, Medtronic Stimulation Pain Therapies on December 4th at the California International Marathon where I was right there near the finish line to support him as he crossed it.

medtronic-nate-torgerson-crosses-the-finish-line-california-international-marathon-december-4-2016-photo-by-twinkle-vanfleet-jpg-large

Medtronic Chief Engineer, Pain Stimulation Therapies Nate Torgerson crosses the finish line at the California International Marathon in Sacramento. Photo credit: Twinkle VanFleet

I had the honor and privilege of meeting him later that evening for dinner.

Great conversation, sharing, learning, and food at Zocalo’s in downtown Sacramento. He asked me about my experience winning the Live On Give On Bakken award, and I told him what a surprise it had been to learn that I had and the honor it was to receive it from the hands of Dr. Earl Bakken himself.  Dr. Bakken is the co founder of Medtronic. Forever grateful to be chosen as 1 of 12 recognized internationally and being 1 of 2 from the United States. Twinkle VanFleet, Sacramento California. 

twinkle_vanfleet_carousel2

Twinkle VanFleet, Sacramento, CA, LiveOnGiveOn.org recipient. Original Press Release Photo.

Another honor was being contacted by Mr. Pat Anson of the Pain News Network to consider offering comment on an upcoming article. I accepted.

Opioid Pain Meds Rarely Involved in Suicide Attempts
December 05, 2016 By Pat Anson, Editor


I’ll keep sharing my story, what happened, how it happened, when it happened and anything else I can to support those lost by pain related suicide. As well as those survivors who can never go back to the moment before they attempted to take their own lives. I don’t get to go back and pray for an option, help, that wasn’t there but I can go forward understanding why they did it, what the breaking point was, how severe physical pain was to go against all they believed in just to be free from pain and suffering.

My casting calls are still booming with possibilities since I updated a couple of weeks ago. For now, I’m deciding, and brushing up on the various characters I can play.

Offline, I have an amazing reputation, respected in advocacy, legislation, held in wonderful regard by those that matter, including those in authority, business, politics, and healthcare even when in disagreement over a bill, debate or topic. Online, unless we already know each other, or have met in person it will rarely be the same because what you see isn’t always what you get and what you get isn’t what you’ve already given.

It’s all a stage.

Be good to one another.

~Twinkle VanFleet

#StrongerThanPain