Poetry- Imagery

Masala

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Masala

images - masala - image source tritonprinting

Image Source: Tritonprinting

Pity wasn’t her calling,
resilience was.

Certainty wasn’t the future,
overcoming impossibles were.

Hope didn’t always exist,
faith always had.

Giving selflessly was admired,
a gift misunderstood.

Receiving wasn’t an option,
earning it was.

Hardships were just ripples,
meticulousness would wash them away.

Progress had to be for herself,
determination would be solo

A medly of flavorful masala,
unique from the status quo.

©2017 Twinkle VanFleet. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized duplication prohibited. Copyright Laws and Regulations of the United States http://www.copyright.gov/title17/

Words

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Diversity by Twinkle VanFleet

Diversity by Twinkle VanFleet

3 weeks solo and trying to decide whether or not to merge all of it here. All of it. The pain, the passion, all that purpose, essays, the filed away lyrics, the unpublished poems, the soft erotica, those short stories, the dances. Dances?

Words.

I’m guessing I’d have to show you, you’d have to read it for yourselves. 20 years of being out there and circulating already.

Expression, adjectives, descriptive, alluring.

Unrelated to the pain communities. Though I suppose that there would be relief, ease, laughter and a sense of distraction in what I could have been providing all along.

No worries.

It’s only just begun.

Again.

x

 

 

Control | Spoken Word

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Control by Twinkle VanFleet

Control it
Hold it
(Down)

Rolling the dice (Gamble) (Rambling?)

Ascendancy
Enough of
(Play off?)

Regulate
Not anymore
(Keeping score?)

Oversight
Not really, though
(As above, so below)

california-state-capital-california-international-marathon-december-4-2016

California International Marathon, California State Capital December 4, 2016.

(Everything and nothing)

(Balance)

Ascertain
Rarely exists (Remain?)

Responsibility
Owning it
(Grow)

Authority
Consider this
(Risk)

Influence
Subsist
(With…?!)

Controlled

(Dismiss it)

Throw down
(Profound?)

Broken, hoping
(Coping)
Faded, Jaded

Climb, rhyme
(Time)
Sublime, realign.

©2016 Twinkle VanFleet. All Rights Reserved. Copyright Laws and Regulations of the United States http://www.copyright.gov/title17/

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Conscientious | Poem

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Conscientious
by Twinkle VanFleet

Distance, resistance
Defiance, compliance

Residual, peripheral
Visions, decisions

Subjective, objective
Experiences, differences

Reckless, perspective
Gracious, reflective

Ambition, intuition
Volition, submission

Relevancy, hesitancy,
Prevenancy, indefinitely

Precognition, transition
Recondition, re position.

©2016 Twinkle VanFleet All Rights Reserved. Copyright Laws and Regulations of the United States http://www.copyright.gov/title17/

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Drop a Beat (Rap it Up)

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By Twinkle VanFleet

Diversity by Twinkle VanFleet

Diversity by Twinkle VanFleet

Trip, slip, low to high,
They could’a killed you,
And you tried to die

Drop a beat,

‘N fuckin’ fly

Trip (Love that pen)
Slip (Fuck it 100 then)
Fly (Fly high over ‘n over again)

Fuck this shit (I’m in)
Just fly
Don’t let it pass by
(Don’t let anything fade by)

Stand out, step up
Dance
Rap it up

Smile (You’ve got that smile)
Laugh (Bring that pain down, awhile)

Break up (Break down)
Put it back together (Slow down)

Choose to live
Choose to die
Shit, just fuck ‘N Fly
It filled you up inside
For that moment you cried to die
(But you ain’t dyin’)

You chose to live (Still flying)
You gave to give (Still riding)
Now you’re chillin’ (Instead of dying) (No one’s dyin’)

You rose up
Yet you was hiding
Now you’re living, again
Instead of dyin’

Stand out, step it up
Dance!
Rap it up

Wrap that shit side up, let it go
Dance
On the reg, on the rise,
During the slip and the slide
Over the side
All alright now,
Deuces high

You know what

Jus’

 

Smile (Love that smile)
Laugh (Pain down, relaxed)

Rap ‘N Wrap it up (Don’t stumble over it. Shit tho’ gotta rise over it)
High fly, word! ai’ght…

Drop another beat, get on with it.

Rap it up.

©2016 Twinkle VanFleet/Golden Rainbow Poetry/All rights reserved. Copyright Laws and Regulations of the United States http://www.copyright.gov/title17/

 

 

The Opposite of Fear is Faith

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Image Credit by Ozra September 24, 2015 Bay Area CA_1.

Image Credit by Ozra

Is it? I think that’s a truth statement, mostly. Fear is defined as a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc.,whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid. One definition of Faith is defined as confidence or trust in a person or thing; belief in anything. Without having something to believe in, to add light to darkness, or hope in pain, change, love there really can’t be either. Yin and Yang. It takes one to have the other. It also takes commitment to oneself. Believing in ourselves when no one else does. Saving our own lives, if we must. 

“One betrayal costs a hundred devotions. One deception sacrifices ten loyalties. One misconception is the price paid toward assumptions and against each other”. ~Dyversiti

The struggle has been real and it’s been hard, but no one has really known that but me. I feel like the 5 years forward I’ve come (and the 10 years it took to get the there) has led 15 years backwards. I’m not physically or emotionally well and trying so very hard to not have a bitter heart.  ‘Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do”. I’ve always continued to love and care, and.. forgive even when the pain was on me because I was #StrongerThanPain and I was stronger because fear and faith ran simultaneously through me, always.

In Theology, Grace is defined as the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God; the influence or spirit of God operating in humans to regenerate or strengthen them. The Grace of God has been with me all the while. I’m already flawless in his eyes. Yet I fear… yes I fear, my journey has only just begun. Faith will evenly carry me through it. Hope is seemingly unconditional, but hope is conditional upon others, energy, an action.

BELIEVE

by Twinkle VanFleet

WITHOUT HOPE,

WE WOULD HAVE NOTHING TO PRAY FOR-

WITHOUT FAITH,

WE WOULD HAVE NOTHING TO BELIEVE IN,

WITHOUT LIFE AND DEATH,

WE WOULD HAVE NOTHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO-

WITHOUT GOD,

WE WOULD HAVE BEEN NOTHING AT ALL.

©1995-1999-2016 Twinkle Wood-VanFleet/Golden Rainbow Poetry/All rights reserved. (Written in the 80’s)

 

Dependent on medication management, I was. I still am, yet I’m not actually taking any pain relieving medication at all. It’s easier to send someone off to mental health than it is to understand that sometimes, usually, those meds give back life, instead of take it away. And in my case it did both.

Deliverance | Suicide

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Deliverance

By Twinkle VanFleet

TwinkleV March 2 2016

March 2, 2016

Your secrets she carried them well

Your regrets, she could have taken to hell

 

Your confidences, she held inside so tight

Your lies she covered them

From pretend to spreading for headlights

 

She took the blames as her own

Most- right toward the gravestone

Taken for granted; abandoned

Alone

 

Your lies she hid to never tell

For your own rise, prizes and people

Drained, too much to hold onto

Take some? Not even a little

Except your own sins to confess at the steeple

 

Deceptions, other’s misconceptions, restless

Decisions; pained spirit, heart, body and bones

Liquid courage, that little bottle lured it

To breaking down glass houses and home stones

 

Upon the pavement

She spread her wings

Intent, mission served

Ignitions curved

Reasons observed, so well deserved.

 

Abide or suicide

Ignored,  no one to reach for

Many folks lost, blind to the signs

People are given up on for not enough time

 

Will swear to God they never saw anything blue

The beginning becomes the end,

Suicide ensues

 

Reaching out, passively pleading, Negative 10-4

Raining, blaming, scolded, but still loved them more.

Pressed, distressed, stressed, aggressed, led to arrest

51-49 and a half, leaped toward ridding someone elses mess

Deliverance, have you guessed?

Insist, persist, wouldn’t resist, did her best

Affirmative, 5150, tests failed, now you’re dismissed!

 

—

#StrongerThanPain

#CRPS #RSD #Suicide #Ideations #deliverance #5150 #poeticimagery

—

I truly am grateful for life, but not all tests and experiences are mine or just for me…

They’re yours, too.

 

 

Mirage

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It’s unfortunate that as pain patients we have to play the game you want us to in order to be accepted into society. In the midst of the CDC’s Opioid Prescribing Guidelines that are being implemented and much of the commentary by various members of the medical community, PROP or anti opioid groups I’m left with a single phrase of truth. “I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t.” And so are you!
Pain patients should just push through it right? Okay! We should stop whining, quit complaining, cease everything you consider negative and survive it, right? Damned straight I’m right! But check it out! As soon as we do, to appease you, we’re well enough, we fabricated it, malingerers, and we’re a yxz with predominate pain as described in the ICD 10. We’re fine if we do and we’re lazy cry babies if we don’t. Oh and that pain we have? We’re just obsessed. Are you sure about that?
Comments are finally open-
Your voice is important

Federal Register Notice: Proposed 2016 Guideline for Prescribing Opioids for Chronic Pain

You finally have the opportunity to read what is included.
CDC Guideline for Prescribing Opioids for Chronic Pain — United States, 2016
I’ll be sure to have my death certificate fought in any instance, including suicide.
Enough really is enough already!

Mirage

December212012byKharismaVanFleet

By Twinkle VanFleet

Montage,
Entourage

Applause,
Just a Mirage

Envision,
Collision, precision.

Missions

Decision, revision
Division, supervision

Manifested, suggested

Visions,
Acquisition, recondition

Provisions

Volition, superstition,
Intuition

Illusion
Delusion,
Fruition,

Why?
Solutions

It’s all a ..
Mirage
A smudge on the collage.

©2015 Twinkle VanFleet/Golden Rainbow Poetry/All rights reserved. Copyright Laws and Regulations of the United States http://www.copyright.gov/title17/

 

Twinkle V December 12, & 15 2015 #CRPS #StrongerThanPain

December 12 and December 15th. Still haven’t combed out them braids. 

The funny thing is that some of us fake it to make it, but really…
It’s just a mirage.

 

Just One More Step

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By Twinkle VanFleet

Twinkle V and Baby Ozra 1997

My baby son and I- West Sacramento- Spring, 1997

I fight, you fight,
We fight together.
You fight, I fight,
We win forever.

“Just one more step, Mama!
Just one more step”
The little voice echoed,
Made it over the doorstep.

Let go, let go!
Neighbors gathered around,
She spread her wings,
The sticks hit the ground.

The little boy beamed,
In the crowd of praise.
Flying solo,
Because of him, she prayed.

I fight, you fight..
For that one more step!
You fought, I fought!
Haven’t stopped yet.

(Hook)
Step up, step down,
Step in, step out,
Step to, step from,
Just one more step Mama!
Just one more step!
Step it up, Step!
Just one more step Mama
Just one more step.

Just one

one

one

Just one more

(Chorus)
I fight, you fight
We fight together
You fight, I fight
We win forever

(Fight! we fightin’ it)

(Fight it)

(Just one more)

(All it takes)

(Just that one)

I fight, you fight..
For that one more step,
You fought, I fought
Haven’t stopped yet.

(Still fighting)

(Steppin’)

(You Steppin’)

(Just one more step, mine)

We haven’t stopped yet

Twinkle VanFleet and son Ozra #NERVEmber 14, 2014

#NERVEmber 14, 2014 Power of Pain Foundation National P.A.I.N Summit

©2015 Twinkle VanFleet/Golden Rainbow Poetry/All rights reserved. Copyright Laws and Regulations of the United States http://www.copyright.gov/title17/

“I fight, you fight, we fight together” ©Kurtis V.

This quote has been on the internet for over a decade. It originated from my 3 year old son. I carried those words online. They came from the mouth of a babe for his mama (me). On the internet it’s ©Kurtis V. Kurtis V is Kurtis VanFleet a.k.a Kurtis Ozie, Ozie and Ozra.

Wake Up

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Wake Up!

By Twinkle VanFleet

 

 Wake Up by Twinkle VanFleet

You don’t have to go there

 

Leave behind the bondage of someone else’s sin

 

You’re stronger than all you seemed

 

Be your own conscience, redeemed.

 

 

 

Wake up, wake up

 

 

 

Never met Angel, never met Molly,

 

Never headed toward the main line

 

Glanced over at the snow,

 

Wash broke so many lives.- 

 

 

 

Rising above the influence,

 

In crowds that made it seem

 

It’s okay to indulge,

 

Be accepted into the cream.

 

 

 

Redik, no trip, 

 

nevah needed the shit

 

Didn’t have to go there

 

Throw down, omit.

 

 

 

A little lick, no trick

 

Imagery and fuse

 

Before you miss the point 

 

This is my nikkah ass muse.

 

 

 

Pressure to the hopeless,

 

The ones left behind,

 

In a world full of chaos

 

Pain and loss entwined.

 

 

 

star-dust, where the go?

 

Ball, Bomber, chasing the grams

 

Crashing hard, heading for the Q 

 

Reaching for the Bamb Bambs.

 

 

 

Wake up, wake up,

 

Popping pills, La glass, got to go fast

 

Better not go there

 

They got your name on blast

 

 

 

Comin’ down, losing yourself,

 

Remember who you are

 

You make you or break you,

 

Come back from afar. 

 

 

 

Never had to meet Angel,

 

Never went looking for Molly,

 

Didn’t travel down that main line

 

No time for dimes just a few rhymes.

 

 

 

No mistake in walking the shoes

 

Of someone else, nothing to lose

 

All was gained, no regrets

 

I got this shit on reset

 

 

 

Let the devil’s catch the fade

 

With your own will power

 

Because only we control

 

Our final hour

 

 

 

Drug abuse, misuse, alcohol, wild hearts judged

 

No one got backbone, until they be grudged.

 

 

 

Wake up, wake up

 

You’re stronger than your worse dream

 

Love yourself first and last,

 

Be absolute and pristine.

 

 

I got you!

 

 

Wake up. 

 

©2014 Twinkle VanFleet. All Rights Reserved. Copyright Laws and Regulations of the United States http://www.copyright.gov/title17/

 

This piece is most likely controversial. There is much imagery in it. It’s written from the point of multiple views.  

 

It is dedicated to all those who struggle with addiction and all those who’ve come up on the other side despite the ‘tragedies’ of life. It does not reflect personal addiction, but rather understanding from multiple sources. Slightly edited from the original. 

Collaborative consideration open for discussion.

Any judgement for this piece will only make me prouder of it. #StrongerThanPain #Ohana