Imagine pain accompanied by negative emotions. It’s a vicious cycle. Stress instigates physical pain and physical pain complicates stress.
If we can replace a bad habit with a new good habit and form a parallel pattern that doesn’t trigger stress we can replace and reset our own ability to break or make a habit well.
Physical pain becomes a habit. We didn’t intentionally cause it, yet many other habits aren’t based on intent either they are learned responses, learned helplessness. Behaviors and habits formed by pain can be difficult to overcome.
Habits are much easier to form than they are to break. Repeating any adverse behavior often enough results in a habitual process and synaptic pathways become worn.
Our brains are most adaptive and change is possible.
Imagine new born babies, when they cry, we soothe them. We massage their tiny bodies with our hands and comfort them. Most of them stop crying. This is an example of direct hands on therapy. Imagine what the baby would do if not soothed, rubbed down, comforted physically. They would remain in pain and as time moved forward they would not know to feel anything else.
It’s not so hard to see that physical ease also releases emotional pain. A crying baby is experiencing both simultaneously.
Imagine aches and pains that aren’t associated with chronic illness and what people experience in body already.
Chronic pain becomes seemingly unmanageable because inflammation itself continues on until it’s eased and it attacks everything else our bodies are.
We can prevent those domino effects that occur as a result of an original illness or injury.
We’re prescribed pain medications to assist a health related quality of life (HRQol). We’re implanted with technology to relieve pain in order to establish this QoL. This is what these are for. If we take the medication or use the devices, we’re supposed to be using them for our benefit, well being, not just taking them or having them to continue to waste away.
At this time day after tomorrow I’ll have already changed flights to be on my way to my destination. I’m excited to learn and heal even more. This will be the first time since I was 17 that I’ve flown alone. I’ve been on flights since but never without my husband or children. The last Amtrak I was on derailed outside of Fresno California on the way to Corcoran. Initially that trip would have only been Ozra and I. Husband and Kharisma came at the last minute, Rikki was already in Corcoran with my mom and dad. We only sustained cuts and bruises. I can still remember grabbing for my baby as he tumbled and pushing Kharisma into my husband so he could hold onto her. I was the one injured the most but that was a result of my own actions to be sure the 3 of them would be okay. I never feared pain back then. Perhaps because it was acute pain or injury. I think that was mid 1997. My mom and dad were married in 1998 and this was before that. Ozra and I had taken the train several times from Sacramento to Corcoran. I haven’t been on a train since and within 3 years we’d lose our home and everything we worked for in the prior years to a fire, I’d be injured at work and not give birth to our last child due my own body during physical rehab and the medical mistakes and manipulation that followed.
I’m not afraid to fly. I love flying. ~laughs
Ironically the day I leave California, January 8th (2002) is the anniversary of that loss nearly 12 months after that injury that led to CRPS. Maybe I can finally let it go. Maybe.
I didn’t realize until later what the manipulation was all about and that’s why it’s stayed with me. And that’s why I always believed even when my faith was dangling that I wouldn’t hurt hard forever but I’d have to suffer to get there.
I want to help people feel better and find joy and laughter again. I want to be apart of showing others that there is an option for pain relief in MLT and the Gohl Program and I want to be apart of it in person, not solely online. I don’t want to live online. The internet does give a modicum of life back to people who are otherwise unable to have one. I know because I’ve been one of them. The internet also removes in person interaction and that’s why so many of us become isolated and develop social anxiety disorders. I still can’t drive but there may even be possibility in that again.
I have a lot of work to do to reverse 16 years of physical and emotional deterioration. I also know hard isn’t over yet, but it’s the beginning of living something I really don’t know to feel without pain. I’ve used pain as pain relief, a distraction. Pain diverts pain after all.
My family spent the evening together. It was a last minute, unplanned, lets go out for a bit. Mama’s idea! We had no plans other than to grandson sit if our daughter had any. Ozra didn’t have any evening plans, and Erika a.k.a Erykah had an event to work at 10:00 p.m. I haven’t been out for New Years Eve or New Years Day for many years beyond our children’s home and most years I just slept midnight away. I didn’t want to leave our 10 year old grandson behind and while I might like to party, I don’t. I chose a spot where De’Mantai Xayvier could enjoy the night with us. And that’s what we did. Erik (Massah), Kharisma Anna Magdalena (Maggie), Erykah (Rikki) (and Dan), Ozra (Kurtis) and Austin.
Nana and Grandson
Hard to keep up on our names? I know. Kharisma was named after me. Odd right? When I was growing up everyone told me I had a lot of charisma and I was always being told how charismatic I was. I named her for that. And gave her the K. I’ve always liked the unique side of people, places and things, so a C wouldn’t work. I was still a teenager when she was born. I was 18 when I conceived her and she was born when I was 19. Initially our second daughter was to be named Destynee, but I named her after her daddy instead. Erik –> Erika. Our son was to be Atreyu (Son of All) but I named him after his Dad and great great grandfather. Erik Kurtis –> Kurtis Ozra (Ozie). I gave the name Atreyu to another, later. De’Mantai is known as ‘Tai. And then me, I’m called Twink by my family and close friends, but my toddler childhood nickname that I’m still called often and publicly is Ooie. Pronounced 00 ee. oo-ee baby! Then there’s Twinks, Twinkles, and a few others.
So we gathered together for a bit and was home fairly early by 10:00 p.m. Earlier in the day we went home so I could grab that Cymbalta. Being off it was too much! At first I wanted to call it quits since I hadn’t taken it at all in 2 days because I had forgotten to bring it. I’m like, I got this! Well I didn’t. That crap is the devil. At first I only took the 30 mg, but it didn’t stop the feeling of jumping in and out of myself. It’s a hard experience. So about an hour later I took the other 30 and within 2 hours I was feeling better. So today I continued on the 60 and tomorrow I’ll go back to the 30 and hope for the best. I think about 10 days or so to be off it again. My cold is getting better, still have it, but not like it was. Phew! My shoulder is off and on again. Much better than just on.
Going back home this evening after an extended stay at our kids this week. Stayed a little longer because I wanted to minimize becoming sicker for longer when I have things to get ready for. Plus the toilet is torn apart in our bathroom, pulled the entire toilet from the ground and still needed more parts to try to fix the issue. Have those parts now so the man can work on it when we get home. Other repairs and replacements should only take a couple of months. Yay! Once that’s done, I’ll explain and share how other seemingly “impossible’s” are possible.
And with that, you might understand more clearly the last 3 years.
You’ll either be surprised, disturbed or dumbfounded.
In any event,
You might finally get it in it’s entirety. No matter how much I’ve told, left open to interpretation or slipped up on, I’ve never laid it all out for what it’s been.
I sound like a tease, huh? That’s because I am. 🙂 Sorting out how to start a new life, and be productive in society differently that I had been. Anxiety? Yup. Yet nothing of what it had been from fear of uncertainty and distress.
Deciding what to take and what not to. Not taking this laptop. Don’t need it. Where am I going? For now, just going.
Valerian root is helping. Drinking a lot of water to flush Cymbalta back out of me as I wean off it again. Got me covered on abrupt discontinuation this time.
I’m so happy my kids can just breathe now and my husband will be okay, too.
I have to be blessed for 2016. Without all that it’s been 2017 couldn’t have the same chance.
A brand new journey. One that in time I’ll share more of.
Came out to the porch a bit ago. I do love sitting out here when I’m at the kids. Still the only one up. Am awake early often now. A good thing. In bed really early most nights. E and K are going to R’s today. I think I’m going to stay here and move some files around, continue to watch the shows I have paused on Netflix and I don’t know, maybe a nap. Trying to get rid of a cold. Probably need to up the Vitamin C. Finally my eye is healing yet again. It’s really just become an annoyance.
I was thinking about one more piercing. All of mine represent a significant event in pain. Would love one that doesn’t mean pain at all. If my body rejected it though, I wouldn’t be a happy camper.
I started a video diary of sorts last night. Looking into learning voice recognition software, too. Takes a lot out of me to type. My lower body is doing amazing. My range of motion is incredible. I never held back on that. If a doctor said raise your arm, I just did. Squeeze their fingers, I just did. I didn’t show weakness like that even if I was screaming in my head.
Injuries in the same time period as I’ve been healing? Several. How can someone heal and be hurt at the same time? My perception of them isn’t the same as it was before. I’m not sure yet if it’s because I’m trying to learn my body as mine, or if I’m still disconnecting it as being separate from myself. In any event these injuries and pain that ensues from injuries or trauma hasn’t stopped me from my daily routines of strengthening. So what happened to my hands? I got in a dog fight. Ha! My left hand was bit, photo is 3 or 4 days after. My right hand, I’m not sure. Either mirroring left side, or from nerve root issues from my spine. Maybe. My foot is almost always banged up, but no additional swelling really. It’s actually doing really well considering. Without having had MLT, I highly doubt I’d be handling any of this. In fact, I’m fairly certain that I wouldn’t have accomplished over half of it. I do know that I had already been trying since summer time to strengthen my bilateral CRPS because my upper body had become so bad. Unrelenting on my right side without any assistance in health care at all.
December 18, 2016. Right hand, right foot.
December 18, 2016. Left hand.
I’m going to stick with holistic, or old ways of reducing pain. Healing and progress in body, mind and spirit and I want to learn from the people who practice it, use it, and I want to be someone who can utilize ancient healing, natural remedies, herbs etc instead of what’s just chaos in western medicine.
Still learning YouTube, uploading. Spend a lot of time reading books or articles on my Kindle. I try to get on Twitter to peek about a couple of times a day, and now I’ll share videos as able, but otherwise not too much else related to online.
Pain, passion, purpose, poetry, politics, philosophy and progress is all that’ll be covered in those video diary shares. Mood dependent of course. 🙂 #StrongerThanPain
Each day I find a little more peace in all of it. Maybe one day I can simply be peaceful.