In just the last few weeks both my auntie, who’s also my God Mother, and my Dad, my second dad, has been diagnosed with cancer.

My aunts came quickly. Confirmation that is. Metastasized full body. Seemingly quickly, I should say, it’s been there spreading to get to stage 4 like this. Doctors dismissed her complaints as whining. She’s on hospice at this time, and is declining rapidly.

We just learned of Dad a few days ago after a 9 day hospital stay. Small cell carcinoma lung cancer. We don’t know what stage yet.

My birth dad died of lung cancer in the 25th year of marriage with my mom.

My mom’s husband now was also her high school sweetheart before she met my birth dad. I’m so happy that after we lost my dad, she found the man who’s been my dad the last 25 years. My birth dad died when I was 22. This Dad has been an amazing husband to my mom, and wonderful dad to my sister and I, even though for me its at a distance.

A year ago docs said his lungs were fine.

I have anger because I don’t believe they fail to see spots, shadows, cancer in scans. They just don’t tell us earlier on. Call me paranoid but I don’t even care. Healthcare is a shitshow. Thats all it is. And people die because of it. Heartbreaking for aunties children and grands.

I’m trying to stay focused on all the good around me. Tone down emotions of worry and grief so I can be okay, too. So that stress doesn’t instigate my conditions. But of course, its occurring. I can’t reach my parents, they’re in Georgia, I’m in California.

I stay praying Dad still has time.

There’s both heartache and happiness. Happiness for all the love.

My daughter Rikki will be here Tuesday from Michigan. It’ll most likely be the last time she sees auntie.

Heavy.