The Rink

It’s been nearly 4 months since I first started the Gohl Program and underwent Manual Ligament Therapy (MLT) developed by Arik Gohl. You can check out my Case Study Documentation or my uncut documented sessions at Gohl Program TV on YouTube.

I had never skated with my 11 year old grandson. My own son who’ll turn 20 next month has no recollection of ever experiencing anything like that with me. I did take him when he was 2 and his sisters were pre teens, but only I have that memory for him. Ozra was 3 when the injury happened that led to my CRPS. Our girls were 11 and 12.

Night before last we went to pick up our grandson and we went skating. Next time it will be both he and Ozra with our girls, and a few others.

We shared on Facebook Live where I did fall in front of everyone, and I did get back up to try again. Here we are, hand in hand, (Pink blouse up against rail).

I never made it around the rink, but I made it onto the rink several times. I watched as people did all the things I once could also. Speed skate, skate backwards, dance skate. I use to love playing red light green light.

I might not be able to do any of those again, but one day, I will make it around the rink at least once.

No inline skating for me, not now, sometimes you have to start with 4 wheels.

Without MLT this would have never been possible.

 

 

 

 

Highs and Lows

I reactivated Facebook and my posts were all positive highs. My lows would come eventually and they did. 4 days ago I began weaning myself from the 30 of Cymbalta to 15, I had already reduced from 60 to 30. I’ll never know until I’m completely off of it again if my choice to do so can be a positive outcome. After more than a half dozen times in less than 2 years of abrupt discontinuation and what the brain itself goes through just to get through it, I have no idea if I’ll ever be what I was before ever starting it over a decade ago. Perhaps I should not have allowed anyone to put me back on it for nerve damage/depression after I was off it for nearly 6 months in 2016. Cymbalta is a Selective Serotonin Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitor.

https://www.drugs.com/cymbalta.html

http://www.fda.gov/Safety/MedWatch/SafetyInformation/SafetyAlertsforHumanMedicalProducts/ucm150748.htm

When we consider that the chemicals in our brains are altered by the use of these medications, common sense dictates an effect, adverse or otherwise, when removing them from our bodies. The natural chemicals have to work again, or not. It’s not so simple, but it’s understood.

My husband has been in failing health for years. Finally, I think he’s taken to heart the importance of what he can do for himself with or without myself to prevent further illness and even restore that which has already declined.

Sometimes it’s takes doing something profound to make a profound difference. ~Twinkle EKV

Don’t worry my friends it may seem like something is wrong but on the contrary everything is quite right or where it should be right now.

I promised my kids that if I ever felt like going where I had before, I’d do one thing. I did. I kept that promise and they kept theirs. That’s reestablishing trust and commitment.

I’m a little too smart, and a little too dumb to let an opportunity to help someone else pass us by. That’s okay because I love being both.

If I stopped talking about it all the purpose in the purpose itself would fade. That would mean that there would be no impact to make to show people they can physically heal, and when they heal, those emotions can also.

Somebody asked me if I still have a job..

Yes I do,

Until I don’t.

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Image Source: Manifestation Divine

Traveling in a Storm

Wow! It’s pretty crazy outside. Flooding expected in several areas.

Evacuations begin as Northern California storm moves in

http://www.sacbee.com/news/weather/article125210414.html

My you know is on fire and some of its corresponding parts. Not that one, the other one. lol

I’ve only slept a few hours off and on. I suppose I can be a zombie. Zombie’s aren’t that bad. Mostly only when they bite! 😛

Will be at the airport around noontime. I really have no idea about checking in, boarding, etc. Have always had someone with me for all that. I know what I’m suppose to do and that’s about it. Hm, well if I can’t figure something out, I’ll just flash a smile at someone and get a wee flirt on so that I can get the answers I need to find out what to do next. Ha!

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I hope my flight isn’t delayed as a result this storm. I’m taking a jump charger in case I drain my Kindle reading or clicking a game.

I’ll be missing our grandson’s first band recital on Wednesday, but I didn’t know until night before last it was even coming up. Glad they’ll be video taping it for me.

My reduction of Cymbalta is going well. Though I still have the 0 to get to. 3o mgs currently. Still thinking about whether I’ll do that 0 while away or wait until I get back home. Valerian is still helping.

I have my phone set to several alarms in case I doze from sleep disorders. I’m not taking my ASV machine or my SCS charger. I still haven’t turned that back on since October 24th I think it was.

Love my hair cut. It’s weird not being down my back though. Feels like something is missing. Oh wait! There is. 🙂 It was nice that I didn’t strangle myself with it in my sleep. It would get caught in car doors, under my arms, around my neck, in hands. The man can’t get a real good ravel on anymore, but there’s still enough for a good tug. ~laughs

I’ll give our lady who cut it a shout out next time. It’s her shop here in South Sacramento.

I’m most likely going get fondled going through security. I always do.That box in my butt cheek, those leads and all those electrodes in my body and all. Not using any assistive devices. I really need to do this on my own. Worse scenario is I don’t get up tomorrow because I played myself. 😀

Doubt I’ll get much blogging done in the next couple of weeks. Finger picking or using a stylus on my Kindle would take forever. I might put Periscope back on my phone and share a little of my new adventure. I’m not sure yet since I’d have to re-get the app for that.

I told my dog Independence I was leaving. He’s sort of pissed and won’t talk to me now. ~rme’s

It’s fun having fun. I kinda crack myself up.

I should have slept another hour or so and it’s time to get up now. oopsie doodle.

First stop Las Vegas

and then…

 

Learning and Healing

At this time day after tomorrow I’ll have already changed flights to be on my way to my destination. I’m excited to learn and heal even more. This will be the first time since I was 17 that I’ve flown alone. I’ve been on flights since but never without my husband or children. The last Amtrak I was on derailed outside of Fresno California on the way to Corcoran. Initially that trip would have only been Ozra and I. Husband and Kharisma came at the last minute, Rikki was already in Corcoran with my mom and dad. We only sustained cuts and bruises. I can still remember grabbing for my baby as he tumbled and pushing Kharisma into my husband so he could hold onto her. I was the one injured the most but that was a result of my own actions to be sure the 3 of them would be okay. I never feared pain back then. Perhaps because it was acute pain or injury. I think that was mid 1997. My mom and dad were married in 1998 and this was before that. Ozra and I had taken the train several times from Sacramento to Corcoran. I haven’t been on a train since and within 3 years we’d lose our home and everything we worked for in the prior years to a fire, I’d be injured at work and not give birth to our last child due my own body during physical rehab and the medical mistakes and manipulation that followed.

I’m not afraid to fly. I love flying. ~laughs

Ironically the day I leave California, January 8th (2002) is the anniversary of that loss nearly 12 months after that injury that led to CRPS. Maybe I can finally let it go. Maybe.

I didn’t realize until later what the manipulation was all about and that’s why it’s stayed with me. And that’s why I always believed even when my faith was dangling that I wouldn’t hurt hard forever but I’d have to suffer to get there.

I want to help people feel better and find joy and laughter again. I want to be apart of showing others that there is an option for pain relief in MLT and the Gohl Program and I want to be apart of it in person, not solely online. I don’t want to live online. The internet does give a modicum of life back to people who are otherwise unable to have one. I know because I’ve been one of them. The internet also removes in person interaction and that’s why so many of us become isolated and develop social anxiety disorders. I still can’t drive but there may even be possibility in that again.

I have a lot of work to do to reverse 16 years of physical and emotional deterioration. I also know hard isn’t over yet, but it’s the beginning of living something I really don’t know to feel without pain. I’ve used pain as pain relief, a distraction. Pain diverts pain after all.

Looking forward

learning-priorities-development-image-source-pj-mcclure

Image Source: PJ McClure

 

New Years Eve

My family spent the evening together. It was a last minute, unplanned, lets go out for a bit. Mama’s idea! We had no plans other than to grandson sit if our daughter had any. Ozra didn’t have any evening plans, and Erika a.k.a Erykah had an event to work at 10:00 p.m. I haven’t been out for New Years Eve or New Years Day for many years beyond our children’s home and most years I just slept midnight away. I didn’t want to leave our 10 year old grandson behind and while I might like to party, I don’t. I chose a spot where De’Mantai Xayvier could enjoy the night with us. And that’s what we did. Erik (Massah), Kharisma Anna Magdalena (Maggie), Erykah (Rikki) (and Dan), Ozra (Kurtis) and Austin.

twinklev-and-demantai-xayvier-howard-new-years-eve

Nana and Grandson

Hard to keep up on our names? I know. Kharisma was named after me. Odd right? When I was growing up everyone told me I had a lot of charisma and I was always being told how charismatic I was. I named her for that. And gave her the K. I’ve always liked the unique side of people, places and things, so a C wouldn’t work. I was still a teenager when she was born. I was 18 when I conceived her and she was born when I was 19. Initially our second daughter was to be named Destynee, but I named her after her daddy instead. Erik –> Erika. Our son was to be Atreyu (Son of All) but I named him after his Dad and great great grandfather. Erik Kurtis –> Kurtis Ozra (Ozie). I gave the name Atreyu to another, later. De’Mantai is known as ‘Tai. And then me, I’m called Twink by my family and close friends, but my toddler childhood nickname that I’m still called often and publicly is Ooie. Pronounced 00 ee. oo-ee baby! Then there’s Twinks, Twinkles, and a few others.

So we gathered together for a bit and was home fairly early by 10:00 p.m. Earlier in the day we went home so I could grab that Cymbalta. Being off it was too much! At first I wanted to call it quits since I hadn’t taken it at all in 2 days because I had forgotten to bring it. I’m like, I got this! Well I didn’t. That crap is the devil. At first I only took the 30 mg, but it didn’t stop the feeling of jumping in and out of myself. It’s a hard experience. So about an hour later I took the other 30 and within 2 hours I was feeling better. So today I continued on the 60 and tomorrow I’ll go back to the 30 and hope for the best. I think about 10 days or so to be off it again. My cold is getting better, still have it, but not like it was. Phew! My shoulder is off and on again. Much better than just on.

Going back home this evening after an extended stay at our kids this week. Stayed a little longer because I wanted to minimize becoming sicker for longer when I have things to get ready for. Plus the toilet is torn apart in our bathroom, pulled the entire toilet from the ground and still needed more parts to try to fix the issue. Have those parts now so the man can work on it when we get home. Other repairs and replacements should only take a couple of months. Yay! Once that’s done, I’ll explain and share how other seemingly “impossible’s” are possible.

And with that, you might understand more clearly the last 3 years.

You’ll either be surprised, disturbed or dumbfounded.

 

In any event,

You might finally get it in it’s entirety. No matter how much I’ve told, left open to interpretation or slipped up on, I’ve never laid it all out for what it’s been.

 

In this New Year, I will.

Happy 2017

twinklev-rsdcrpsfire-new-years-eve-resized

#StrongerThanPain

 

 

 

 

 

Video Diary | YouTube

I started a video diary of sorts last night. Looking into learning voice recognition software, too. Takes a lot out of me to type. My lower body is doing amazing. My range of motion is incredible. I never held back on that. If a doctor said raise your arm, I just did. Squeeze their fingers, I just did. I didn’t show weakness like that even if I was screaming in my head.

Injuries in the same time period as I’ve been healing? Several. How can someone heal and be hurt at the same time? My perception of them isn’t the same as it was before. I’m not sure yet if it’s because I’m trying to learn my body as mine, or if I’m still disconnecting it as being separate from myself. In any event these injuries and pain that ensues from injuries or trauma hasn’t stopped me from my daily routines of strengthening. So what happened to my hands? I got in a dog fight. Ha! My left hand was bit, photo is 3 or 4 days after. My right hand, I’m not sure. Either mirroring left side, or from nerve root issues from my spine. Maybe. My foot is almost always banged up, but no additional swelling really. It’s actually doing really well considering. Without having had MLT, I highly doubt I’d be handling any of this. In fact, I’m fairly certain that I wouldn’t have accomplished over half of it. I do know that I had already been trying since summer time to strengthen my bilateral CRPS because my upper body had become so bad. Unrelenting on my right side without any assistance in health care at all.

twinkle-v-rsdcrpsfire-right-hand-right-foot-december-18-2016

December 18, 2016. Right hand, right foot.

twinkle-v-rsdcrpsfire-left-hand-december-18-2016

December 18, 2016. Left hand.

I’m going to stick with holistic, or old ways of reducing pain. Healing and progress in body, mind and spirit and I want to learn from the people who practice it, use it, and I want to be someone who can utilize ancient healing, natural remedies, herbs etc instead of what’s just chaos in western medicine.

Still learning YouTube, uploading. Spend a lot of time reading books or articles on my Kindle. I try to get on Twitter to peek about a couple of times a day, and now I’ll share videos as able, but otherwise not too much else related to online.

Pain, passion, purpose, poetry, politics, philosophy and progress is all that’ll be covered in those video diary shares. Mood dependent of course. 🙂  #StrongerThanPain

Each day I find a little more peace in all of it. Maybe one day I can simply be peaceful.

Maybe.

Up Above The World So High

I’m beginning to find interest again in all the things I missed out on or failed to even recognize anymore because of pain, weakness and depression. Yesterday I gazed at the slowly moving clouds in the sky all day. Imagining the heavens above and the cosmos as being the same. Wishing I could fall into them like I do with all the feather and down pillows that surround me when I lay down to rest or sleep. I want to play in those clouds and bask in those feathery plush particles above the earths surface.

clouds-sacramento-december-16-2016-image-source-twinkle-vanfleet

Clouds- Sacramento, California. December 16, 16.

 

I had believed for so long that my only worth was in the pain communities and legislative matters that affect people in pain. I haven’t disregarded that belief. It’s all part of my story, my journey, but now I’m realizing that I am worthy of more than just pain.

Pain and pleasure.


Quoted from Twitter @rsdcrpsfire December 15, 2016

“I understand now. You don’t know me because all you met was pain. Makes sense because you never met the person without it.”

“I wish you knew no pain. We’d have never met w/out it & bc of that… I’m grateful that I had to hurt too much to be a part of any of you.”


I’ll never be without ailments of one sort or other, too many, but I can be without most of them despite it all.

I want to wake up to new days now and try again even when I go to sleep hurting from accomplishing things I haven’t done in years. The things I do daily to promote strength and healing. Even when the bouts of MDD and SAD have me sliding a little.

I don’t want to be a person only known for pain because I’m not pain.

I’m  me.

You might even love this person with less pain, little pain, no pain, in remission, more than you ever loved the person who only felt pain and was destroyed over it.

You might.

That person, whoever she was, was the one on TV, in posters, in the news, published in hard print, audio online, etc and so forth. She’s the one who was a publisher, high management, who was always upbeat, playful, funny, and high spirited even in crisis way back when in order to relieve pain from others. And she did.

Every new day is getting closer to that someday that wasn’t going to be possible again in this lifetime.

Now it is.