Triple Wide Down

Consider this a mix of humor, seriousness and heart.

Okay, so my butt has been a total breaking down triple wide since I was in my early 30’s and after CRPS. For those of you who need some visual that means my health related issues gifted me a triple wide ass and one that I should have never accepted. Deteriorating as a result of everything I didn’t do for it! You know like “I gotta big butt and I cannot lie?” I’m thrilled to report that it’s a double wide now.  😛

Goals

Make my double wide even better. (I’ll show you when my mood tells me to. Lol)

Try not to build so much muscle that people who try to do me dirty don’t become my bitch! (Word porn: Perception and interpretation. I’ll never tell)

Try not to do things with the shake weight that other people find offending. (Focus on the ones who love it. :))

serenity-prayer

Stronger Than Pain

 

 

 

 

Facebook Messenger

I’m not all that tech savvy as far as Facebook goes. Especially with Facebook and Facebook Messenger having the ability to be 2 separate programs. On my Kindle I have the messenger app with the chat heads. On my laptop I only ever used the messenger from the main Facebook page itself. On my phone, I never used the messenger app.

Ever since deactivating my Facebook account again, I’ve received a few notifications from messenger on my Kindle. I haven’t tried clicking them open, but I can see the first few words of each message without doing so. I’ve verified that my account is inactive.

I’m hesitant to click on them because I don’t know if it will reactivate my account.

If anyone has any tips or information regarding messenger working as an individual communications platform with Facebook connections, please let me know.

download - logo facebook messenger - icons8

I’m not ready to turn my account back on. I can’t even believe it’s been 10 days since not using it again. Time flies.

Staying in touch with people I currently have no access to otherwise would be nice. I don’t sync my contacts to other programs so I do lose everyone when I take my breaks.

Thank you for any information that you may offer.

Movement

I love being outside. It’s really peaceful. I did an hour and a half of water workouts. I don’t know yet if calling them workouts is fair. It might seem misleading. All I know is they are workouts to me and I’m going to be really sore tomorrow.

I woke early this morning, prepped dinner, and got a few other things done by the break of dawn. I had slept in late a couple of days in a row and needed to stop that before it became easier to do again.

I was breathing in the late morning air when I started thinking about summer time being over and it being colder outside. I thought that would be the perfect time to use my treadmill. I haven’t quite made it that far yet. I know the weightless water activity is helping more and more each day because movement itself isn’t as difficult. Not in the water that is. There is some difficulty at times not knowing if I should back off a little or continue pushing my threshold. Sometimes I think I’m suppose to be sore because it means I’m succeeding. I remind myself that I haven’t been in horrible pain for months as a result of movement and that I’m doing fairly well not being on pain medication or anti-depressants and that my determination to help myself exceeds any worrisome downfall physically or emotionally that hasn’t come back since my full on self maintenance began.

I love laughing, smiling, being playful, and funny. I dislike having not lost a single pound. Ha! Let me try to give myself some positive affirmations. But you did go down the pant sizes and you have increased muscle. Phew! I’m glad I did that. ~laughs

Anyway, I’m stuck on a series. I started Wentworth and then I started Orange Is The New Black. They both bored me and then Wentworth won for now. I’ve heard so much about Orange Is The New Black that I gave it a go. The first episode didn’t make me feel tingly inside with entertainment.

I’m heading back outside for another hour and then I’m going to be a little lazy and splurge on a couple of episodes before making dinner.

Tomorrow’s going to be a hotter one.

Sunshine

 

 

 

Courses of Study

 

I’ll be starting a couple of courses soon in subjects of interest and which will be useful in any career or advocacy goals. I’m looking forward to learning more and I’m hopeful that I can pass the finals to receive the certification’s.

It’s an opportunity for continued education while deciding if Vocational Rehab can even begin this year.

I’m still reading Anatomy and Physiology books and I’m just beginning Section 5: The Musculoskeletal System in one of them. I’m really excited about that section. I’m still relearning Spanish.

I suppose the most important part of it all is that however slow at it I am right now, I’m gaining and regaining knowledge in diverse subject matter and that’s enlightening.

images - education

Exhausted

It’s been a fairly active last couple of weeks. Active for me as I still don’t get out on any kind of daily basis and doing so even a couple of times a week wipes me out. I try to get out as much as I can in order to increase my ability to do so. I do have an appointment with my pulmonary sleep specialist next month to consider changing my sleep disorders medication. I do still use that one. My newer dream machine is helping for the apnea’s again but not in a way that lets me wake up feeling awake and refreshed. They always told me that the machine should provide that. I can see how it’s suppose to as if it assists us to breathe at night then a better quality of sleep should be restored which would mean not as tired. Makes sense. I just don’t feel refreshed in any way. I take the Nuvigil. Actually the generic Armodafinil since it’s now available in that form. The older medication Adderall is what I’m hoping he’ll switch me to even if only for a trial period to test for positive or negative reactions. Nuvigil vs Adderall, The only draw back for me might be an inability to sleep instead because it’s stimulant properties are different from Nuvigil. Nuvigil I can fall asleep on no problem. In other words it doesn’t make me unable to sleep at night. It’s a stimulant but not an amphetamine.  It’s fairly short acting and there isn’t any withdrawal when not having it. 2 months ago I was out of it for an entire month and dozed or slept more than anything else.

I’m still working through all the extra issues that complied on me. Fixing each of them the best that I can. If I have no energy and I’m dragging or just want to sleep it’s harder to do my stretches and routines and if I don’t do those my physical self would continue to deteriorate and I can’t let that happen. Right now my limbs are usable, weak, but stable. I have built up a lot of muscle and returned atrophic areas into less waste yet I can’t seem to lose any actual weight which has to happen in order for me to weight bear and increase movement with less effort.

I’m still making more dinners and enjoying doing so, but I prep it earlier in the day in order to cook it when it’s time. In a way it seems like that’s more work when I could just do it all at the same time. It could be too that doing it that way makes me feel like I’m accomplishing more while also minimizing exerting myself all at once.

I colored my hair a week or so ago. I had so much old mixed blondes in it, the natural dark, and yes silver too (getting old ya know) that I put a dark purple on it to make it all closer to one color again. I want to refrost blonde back into it but I don’t even have the energy for that. I know my husband will help me pull the strands through the cap but my energy level is low for that too. I use to keep it all blonde, I dislike my natural very dark hair, but it’s a lot of up keep, so I just pull the streaks through it and leave the rest dark for a couple of years at a time. My mom had 2 frosting kits and sent me home with one of them.

I wanted to find local work but instead I’m reviewing vocational training so that I can attempt to do something else with my life. My memory issues are bothersome and my ability to retain knowledge is slow. In order to do VR I’d have to rely on my husband to get me to and from. I don’t think I could make it/walk it yet to the bus stop each time without having to sit on someone’s lawn or the sidewalk. I’m still working on my own ability to drive again. At one point I was referred to assistive transportation for people with disabilities but I didn’t have the guts to pursue that option even though it’s suppose to help us be more independent. There’s people out in the world that need those services more than I.

I already started laundry, need to replace bedding today, get outside, do some reading, work on my goals but I don’t think any kind of dinner is getting done today. Not unless the sunshine boosts my energy or inspires me to do so. 🙂

I already want to take a nap tomorrow

Making New Memories

I went swimming with my family yesterday. When my Grandson arrived at the Hotel I swam a lap with him. It was the first time I had ever actually swam with ‘Tai. I’ve spent hours in little pools with him over the years, but swimming wasn’t included.

Pool side conversations of past, present and future were plentiful. My mom told me of a conversation my sister had with someone, a statement regarding who would love her and care for her if my mom and dad passed from this life. My mom told her that I would. And I will. My parents are a year from their 70’s. Rosie is 15.

I told my grandson that I would be over soon to spend the day with him. I miss being with him. I need to go see my sons new place too.

What I need to do first though is see my mom again later this afternoon or evening as they’re staying another night in order to spend time with my step brother today. They’re at Church right now. They do that even when they’re away from home.

I’ve always said a prayer over food, even if it’s a silent one. My mom always says one for everyone at a table whether those people pray or not because she doesn’t want the devil sitting down to eat with her. It’s both hilarious (I mean no disrespect) and quite serious because now I can’t eat because of that most scary image implanted in my mind. I must pray differently now before taking a bite. lol Truth.

I wish you all a beautiful day.

Image Credit by Ozra September 24, 2015 Bay Area CA_1.

Image Credit by Ozra

 

 

Family and Blessings

My mom and dad arrived in Sacramento June 28th and headed to Southern California on July 1st. Today I’ll see them once more before they leave back to Quincy and then drive back to Georgia.

They came so that my dad could see his brother and make funeral arrangements for him due to inoperable end stage cancer. My dad also has cancer and my mom has a pacemaker keeping her heart beating.

They took my sister and her friend to Disneyland this last week as she had never been there before. My little sister was born my niece, but my parents have raised her since she was a baby and so I acknowledge her as my sister instead.

thankful- grateful- blessed

This visit was the first time in all my 16 years that I was able to be with them without taking naps, or laying down. Without being overwhelmed by pain or in a mindset of pain. I even swam a few laps for the first time in all those years. My arms and legs did fairly well, my lower spine ended up flaring a little afterward and that might be because of the prior week and having started more aggressive movements and stretches for my back in my little pool.

I might not be able to do the things I still have wishes for, but I know that everything I’m doing is keeping my blood flowing better throughout my extremities, and I know that each stretch is keeping my flesh circulating with less tissue restriction and edema and therefore keeping pain from reaching an uncontrollable point.

For certain my orthotics also make an incredible difference because when I don’t wear them my entire physical alignment is disturbed and I end up leaning forward just to be up after standing. Having flat feet never did me any justice.

My family will be arriving back in Sacramento in a couple of hours and then I’ll be spending the remainder of the day with them before saying G’bye for now this evening.

Heading out to my kiddie pool to get an hour in before meeting them.

Love ‘n light.