It’s been a fairly active last couple of weeks. Active for me as I still don’t get out on any kind of daily basis and doing so even a couple of times a week wipes me out. I try to get out as much as I can in order to increase my ability to do so. I do have an appointment with my pulmonary sleep specialist next month to consider changing my sleep disorders medication. I do still use that one. My newer dream machine is helping for the apnea’s again but not in a way that lets me wake up feeling awake and refreshed. They always told me that the machine should provide that. I can see how it’s suppose to as if it assists us to breathe at night then a better quality of sleep should be restored which would mean not as tired. Makes sense. I just don’t feel refreshed in any way. I take the Nuvigil. Actually the generic Armodafinil since it’s now available in that form. The older medication Adderall is what I’m hoping he’ll switch me to even if only for a trial period to test for positive or negative reactions. Nuvigil vs Adderall, The only draw back for me might be an inability to sleep instead because it’s stimulant properties are different from Nuvigil. Nuvigil I can fall asleep on no problem. In other words it doesn’t make me unable to sleep at night. It’s a stimulant but not an amphetamine.  It’s fairly short acting and there isn’t any withdrawal when not having it. 2 months ago I was out of it for an entire month and dozed or slept more than anything else.

I’m still working through all the extra issues that complied on me. Fixing each of them the best that I can. If I have no energy and I’m dragging or just want to sleep it’s harder to do my stretches and routines and if I don’t do those my physical self would continue to deteriorate and I can’t let that happen. Right now my limbs are usable, weak, but stable. I have built up a lot of muscle and returned atrophic areas into less waste yet I can’t seem to lose any actual weight which has to happen in order for me to weight bear and increase movement with less effort.

I’m still making more dinners and enjoying doing so, but I prep it earlier in the day in order to cook it when it’s time. In a way it seems like that’s more work when I could just do it all at the same time. It could be too that doing it that way makes me feel like I’m accomplishing more while also minimizing exerting myself all at once.

I colored my hair a week or so ago. I had so much old mixed blondes in it, the natural dark, and yes silver too (getting old ya know) that I put a dark purple on it to make it all closer to one color again. I want to refrost blonde back into it but I don’t even have the energy for that. I know my husband will help me pull the strands through the cap but my energy level is low for that too. I use to keep it all blonde, I dislike my natural very dark hair, but it’s a lot of up keep, so I just pull the streaks through it and leave the rest dark for a couple of years at a time. My mom had 2 frosting kits and sent me home with one of them.

I wanted to find local work but instead I’m reviewing vocational training so that I can attempt to do something else with my life. My memory issues are bothersome and my ability to retain knowledge is slow. In order to do VR I’d have to rely on my husband to get me to and from. I don’t think I could make it/walk it yet to the bus stop each time without having to sit on someone’s lawn or the sidewalk. I’m still working on my own ability to drive again. At one point I was referred to assistive transportation for people with disabilities but I didn’t have the guts to pursue that option even though it’s suppose to help us be more independent. There’s people out in the world that need those services more than I.

I already started laundry, need to replace bedding today, get outside, do some reading, work on my goals but I don’t think any kind of dinner is getting done today. Not unless the sunshine boosts my energy or inspires me to do so. 🙂