Caregivers and Substance Abuse | The Recovery Village

Being a caregiver is one of the most selfless roles anyone can fulfill. In many cases, it means putting someone else’s needs above your own, sacrificing your time and peace of mind, and finding higher levels of patience and understanding. It can create a sense of purpose, but it can also be very taxing and physically burdensome. The weight may even be extremely emotional, especially if the care involves a terminal condition and if no other person shares the load. Whether the role consists of providing care for a cancer patient or an ill, disabled or elderly person, the demands can drive many caregivers to use and abuse substances to cope.

Learn more about:

Types of Caregivers

Consequences of a Caregivers Substance Abuse

Mental Effects of Caregivers Substance Abuse

Treatments

Source: Caregivers and Substance Abuse | The Recovery Village

Advertisements

My Natural Alternatives for Pain, Depression and Anxiety.

My natural alternatives for pain, depression, anxiety, pain management, and medication management that I’ve used over the last year that has afforded me an ability to maintain physical pain levels in addition to the emotional secondary conflicts that living with intractable pain has caused.

I look forward to those of you who can provide additional natural or holistic recommendations for myself and others.

Please be advised that any information that I share is NOT medical advice and that I’m not responsible for your choice to consider or use any of the options provided. Always consult with your healthcare team or pharmacist first.

Milk Thistle

Commonly used to detox the body, especially the liver. It can also help control or prevent Diabetes, lower cholesterol and is an antiinflammatory.

Turmeric
Anti inflammatory, antioxidant, treats arthritis and pain related diseases and disorders, including age related chronic diseases. It can be effective as an antidepressant.

Chronic inflammation is known to be a contributor to many common Western diseases, syndromes, and other illnesses. Curcumin the active
ingredient in Turmeric can inhibit many molecules known to play major roles in inflammation.

Curcumin Boosts Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor, Linked to Improved Brain Function and Lower Risk of Brain Diseases. Ref: Healthline.

http://www.healthline.com/nutrition/top-10-evidence-based-health-benefits-of-turmeric

For Anxiety and Insomnia- Valerian Root

Valerian root is a common ingredient sold in dietary supplements. It claims to cure insomnia and nervous tension caused by anxiety. Valerian has been used for centuries as an herbal remedy.

It was used in ancient Greece and Rome to ease:

Insomnia
Nervousness
Trembling
Headaches
Stress

Based on the available research, take 300 to 600 milligrams (mg) of valerian root 30 minutes to two hours before bedtime. This is best for insomnia or sleep trouble. For tea, soak 2 to 3 grams of dried herbal valerian root in 1 cup of hot water for 10 to 15 minutes.

Valerian root seems to work best after taking it regularly for two or more weeks. Don’t take valerian root for more than a month without talking to your doctor.

http://www.healthline.com/health/food-nutrition/valerian-root#overview1

I use Valerian both as a hot tea and in capsule form. It’s been quite helpful as a replacement for prescribed medications.

*** If you’re on any medications, please discuss using the Valerian Root with your physician or pharmacist.
Magnesium

It’s believed that magnesium in citrate are better absorbed than sulfate forms.

 

Top 9 Health Benefits of Magnesium

Helps Increase Energy.
Calms Nerves and Anxiety.
Treats Insomnia and Helps You Fall Asleep.
Helps with Digestion by Relieving Constipation.
Relieves Muscle Aches and Spasms.
Regulates Levels of Calcium, Potassium and Sodium.
Important for Heart Health.
Prevents Migraine Headaches.

Dreams– Some people have reported lucid dreaming using it. Being a lucid dreamer already, I love this for myself.

Magnesium Sulfate also known as Epsom’s salt. https://www.everydayhealth.com/drugs/magnesium-sulfate
More info: https://draxe.com/magnesium-supplements/

I use Magnesium in both capsule form as well as drink it in the sulfate form. Yes it’s the same form that we use to soak in baths with. It helps constipation for any reason. In the capsule form it provides natural ease from depression.

Echinacea for immune system support and more. http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/252684.php

Echinacea

Vitamins B12, B1, B6, Calcium, Zinc, Vitamin C are each important also.

Chamomile, peppermint, Lavender, Rosemary, Ginger, Green teas.

Ginger, I shave, cut and steep fresh ginger for it’s anti inflammatory properties and to use for female problems, namely dysmenorrhea. It is a blood thinner too so don’t use it if taking a pharmaceutical that’s also a thinner.

Chia seeds

“Chia” means strength, and folklore has it that these cultures used the tiny black and white seeds as an energy booster. That makes sense, as chia seeds are a concentrated food containing healthy omega-3 fatty acids, carbohydrates, protein, fiber, antioxidants, and calcium.

It truly is a super food. A really good article from August 2nd 2017 can be found on http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/291334.php

I use them nearly everyday. in both food and drink.

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/291334.php

Kratom

It can be used for pain relief, depression, anxiety and a number of other ailments. It can be used as a stimulant. Each is dependent on dosing. It’s only dangerous if not used responsibly just like anything else. The only effect I’ve ever felt from it is a sense of calming which helped physical pain. I’ve drank it as a tea.

St. Johns Wort. This can cause adverse effects if taken with medications. It can be quite helpful for those who aren’t on any medications. It can interact adversely with other herbs or supplements.  Be safe.

“Some of the most impressive health benefits of St. John’s Wort include its ability to treat depression, improve mood swings, relieve anxiety, reduce the severity of premenstrual symptoms, ease addictive tendencies, regulate hormonal activity, prevent cancer, protect against viral infections, reduce inflammation, and soothe the nervous system.” Ref: Organic Facts.

https://www.organicfacts.net/health-benefits/herbs-and-spices/st-johns-wort.htm

OTC’s

Epsom salts for soaking in order to relieve aching muscles and promote relaxation. I adore the Lavender and Eucalyptus kind and have even added it to my kiddie pool this summer. It provides aromatherapy as well as physical relaxation. It promotes a happy mood. Don’t drink this type though!

Epsom’s salts gel. It’s a topical form of Epsoms and can be applied to painful areas.

Aspercreme with Lidocaine

Thermo heat wraps

Capsaicin
It’s the same ingredient found in chili peppers. It’s hot. It can be helpful for some and adverse to others. It’s actually something I’m not able to use, The heat was severe and I couldn’t even wash it off without it burning for an extended period of time.

Pre natal vitamins are a source of multivitamins in a single dose. Don’t overuse it.

I’m still not able to walk long, but I am able to stay up longer and take more steps. I haven’t been able to run yet and it’s been over 17 years that I have.
I’ve been able to restore some bad posture that was also contributing to pain levels, dysfunction and spinal deterioration. I’ve learned to breathe better by being more mindful to belly breath instead of hold my breath in pain and hyperventilate. My little kiddie pool has been great for me this summer as it has allowed me to move my limbs, bones, muscles, and spine with weightless effort. This has helped me do a little more outside of water.

I’ve restored blood restriction from movement. I’ve reduced discoloration and edema in my CRPS side. I’ve eased a lot of internal organ involvement by using my little ball (A tennis ball learned at the Gohl Program) on my belly in a circular motion minimally a few times a week. Stretching, movement.

You might be thinking how? right now. How can you? How can I? Am I better off than you are regarding pain, crps, etc? Or a need for medication management? Know how many times I’ve asked myself how can I without any? How can I do my routines? The ones that also hurt me. You may be thinking you can’t do  or use any of the above because you’re in too much pain or you simply can’t stand the taste of something. I know. I was on pain relieving medication since the injury that led to my CRPS began. Even before the diagnosis itself. Since day 1. January 26, 2001 and then I suddenly wasn’t anymore. Of course I was dependent. I’ve had the Medtronic SCS since 2006.

I’ve had many people tell me they’re on Oxycodone with secondary Hydrocodone, or an extended release with a another pain medication for breakthrough pain and how they’re still at a 10 in pain.

Imagine that 10 with opioid medication and my “any pain level” without. If you can truly imagine that for just a moment then you might understand why I didn’t want to live anymore and how I became adamant that I wouldn’t.

Food

I do cook more yet 7 days a week isn’t happening. I do make foods in batches to freeze so that my husband has something to eat. So that we both do on the days that cooking is problematic.  Homemade TV dinners.

I have a wheelchair, or should I say had. It’s on my patio ruined because I let it get rained on. I suppose in the back of my mind I still didn’t want it. I have a walker with a seat and breaks, I have it stored away, I have several cane’s, including 4 prong, I’m not using any of them. I lost my walking stick.

I love nature and being outside even if it’s only on my patio in my little pool. I’d encourage you to trade some of that internet time for nature.

When that pain, or any pain rises from any of my issues, I remind myself that I really am stronger than pain and that I survived for a purpose I had never considered before it all. A purpose that isn’t in CRPS Awareness anymore as it had been the 13 years prior. It’s not in finding a cure for something that most likely will never happen in my lifetime or yours but instead helping people live in the here and the now. Change cognitive beliefs that keep the pain state of mind active and replace those with a sense of healing, ability, and laughter. Laughter increases endorphins and endorphins reduce pain if even for only moments at a time.

It’s in raising your well being and supporting your progress instead of glorifying pain.

Moderate to severe physical pain will affect your emotions, your mind and it causes depression and overwhelming feelings of loss whether that be
a career, livelihood, the friends we once had, or who we were before we became chronic or intractable. It’s a constant cycle of stress and a vicious and a continuous 360 of remaining there. Fight or Flight is the stress response. The way you handle that stress response plays a main role in the ability to cope with physical pain. It’s been said for decades that RSD affects the sympathetic nervous system, the
sympathetic nervous is 1 half of the autonomic nervous system, the other part being the para sympathetic nervous system. The autonomic nervous system resides within the Central Nervous System. No wonder RSD is so out of hand. The Sympathetic nervous system is most commonly known as fight or flight. And more recently, fight, flight or freeze. If we’re in a constant state of stress, distress, our bodies regardless of injury or diagnosis won’t heal either. It can’t.

Understanding the stress response

Chronic activation of this survival mechanism impairs health

The news has reported from several media outlets that addiction and overdose deaths affects families and how those poor families are hurting because of the devastating impact it causes. Fair enough! Will they ever report how chronic pain affects families the same way? Or how our families suffer right along with us? I doubt it. Pain of any kind hurts families not just the pain of overdose that has little to do with any pain patient and everything to do with a choice. Even if the choice was made without the ability to understand the consequences. My choice to die and their choice to take too much. Fair? Suicidal ideations is trying to reason and bargain with pain (any kind) as is anyone who throws back that extra and dies from it.

One of my favorite books is Anatomy and Physiology Made Easy. A Concise Learning Guide To Master The Fundamentals by Dr. Phillip Vaughn. I have the Kindle Version. Available on Amazon. It’s an easy read. The other Anatomy and Physiology book I’m reading is a bit more complicated and more in depth. I would recommend the above title as a starting point for anyone without or without pain,  and as an informative tool regarding the human body, and as a stepping stone in order to understand possibility where possible is seemingly over.

So much can be done with a Yoga ball even from a bed.

(Initially this would have been either a Facebook Live or Periscope Live to share with you. When I’m able, I’ll still do a presentation and also demonstrate some of the techniques I use. IE: balls, dog toys, stretching, etc)

I’ve most likely left out other things I’ve done for myself.

Until next time. x

 

 

 

Undeniable Breakthrough

I haven’t written for a minute because I’ve been struggling to maintain a sense of worth and ability while at the same time coming out of the closest remission I’ve ever had. I’ve learned to survive without medication management for pain, yet there are times I wish I had even a 10 count as needed a month of Hydrocodone or Tramadol because it’s hard. I’ve learned and used every natural way I know to help myself.

I know that no physician ever pushed opioids on me and I don’t believe that even though I was dismissed and abandoned that it was personal. I understand they were under stress during that same period of time which just happened to be my worse time.

I never used the 10 on the pain scale in all my years of CRPS or the dozen other pain and non pain related disorders. I reserved that number. When I did use it, when it was 10 it didn’t do me any good because I suppose it’s so overused even the medical community thinks it’s a joke if we do.

The joke was on me.

Overwhelming - Breakthrough

I spent the summer in a little kiddie pool in order to do weightless movement that I wasn’t physically strong enough for outside of water. It really helped a lot. I’ve had a treadmill for about 10 years, an old model and still in working order. I’ve had a stationary bike for approximately 10 years, the ab slider my son sent over a few months back, my yoga ball while about 4-5 years old I only started using recently.

It’s just the treadmill and yoga ball I’m using now along with some stretches, mindful about posture, I learned with having MLT.

I could suck it up and have the spinal surgery, or I can suck it up and continue to do all I can for me still without any of that. It’s been a great stress reliever to not be having monthly PMD appointments, to not worry about whether or not medications will be delayed or denied, to not wait for a lumbar or cervical pain block, to not have to rely on someone or something for relief.

I’ve managed also to better regulate my high blood pressure often 180/+ to restore internal involvement, level off drastic inflammation and swelling for the most part. Today is a swollen day, symptoms extra present, dreading getting on the treadmill, but I have to even if for only 20 seconds. I’ve not made it beyond a minute even on better days.

I use the chia seeds for their anti inflammatory, anti oxidant, fiber, and other qualities. My allotment of vitamins have ran extremely low, so I’m out of some, and have a bit of others left. The combination was helping me maintain better. I feel like ka ka right now and so I know they provided a benefit. Since it’s expensive to buy so many different kinds I’ll be replacing it with Prenatal vitamins this upcoming week. The prenatal (nope, not pregnant) provides many supplements in one for a single price. That’s my best option until I can replace my others. I use fresh ginger as well.

The chia seeds I use as a sprinkle on foods and in water, coffee. In liquid the seed becomes a gel.

Later I’ll be doing either Facebook or Periscope live to share these natural ways of helping ourselves. Especially for those whose pain relief analgesics have been reduced or stopped and for those interested either way.

Do things happen for a reason? Or are they random? I’d like to believe it’s all been for a reason and that reason being instead of advocating and raising awareness solely for cures and information about an illness to instead raise it for HRQoL, suicide prevention and our mental health that will always go with it.

That’s the purpose of Stronger Than Pain.  Helping people live not just share with them all the reasons they never will again but rather all the reasons they can, must, and have to.

Through it all came an undeniable breakthrough.

 

People with Disabilities – Crossroads Diversified

Helping to Give Individuals a Sense of PurposeThough we have evolved now provide employment services to all job seekers wanting to get back to work, one main focus still remains serving people with disabilities. We recognize that a steady job not only gives individuals a sense of purpose, but for people with disabilities, it also often plays an important role in helping to maintain good mental health and a sense of normality. In addition, the unemployment rate for persons with a disability was 15.0 percent in 2011, well above the figure of 8.7 percent for those with no disability. (Source: U.S. Dept of Labor Statistics) This disproportionately high rate of unemployment contributes greatly to the national cost of individual entitlements in the form of disability benefits and unemployment payments.Crossroads provides a full-range of vocational rehabilitation, supported employment and job placement services for people with disabilities.  Through individualized services, our clients are able to successfully secure and maintain employment. Many of Crossroads’ facility services employees began first as Crossroads clients – struggling with a disability but yet having that desire to work and become more self-sufficient. With Crossroads’ help, they became employees of the organization; some have been with us for more than 30 years!The categories of services which we provide our clients with disabilities include:Create a PlanPrepare for WorkFind Your Job and Stay EmployedCreate a PlanEvery individual’s path in life is different – whether you are meant for a job in front of a computer or behind a lawn mower – having a sound plan is the first step towards success. At Crossroads, we will first conduct a vocational assessment with you – the first step to help you create a plan based on your interest, your skills, and your strengths. We will also consider any barriers you may have to finding a job, and help you outline the steps necessary to achieve your goals.If you are ready to create a job search plan, call Crossroads at (916) 457-1900 or email us at ces@crossroadsdiversified.com.Prepare for WorkWhether you are looking for a job for the very first time or want to retrain to make yourself more marketable in an increasingly competitive job market, Crossroads can help you prepare for this next step. Depending on your level of experience, your ability and capacity to work, you may need a variety of services so that you are best positioned for a successful job search. Crossroads can provide these services.From fundamental skills like filling out a job application and answering standard interview questions to acquiring specific technical skills like vocational training, Crossroads can provide comprehensive supportive services that individuals need to entering or re-entering the labor force.Services that Crossroads can provide to people with disabilities include:Filling out an applicationSoft skills trainingResume writingInterview prepJob retention strategiesIf you want to figure out what you need to be prepared for your first or your next job, call Crossroads at (916) 457-1900 or email us at ces@crossroadsdiversified.com.Find Your Job and Stay EmployedOnline job postings, word of mouth, “help wanted” signs on the windows of local retailers…there are so many different ways to find job opportunities. But how do you find the one that is right for you? For people with disabilities or other barriers, this task can be especially daunting.At Crossroads, we have nearly 35 years of experience in helping job seekers with special needs find appropriate employment. We seek and build relationships with local businesses that share our philosophy that hiring people with disabilities not only enriches our community, but also contributes to their bottom line.Crossroads has helped place quality job seekers with businesses like Safeway, Subway, Home Depot, JimBoys Tacos and other small and large local businesses. Depending on your needs and your eligibility, Crossroads may be able to provide additional services that will help you stay employed once you find your job, such as follow-along services to help coordinate employer accommodations. You may also qualify for transportation assistance, in which case Crossroads can provide public transportation vouchers.If you want to know if you qualify for job placement and ongoing support services, call Crossroads at (916) 457-1900 or email us at ces@crossroadsdiversified.com.Crossroads also a proud partner of Ticket to Work – an employment program for people with disabilities who are interested in going to work. The Ticket Program is part of the Ticket-to-Work and Work Incentives Improvement Act of 1999–legislation designed to remove many of the barriers that previously influenced people’s decisions about going to work because of the concerns over losing health care coverage. The goal of the Ticket Program is to increase opportunities and choices for Social Security disability beneficiaries to obtain

Source: People with Disabilities – Crossroads Diversified

Introducing Stronger Than Pain as an upcoming NPO for Suicide Prevention and Relief

On June 7th 2017, my son announced that together we’ve began the process of becoming a non profit organization. Our mission is suicide prevention and relief, techniques, support and services with mental health awareness at the heart of our reasoning.


After a considerable amount of discussion, I have opted to begin the process of starting a 501(C)(3) Non-Profit Organization with the help of my mother Twinkle Our mission will be suicide prevention and relief along with mental health awareness. We have begun the process of filing paperwork with state and federal. We lose over 40,000 people a year from suicide, over 5,000 of those are Veterans, over 250 are First Responders, and our goal is to help lower that number. Please like our Facebook page StrongerThanPain as we are currently working on building our website. Please email Info@StrongerThanPain.Org for any inquires.


While I chose not to form an NPO for chronic pain and RSD/CRPS over the years because I appreciated being apart of others as a volunteer, I’ve opted to do so with my son.

“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Mental health is at the core of every physical ailment and physical decline, illness and disability becomes a hardship to mental stability.

Suicidal ideations, attempted suicide and suicides themselves affect our soldiers, first responders, physicians, chronic pain patients, at risk youth, LGBT-Q, all of us.

We want to help you believe that who you are is enough, what you do is enough, we want you to know that you’re loved and appreciated and we want to help you either stay or become stronger than pain.

We want to assist you in healing your body, mind and spirit. We want to help you overcome not just emotions but obstacles too.

As we build our brand and develop our website, we’d like to invite you to like Stronger Than Pain on Facebook.

Follow us on Twitter

Or Email with any inquiries, suggestions or for interest in joining us at: info@strongerthanpain.org

Every donation counts toward helping us help you, every like is worth just as much.

http://strongerthanpain.org/donatenow/

We’re proceeding through the proper steps and our initial paper work is currently being processed for filing with state and federal agencies to obtain our status.

While our website is currently under construction and we’ve only just begun we want you know that we have.

Stronger Than Pain Logo

MLT Revolution – Gohl Program

Why Ligaments? Ligaments, there are over 900 in the body, are very sensitive to all kinds of movement and stresses such as environmental (Gravity), physical, and emotional. In some research studies, ligaments have been shown to have many times more sensitivity than our skin!With this sensitivity, ligaments are able to coordinate all the contractions and de-contractions necessary to provide us with the movements of our body and its systems. When they are stressed through injury at physical or even emotional levels, the ligaments direct our nervous system to contract areas of our bodies to protect the vital organs as well as the site of an injury.This is a great thing in the first few days but unfortunately, because ligaments have very low blood supply, they do not heal well and often remain in a state of stress thereby continuing to tell the nervous system to protect the body. And this is where the not so good things start to compound and our bodies begin to suffer pain, spasm, and even systemic problems as it tries to find balance under stress.Getting to the sourceMLT directly interacts with ligaments in a very gentle and non-invasive way. Using very light finger pressure on certain ligaments throughout the body, MLT is able to correct the cycle of stress and contraction-inducing signals the ligaments are sending to the nervous system. The effect only takes just a few seconds but the outcome can be dramatic. This is because instead of focusing on the muscles which are only doing what the ligaments are influencing, MLT focuses on the source of what the problem was to begin with, the sensitive and influential nature of the ligaments.

MLT Founder

Arik Warren Gohl has been a clinical manual therapist since 1999. In the years since graduating, he has developed numerous clinical practices and curriculums for Physical Therapists, Massage Therapists, and Chiropractors.

In the past 12 years, Arik has become well known for creating a new type of treatment called Manual Ligament Therapy (MLT) and has been endorsed by some of the most respected researchers and doctors in the world, including Dr. Moshe Solomonow PhD and Dr. Edward Glaser, owner of Sole Supports orthotics.

In his time as a therapist, Arik has continued to seek new and more effective ways to treat difficult conditions with an advanced combination of modalities including dynamic stretching, movement re-education, and manual therapies. The end result is his protocols are able to resolve both simple and difficult conditions in a fraction of the time it would normally take in conventional physical rehabilitation.

For this, he has an international reputation as a sought out clinician for those suffering all levels of symptoms, as well as being respected as an educator of advanced subject matter such as neuro-ligament sciences.

Currently Arik owns a Physical Therapy clinic in Guadalajara, Mexico which has become the “go-to” clinic for patients of all varieties as well as some of the best athletes in the country. In addition, Arik has recently teamed up with Dr. Edward Glaser of Sole Supports orthotics to focus on the treatment of the debilitating condition known as Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Syndrome (RSDS) with the goal of providing a non-invasive, non-surgical resolution for the disorder.

View Original Source: MLT Revolution – Gohl Program

Fine Lines

There can be such fine lines between doing and not doing, trying and not trying enough, managing time and wasting it, finding balance and not balancing at all.

I’ve driven now twice since not having drove but a handful of times in 17 years. While both times were only a few blocks away it is a starting point. Next time I’ll turn left and go down farther to the shopping center about a mile from home. Most likely repeating that quite a few times before trying further.

I’ve hit a few lows in wondering if all this is just too good to be true. This is because in order to maintain pain relief from the original CRPS Type 2 diagnosis and the several secondaries along the way, I have to do physical routines daily in order to keep it from ever being what it had become. These routines can cause their own pain because of the lack of activity and movement as a result of the injuries and illnesses that either initially or had eventually overcame me. Many of those things that I did to comfort myself from reaching the edge were some of the same things that were to my own detriment. Hanging my legs off the bed in order to try to sleep because my feet and legs were either too swollen, allodynia, hyperalgesia, burning etc. Using pillows, several, in order to prop myself into positions to ease pain, but at the same time it taught my body to develop even more damage.

Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better. ~Samuel Beckett

We aren’t taught how to be able to care for ourselves in simple manners that are the greatest of all. We’re told go exercise, lose weight, quit smoking (if you do) and that’s about it anymore. Great advice, but it’s only advice. There isn’t any teaching in it and people leave still wondering how, how in all of it. If you have chronic pain of any type it’s because something in you, illness or injury has lasted beyond 3 months (used to be 6 months for that classification).

Some people do get the pain medications, the opioid management, pain management, lumbar or cervical block injections, procedures etc. Yet none of these get people healthier again. None of them teach living with pain. They either disguise pain awhile, fail, or side track a person from learning how to themselves. Other medications such as SSNRI’s and Anti Seizures such as Cymbalta and Neurontin are over prescribe, handed out like candy and more adverse than the opioid itself. I promise you that. Opioids taken responsibly is less a problem than the lifetime problem that stays with you long after getting off those other types. We may have natural opioid receptors in our brains, but our brains (and minds) aren’t meant to be altered to the point future damage.

I’m not anti opioid.  I’m anti leave someone where they are when there are other options in relief that aren’t suggested or believed in by mainstream western medicine. I believe in CAM or Complimentary and Alternative Medicine. I believe in the Gohl Program. I believe in Integrative Pain Medicine.

Yet these services are rarely offered, or are not covered by insurance. I myself was denied for Acupuncture my second year into all this. (2003). I could have been cured, or in remission right away, but instead we keep people bouncing the healthcare systems, costing billions, left disabled, unable to contribute to society, getting sicker when we have the capability to get people back into their lives. If we do, even more billions are lost in profits, revenues and work for the working class. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t and that’s the world we live in. If it’s not about me it’s about you. Will it ever be about us? I already know the answer to that.

I’m glad that The Academy of Integrative Pain Management previously The American Academy of Pain Management has merged the concept of healing by both standards of care. I’m thrilled to have been a State Pain Policy Advocacy Network Leader (SPPAN) which is a project of of the AIPM/AAPM for several years. I’m happy to have been former California Ambassador, Executive Board Member, Advocacy Director and Healthcare advisor for the International Pain Foundation 2011-November 2016. I’m happy to still be a Medtronic Patient Ambassador. I’m glad to have represented iPain as a member of the Opioid Prescribing Taskforce via the Medical Board of California and for being 1 of perhaps 3 patient advocates who were apart of the Revised Standard Guidelines for Prescribing Controlled Substances For Pain. I’m happy that I attended with and testified on behalf of pain patients with the California Medical Association (DeSaulnier)

I’m not happy that I fell hard in the midst of the CDC Guideline for Prescribing Opioids for Chronic Pain — United States, 2016 as they were being implemented, recommended and circulated. The Guidelines for Prescribing Opioids for Chronic Pain CDC. I’m blessed to be part of the public record, written and on the last call pertaining to the Guidelines. The call that determined whether or not to enact the recommendation. Which had been determined before the call had ended in case you didn’t know.

Instead of saving lives and allowing physician’s to care for their patients under their own oath it instilled fear in providers to prescribe or even address pain at all. I do not care that the Guideline’s were meant for primary care doctors because it caused fear for all doctors including pain management specialists.

I have to be a responsible patient, yes? I have to be in compliance, yes? Yet there is little to no responsibility or consequences for non compliance in others or those who believe they are above anyone else. Everybody’s pain day will come, if even by old age alone.

I’ve lost my reputation online, but offline my words are different. I’m different. This doesn’t mean I’m a different person it means that perceived perception, written content and context is taken as you will. Believed or Imagined. Generally just a fantasy in your own minds.

I’m diverse.

Online I no longer care. I’m both polite, knowledgeable, caring and I’m blunt, potty mouthed and adverse. Yesterday was the 1 year anniversary to the second time I attempted suicide as a result of pain and errors and not just my fear in it all, but the fear in overdose, the fear to prescribe, the fear to keep your medical licenses, the fear of the DEA, the fear of scrutiny, the fear to take care of your own families and I actually understand. I actually feel your side of it. I feel you when you’ll do almost anything to maintain your reputation even if you’ll lie to do it.

When you can feel my husband of 31 years side of it, or my 3 children’s broken heart in it.

 0000746_i-love-this-crazy-life_265

Maybe I’ll care again the same way I used to. Though I hope not because I really cared too much about everyone else, what ever one else needed, or wanted. Right now it’s all about me and overcoming the challenges of living through what I can’t ever change for me in this lifetime, or what I can never take back in the option of suicide, but I can still help change it for others.

They are fine lines, after all.