The Simpler Things

My aspirations are much simpler now. They include living each day however I might in a different mindset that I had previously. If I hadn’t gone through all that I have, especially the last 3 years and definitely since February of 2016 I most likely would still be thinking as I did then and doing as I did then. I most likely wouldn’t have even found a way to go on, yet I have.

images - beach

 

I might have stayed depressed waiting and wondering why or if ever I would feel okay enough in body again. That’s heavy. Don’t we all feel that way? Or most of us?

I use to think that physicians were suppose to help us. I don’t even believe that anymore. I know sometimes people expect me to choose one side or another of something. I don’t choose like that.

Perhaps some of it , my lack of forming words or expressing myself correctly enough to others is from abrupt discontinuation of medications so many times, or the TBI’s I’ve had or my Cerebral Palsy is catching up to me a little more, or the mental break downs as a result of unmanageable physical pain. You know brain fried?

Or just believing that I’m responsible for me above anyone or anything else.

Maybe. Or maybe I do express myself well enough and it’s just perception. Some people can’t wait to be offended. I suppose it’s easy enough to just ask for clarification, but the human emotion rather feel slighted so they have something to fight for or against.

I didn’t even use to be a TV person. Not like I am now. I enjoy watching a Series. I had pretty much given up writing, 100’s of poems and lyrics over the years. I couldn’t squeeze in joy for myself. I’ve taken up painting. I can’t stroke right, or brush evenly, I don’t have enough feeling in my thumb, forefinger, and my middle of finger of that same hand locks from curving. I can barely feel one side of that arm up to my elbow. I still use that hand. I’m ambidextrous which has helped me greatly.

I enjoy making my husbands food even if it takes me all day. A couple of days ago I was cutting an onion and sliced the palm of my left hand. On Thanksgiving it did the same thing to tip of my finger. I have choices. Stop using these hands to prevent accidents or keep using them. I need to use them. My legs ache often, my CRPS type 2 is so so right now only because of the colder weather but I move my legs everyday, ankle raises, knee raises, back movement, arms. I don’t have full body CRPS, I do have full body various other diagnosis’ including both my lumbar and cervical spine.  If I didn’t stretch, my flesh would constrict against my bones and my pain would be escalated.

I was barely 33 when my life stopped as a result of CRPS. Or is that I let my life stop because of it. I’m still thinking about that.

I’m a caregiver to my husband who also isn’t well. My son is a caregiver to me as needed. He was at the hospital for me, us, during his dads last heart attack last month. He advocated for us with physicians, he stayed in front of me so I could drive the car home from the ER parking hot safely as his dad was being transported from the first hospital to another.

I’m in the process of becoming a member at the Church our son was baptized at years ago. I’m a baptized Lutheran. My goal is to be baptized again by submersion as a local yet Southern Baptist. I miss attending at times and that’s a set back for me. Or is it still progress? My Narcolepsy is worse against right now but I set the cell alarm to vibrate to wake me or keep me from the dozes. I really am learning to manage my own life.

Today I have chicken breasts in the crock pot with a buffalo sauce. It’ll be ready by the time my husband gets home from work tonight about 11:00 p.m.

Not this Saturday but the next we’re going to our local swap meet outside auction, I don’t get out much still relying on someone else to get me anywhere. Over the summer I had myself on a great schedule. Up early, in bed early, but I’ve altered my routines to his schedule. I get a nap each evening between 5:50 and 6:30 p.m. About 7 p.m I make an espresso.

I can’t be amidst pain all day long so I’ve minimized my internet time again. Feeling other people too much only sets pain into my own body.

Heck, maybe I really shouldn’t be on the internet at all. Anything that can get in the way, will. Ha! I have no working computer again and did try to restore my laptop it didn’t work. My husband tried a few days ago too. Nope. One more option and that is to buy an encasing pull the hard drive, enclose it, and go from there.

The one I speak of above hasn’t worked since summer time. I was using my really old back up one, the one that barely did anything because of such an old version of windows but… my dog rushed through the side table, tangled in the cord and to the ground it went before I could catch it from making contact.

Actually, I do have a working comp it’s just not mine, but am grateful to use it.

Is there even such a thing as bad luck? I’m not even sure about that one anymore. Randomness.

I was filling out an application the other night and the entire page went down during it. Maybe that wasn’t meant to be either yet I could change it by doing so again. Nah.

My aspiration is to live.

My crock pot is my best friend and my home made cafe mocha makes me smile.

I wish you smiles today!

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Introducing Stronger Than Pain as an upcoming NPO for Suicide Prevention and Relief

On June 7th 2017, my son announced that together we’ve began the process of becoming a non profit organization. Our mission is suicide prevention and relief, techniques, support and services with mental health awareness at the heart of our reasoning.


After a considerable amount of discussion, I have opted to begin the process of starting a 501(C)(3) Non-Profit Organization with the help of my mother Twinkle Our mission will be suicide prevention and relief along with mental health awareness. We have begun the process of filing paperwork with state and federal. We lose over 40,000 people a year from suicide, over 5,000 of those are Veterans, over 250 are First Responders, and our goal is to help lower that number. Please like our Facebook page StrongerThanPain as we are currently working on building our website. Please email Info@StrongerThanPain.Org for any inquires.


While I chose not to form an NPO for chronic pain and RSD/CRPS over the years because I appreciated being apart of others as a volunteer, I’ve opted to do so with my son.

“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Mental health is at the core of every physical ailment and physical decline, illness and disability becomes a hardship to mental stability.

Suicidal ideations, attempted suicide and suicides themselves affect our soldiers, first responders, physicians, chronic pain patients, at risk youth, LGBT-Q, all of us.

We want to help you believe that who you are is enough, what you do is enough, we want you to know that you’re loved and appreciated and we want to help you either stay or become stronger than pain.

We want to assist you in healing your body, mind and spirit. We want to help you overcome not just emotions but obstacles too.

As we build our brand and develop our website, we’d like to invite you to like Stronger Than Pain on Facebook.

Follow us on Twitter

Or Email with any inquiries, suggestions or for interest in joining us at: info@strongerthanpain.org

Every donation counts toward helping us help you, every like is worth just as much.

http://strongerthanpain.org/donatenow/

We’re proceeding through the proper steps and our initial paper work is currently being processed for filing with state and federal agencies to obtain our status.

While our website is currently under construction and we’ve only just begun we want you know that we have.

Stronger Than Pain Logo

Cymbalta: Uses, Side Effects, Warnings & Withdrawal Risk

Cymbalta is one of Eli Lilly’s top-selling drugs, used for treating depression, anxiety, and bone and muscle pain. The drug carries some serious side effects, including discontinuation syndrome with brain zaps.What is Cymbalta? Cymbalta is a popular antidepressant that helps control neurotransmitters and hormones, improving moods and alleviating pain. Eli Lilly manufactured this multi-use, billion-dollar drug, which received FDA approval for alleviating mental and physical discomfort.In 2004, the FDA also approved Cymbalta (duloxetine hydrochloride) to treat depression. Doctors soon began prescribing Cymbalta for a wide range of patients, including those with anxiety, diabetic neuropathy, muscle pain and stress urinary incontinence.In 2007, the FDA added the treatment of fibromyalgia – a type of arthritis characterized by muscle pain, trouble sleeping, and tiredness – to Cymbalta’s label.Unfortunately, patients wishing to discontinue use of the drug often suffer from side effects that impair their health, ones that can last weeks after stopping Cymbalta treatment. These withdrawal symptoms range from headaches and dizziness to suicidal ideation and blackouts.

Cymbalta and Other Antidepressants Cymbalta makes up a major share of the $11 billion-a-year antidepressant market and competes with drugs like Paxil, Lexapro and Effexor. In 2012, it accounted for 42 percent of antidepressant sales.Like Effexor, Cymbalta works as a serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor (SNRI). The SNRI drug class deals with norepinephrine and aims to improve energy levels. Similar to SSRIs,

Cymbalta also deals with serotonin levels, which can lift moods.A Top Seller for Eli Lilly Since the drug’s approval in 2004, Eli Lilly has brought in more than $29 billion. At its peak, in 2013, it had annual sales of $5 billion.High Costs for Patients The brand-name drug sells for retail prices of more than $170 a month—making the drug more expensive than many antidepressants on the market. Cymbalta Uses and Clinical Studies Over the past decade, Cymbalta indications expanded to include anxiety, diabetic neuropathy, fibromyalgia and chronic muscle pain. Internationally, the drug is also approved for treating stress urinary incontinence.FDA Approvals The FDA initially approved the drug for treating depression, and within a year approved it for diabetic neuropathy. For diabetic neuropathy, Cymbalta treats pain and tingling from nerve damage. In 2007, generalized anxiety disorder – a condition that more than 6 million Americans suffer from every year – was put on the list.Growing Popularity Within five years of the drug hitting the market, doctors prescribed 2.8 million patients

Cymbalta, according to an FDA staff report. Of these prescriptions, 400,000 were prescribed for off-label uses like nerve pain, musculoskeletal pain and headaches. In 2008, the FDA approved its use for Fibromyalgia. Analgesic properties make the drug also suitable for osteoarthritis.Advisory Committee Meets Because of reports of serious side effects like liver damage and skin disease, an FDA advisory committee met in 2010 to review whether or not the benefits outweighed the risks in the use of Cymbalta for treating chronic pain. Despite this danger, the drug was approved months later for chronic musculoskeletal pain, including osteoarthritis.

Side Effects of Cymbalta Patients taking Cymbalta are often unaware of the potential side effects that may occur, and doctors continue to prescribe it for more uses despite these dangers.Complications for Pregnant Women Birth Defects Skin Disease Suicidal Thoughts Liver Toxicity Discontinuation Syndrome Persistent Withdrawal Symptoms (Brain Zaps)The Institute of Safe Medication Practices (ISMP) published a report describing 48 instances where Cymbalta users suffered from debilitating withdrawal side effects, including brain zaps.While a brain zap is not a precise medical term, many Cymbalta users have experienced the same type of abrupt electrical shock disrupting their mind. They describe the zaps as intense and painful sensations that cloud mental clarity and leave them with shakes, nausea and headaches. The degree of severity can impair a patient’s ability to work, socialize and carry out daily tasks.

ISMP’s reported Cymbalta withdrawal side effects include:Dizziness Brain zaps Anger Suicidal thoughtsWeight gain Paresthesia (burning sensation)Clinical studies reveal that with abrupt discontinuation of the drug, similar symptoms occurred in nearly half of patients. Of those, 10 percent felt symptoms acutely and half continued to suffer from side effects more than one to two weeks after stopping treatment.Many of these patients required hospitalization and also reported nausea, tremors and blackouts.

Read more:

Source: Cymbalta: Uses, Side Effects, Warnings & Withdrawal Risk

 

#StrongerThanPain

When I wrote Stronger Than Pain the words had already been my mantra a decade plus before. My mind was always consumed with being able to take that one more step. Just one more step. While the song is written in 3rd person and contains specific words that can only apply to me because of the nature of them, the phrase is universal for those who strive to beat pain. It’s for those who have endured despite setbacks, hardships and loss. It’s for those who’ve loved and lost. It’s for all of us. My son Ozra performed my song, my hope, my meaning but with one difference “She” is also each of you ladies whose pain, passion and purpose isn’t just about you, but for everyone. The full version of Stronger Than Pain has not yet been released and there is 2 versions.

 

https://www.facebook.com/KurtisOzra

 

My continuity of care document dated March 22, 2016

Mild recurrent Major Depression

Benign Essential Hypertension

Insomnia

Fatigue

Shortness of breath

Irregular Menstrual Cycle

Menorrhagia

Colon Spasm

Central Sleep Apnea

Memory Deficit

Obstructive Sleep Apnea

Osteoarthritis of Lumbar Spine

Arthritis

Depression

Diverticulosis

Gastritis

Hyperlipidemia

Hypersomnolence

Osteopenia

Prediabetes

Hematochezia

Ovarian Cysts

Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy

Vitamin D Deficiency

Pain, joint, shoulder

Hepatic Hemangiomas

This is not a complete list, but I wonder if any of it might cause you discomfort, pain, depression or if bleeding from your butt on a regular basis, trying, striving and hurting from each of the others might be pleasant for you. I already know the answer that may be disguised as “suck it up” when if it was you it might be disheartening, depressing and I don’t know, painful? My empathy runs deep for all those who push on to live with any of the above, and those pain related issues I don’t have, yet understand at a level many never will. I haven’t walked every pair of shoes, but I’ve walked enough to know from first hand experiences that my main purpose is to feel you.

I wanted to die, yet I really wanted to live! I wanted the struggle to survive it to be over. As the world turned, I saw the same 2 walls everyday. Not 4, just 2. It was hard to get up and it was hard to leave the house. I gave everything I had and I gave it for nothing expected. I was ridiculed for not supporting other organizations, groups, people when the only thing true in that was that I didn’t have time or ability to give more when I was trying to give a little for everyone. If I gave absolutely everything to others there wouldn’t ever be anything for me. The “me” is the part that was already doing my best, but few saw that or even resonated with the possibility that I wasn’t okay already. People wanted from me, but there wasn’t any mutual giving back, only taking. I wondered why I ever tried in the first place, but I knew the answer to my own question because that’s what I do. It’s what I’ve always done. I had lost all hope. I did my 5 as dirty as those who failed me did. My husband (30 years married in August, 31 years together next month), our 3 of 6 children and our grandson didn’t deserve my actions no more than I deserved being delayed, denied, dismissed and belittled by healthcare providers, groups, and Workers Compensation.

I only saw that their world .. together, would keep turning and that they with each other would make it without me because they would. I can’t handle the 10’s. The real 10’s. Who can?

“When no one else believes in you…

… You better” ~Twinkle V.

I now see groups named Stronger Than Pain, I see so much out there and I’m okay with that. I’ll never tell you how many years back it goes only that the proof is on you before it’s on me because I’m covered. People are always going to take your thing and run with it. All it means is they like it so much they take it or use it. It’s when they take without acknowledgement that it becomes shady.

There’s so much to tell. I’m not ashamed of my actions because that would mean I’m ashamed of those precious suffering souls lost to suicide. I’m not ashamed of them. They are being held in the hands of God. I can promise you that.

If the first or last thing I can leave you with is something to hold onto, believe in, and accomplish..

Be #StrongerThanPain

and “When you think you can’t, maybe you already have”

I pray that I have and that you have also.

I can never go back, but I can go forward understanding why some people are no longer here.

 

~Twinkle V.

 

 

 

Microglia Activation Causes Depression, Anxiety in Chronic Pain

June 11, 2015

Brain inflammation from chronic pain increases microglia activation, which inhibits the release of dopamine and may lead to depression and anxiety, according to a study published in The Journal of Neuroscience.

Although more than half of chronic pain patients experience depression, anxiety, or substance abuse, scientists were unable to determine what caused this association until now. In this study, the researchers sought to test if chronic pain disrupted the transmission of dopamine.

The researchers demonstrated that the activation of microglia in mice with chronic pain inhibited the release of dopamine. These results shed light on why opioids, which stimulate a dopamine response, can be ineffective for chronic pain patients.

The researchers instead tested a drug that inhibited the activation of microglia. This, they found, restored normal dopamine release and reward-motivated behavior in the mice.

“For over 20 years, scientists have been trying to unlock the mechanisms at work that connect opioid use, pain relief, depression and addiction,” said Catherine Cahill, PhD, of the University of California, Irvine. “Our findings represent a paradigm shift which has broad implications that are not restricted to the problem of pain and may translate to other disorders.”­

In future studies, the researchers hope to explore if mood disorders are caused by similar brain alterations, regardless of the presence of chronic pain.

Read more-

via Microglia Activation Causes Depression, Anxiety in Chronic Pain.

Read the full article at:

The Journal of Neuroscience

Microglia Disrupt Mesolimbic Reward Circuitry in Chronic Pain

Stress-Related Inflammation May Increase Risk for Depression

Released: 20-Oct-2014 2:05 PM EDT 

“Inflammation is the immune system’s response to infection or disease, and has long been linked to stress. Previous studies have found depression and anxiety to be associated with elevated blood levels of inflammatory molecules and white blood cells after a confirmed diagnosis, but it has been unclear whether greater inflammation was present prior to the onset of disease or whether it is functionally related to depression symptomology.”

Read more-

via Stress-Related Inflammation May Increase Risk for Depression.

BBC News – People asked to blog about their mental health illness

People with mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety or schizophrenia are being asked to write about their lives online.

via BBC News – People asked to blog about their mental health illness.

(Pressed)