“However weak our hearts may be, we are not that weak we cannot stand the pain, and, however strong we may be, we are not so strong that pain can’t touch us!”
https://www.facebook.com/StrongerThanPain/
IG: Stronger Than Pain
#StrongerThanPain
The Last 6 Months
It’s been 9 months since my husbands 3rd heart attack. Our son Ozra released his first Album Make Better A priority late June. My paternal Grandma passed onto the next at 103 years of age.
These 2 men featured Ozra known then as Lil Oz on their tracks. Reunited once more with Deus and David V. many years later for Make Better a Priority.
Available on all digital markets. Search: Kurtis Ozra.
I found a physician who’d agree to review my medical records, WC, after 2 years without a provider. I met him 1 time. WC denied his request for 6 followups. He put in for me 6 with him and 6 psych also. I was approved for psych which will determine my need to see him (future medical). I met him in April. I haven’t been allowed (or covered for) to see him since.
I continue to do all I can for myself. Holistic.
I may be high risk for a completed suicide as a result of uncontrolled physical pain. I know this. I have a solid plan in place if I can’t anymore again. This plan is for my beautiful family to support and implement on my behalf.
I haven’t felt that way, you know the one? No other way out? for 18 months now.
Depression yes, I’m not suicidal.
Sometimes now, when people are like I’m on this med and that one, and have back up for breakthrough because I have the “worse pain ever known to man”, In my head I’m like…
Do you have any idea what it takes to stay alive and have none of that? I’m taken as being better off. I’m assumed to be able to handle what others cannot.
Anyone’s pain is the worse pain ever when it’s their own pain.
On my own since February of 2016.
Of 4 suicide attempts I was held for being a danger to myself on the first and the last.
I’ve survived.
Hurts like hell still sometimes ya know.
My mindset is,
If you don’t have faith in me, how could I ever have faith in you. I don’t.
Additionally, I understand the physician is also controlled, need to care for their own lives, families and they deal with much burnout.
Welcome to slavery.
White Sage
It’s time to do a spiritual cleansing. This won’t only consist of smudging my home, but my personal being as well. A re balance of my life force. The great spirit.
As a sensitive, Empath, I become overwhelmed by other peoples energy, pain, thoughts, emotions, even joy. This isn’t anything new. I’ve had the gift, curse? All my life. When I’m around positiveness that flame grows into peace, tranquility and calm, energizes me and all the others I come into contact with even when people are experiencing their own pain and hardships. There’s an opposite side to this. My negative energy doesn’t do anyone around me any good either.
“A strong life force makes a human being totally alive, alert and present while a weak force results in sluggishness and fatigue. … The concept of a life force is found in most of the ancient cultures of the world. In India, it is called prana; in China, chi; in Japan, ki; for Native Americans, the Great Spirit.”
http://www.energyarts.com/what-is-chi
In reference to a previous blog when I said I can’t choose one side or another. How could I authentically when one side doesn’t exist over the other? When everything is entangled? When it’s all connected?
MTP (Moving Toward Peace)
https://www.movingtowardspeace.com/mtpblog/the-ancient-art-of-burning-sage.html
Why Smudging Your Body With White Sage Is A Must For Every Highly Sensitive Warrior (A Guide To Smudging)
http://alcantaraacupuncture.com/why-smudging-your-body-with-white-sage-is-a-must-for-every-highly-sensitive-warrior/
White Sage Uses… A Step by Step Guide to Smudging
http://www.ask-angels.com/spiritual-guidance/white-sage-smudging/
White sage is also an herb and it’s Latin name is Salvia apiana which means “healing”.
Post statement this blog was written over a week ago and was filed as a draft. Today, my White Sage was delivered and gifted with much love and heart from our daughter Rikki. By Christmas I’ll have completed my own piece of prayer calling on my ancestors, the angels, healers and Jesus Christ alike.
I hope to share this experience with you.
The Other Side of Pain
I’m a confused person at this point in my life and it’s my journey to unravel. Some may think admitting openly to alcohol misuse is something I should have kept to myself. I don’t think so. I think it gave me the opportunity to understand those who’ve self medicated with anything. I didn’t drink everyday, I wasn’t a social drinker, or a party person. My actions of misuse were perhaps a half dozen times ever. What’s the difference between getting drunk, drinking on a regular basis, and misuse? I think the difference is I knew better. I knew better at the time I poured it. Maybe similar to those who misuse RX’s knew better at the time they took them. The ability to know better ends or decreases once altered. I had learned by the 2nd or 3rd time that I shouldn’t drink depressed. I opted to drink the one I shouldn’t have had. You know the one we shouldn’t have, that next one? While I have no personal experience with opioid misuse or addiction I think I know why people do that. At least I hope I do so that maybe I can go on one day to help them, too. Help the families recognize there’s a problem, or that the potential for one can arise. It only takes a few extra pills or that extra shot of booze to change us. There isn’t any excuse. There are reasons. I do have experience with a fatal heroin overdose who was my husbands step sister. We disconnected her from life support.
5 years ago I was so afraid for my husband after his quadruple bypass heart surgery which was after 2 prior heat attacks that I probably nagged him more than his physicians did in reminding him to care for himself better. He became so lost in his pain, the various diagnosis’, emotions and depression as well that after awhile there wasn’t anything left I could do for him. He had to do it himself. Last month the 3rd heart attack happened. Through all this and other events, I began to decline mentally. Physically I could barely make it around the house. I just didn’t want to care for awhile. I’m someone that cares too deeply and I give everything and often to my own detriment.
I’m not ashamed of my actions, but I’m sorry for them.
As previously mentioned I’ve busted my butt this year changing my pain to manageable pain for myself in all the pain related diagnosis’ I have. I’ve worked on myself emotionally, but that can still be wishy washy at times. I see things differently than I did before and I see them from the perspective of people needing to do more for themselves.
Did you do the followup home PT your physical therapist suggested? Nope. Do any of the exercises and movements on the how-to sheets of paper you were sent home with? You know the ones that even have the pictures outlined on them? Nope. Hardly anyone does and they should be done daily. Are you doing what your physician told you to? Remove or reduce inflammatory foods for chronic pain syndrome? Nope. For Diabetes reduce sugar intake? Nope. For coronary heart disease reduce cholesterol? Nope.
What the hell does anyone want then? For someone else to do it for them?
I have his dinner ready each work night when he gets home at 11:00 p.m. Last night I was exhausted and was asleep by 11:20 p.m. Slept 4 hours and here I am. I provide him home cooked balanced meals, I even spend days making food in batches so that I can freeze it for easy dinners later. Heat and serve. I do this so I can have lighter days and keep myself from flaring. I can’t control anything I don’t make and I can’t do anything about his pain either. He has to
There’s so many people doing the same thing or rather not doing. Like everyone else he’s an amazing person, too.
The help people need the most can really only be found within themselves.
I went to Church yesterday morning. It’s where I’m at most peace. I stood for all our songs. 3 in the beginning of service and 1 at the end of it I’m really sore, but I won’t call it pain for myself. If I get stuck on the thought of pain because of pain then it will escalate and I know this.
He’s finally pushing through more for himself now because he realizes he’s not going to get another chance. Will it be enough? I don’t know and it scares the shit out of me.
I’m severely afraid to lose him. I already was and now I am even more all over again. I’ve been his since I was 17.
What happens to us as people? Do we lose faith in ourselves? (Not a religious statement). Do we expect other’s to make our differences for us? Of course most do. At what point do we finally decide it’s up to us? When there’s no options left?
I can never reach a 9/10 again. Ever! I’m responsible for me. I roll my ball all over my body to promote blood flow, reduce inflammation, swelling, help my internal organs and structures not break down further. I stretch, and sometimes I still have to move my toes and fingers manually.
Should I be in mental health services? Probably. I was directly after my breakdown as a condition of my release. It was short term and expired. I tried again and it didn’t work out. I’m not suicidal and I look for things to laugh at or with and smile at each day over something. Painting, drum box, things that doesn’t matter if I’m any good at as long as it’s something I’m doing. Remembering all the good things above any type of painful ones helps keep pain from rising. There’s a calm in the happy place. I realize sometimes I do this simultaneously, the good and the bad. Working on that, too. I do have much to look forward to and I’m grateful for so many things and people in life.
I have to minimize my triggers, stressors, my anxiety highs and I do get triggered randomly. Not anyone’s fault. It’s mine. Before I say anything I wouldn’t otherwise say before the trigger, I need to click the X in the top right corner of my screen and log off. I have the mindfulness to know these things I just need to do better to implement them.
I had only been getting on for about 30 minutes between 1 and 2 p.m. and again about 8 p.m. after my nap and was entirely off every few days, but the last few days, off and on even more. It can get lonely with just me, myself, and I all day. I’ll have to suck that one up too.
Valerian Root is helpful for sleep support and can provide an element of pain relief. I hope it can help some of you who didn’t know of it’s uses. If you’re on medications make sure there wouldn’t be any adverse affects.
It might take me another entire year in healing forward. I suppose a year isn’t that long. It may also be a lifelong ongoing process. I hope not. That might be a really long time. lol
It’s exhausting just thinking about that. Ha!
I do love you all. I can’t help you in your physical pain, eventually I’ll try to with how-to videos, but I’m already on the path to help in the psychological aspects that are even more important.
Goodnight again for now.
Why The Apology
Cross-Posted from Pages yesterday to this blog. Reference at the end.
Why The Apology
Life is precious no matter whose life it is. I let my pain, our pain, nudge me to one side more than to another. Just like they did. They? I know! We separate ourselves from one another and we shouldn’t.
Opioids, addiction, loss of loved ones in life or death ended up with the development of the CDC Guidelines. The recommendations. This led to the current affairs and even our President declaring an emergency over it. It influenced further lack of care for even compliant pain patients and has caused more suffering.
The many who believed in over prescribing and the opioids being an epidemic couldn’t see or didn’t want to acknowledge that there are other people in the world who would end up losing, too.
By reducing and removing these analgesics without a plan in place to substitute relief the quality of life provided by these medications would lesson and some people would end up choosing suicide, and many would live with the ideations not knowing how to go on.
I suppose in it all our selfishness as human beings to want it our way disregards the need of others who aren’t us.
I’ve been selfish too.
We end up fighting for our causes, creating campaigns, starting movements, staying steadfast in our agendas which are in a sense born of pain in one aspect or other and then we blame each other.
I still believe that we all have choices and that responsibility for those choices should be on ourselves and that we should accept those consequences.
Addiction, any type of, is a mental health issue. I’ve learned that the impulses that drive people to do what they do are no longer their fault once they reach the point of losing clarity. to make proper decisions. I understand better that when the point is reached where the mind has become so weakened by the addiction that the ability to make the better choice for themselves fails to exist.
I had taken this year for me. For my healing. I’m still healing and progressing.
I wish for all of us that the new year gives us all a new chance to heal from our pain whether in body, mind, or spirit and that we can all find peace in pain.
Journey on.
In reference to:
#Apology to those I ever offended ‘re #addiction #loss. Agendas. Some existing beliefs/ personal experiences, I’ve grown and I love you too.
The Simpler Things
My aspirations are much simpler now. They include living each day however I might in a different mindset that I had previously. If I hadn’t gone through all that I have, especially the last 3 years and definitely since February of 2016 I most likely would still be thinking as I did then and doing as I did then. I most likely wouldn’t have even found a way to go on, yet I have.
I might have stayed depressed waiting and wondering why or if ever I would feel okay enough in body again. That’s heavy. Don’t we all feel that way? Or most of us?
I use to think that physicians were suppose to help us. I don’t even believe that anymore. I know sometimes people expect me to choose one side or another of something. I don’t choose like that.
Perhaps some of it , my lack of forming words or expressing myself correctly enough to others is from abrupt discontinuation of medications so many times, or the TBI’s I’ve had or my Cerebral Palsy is catching up to me a little more, or the mental break downs as a result of unmanageable physical pain. You know brain fried?
Or just believing that I’m responsible for me above anyone or anything else.
Maybe. Or maybe I do express myself well enough and it’s just perception. Some people can’t wait to be offended. I suppose it’s easy enough to just ask for clarification, but the human emotion rather feel slighted so they have something to fight for or against.
I didn’t even use to be a TV person. Not like I am now. I enjoy watching a Series. I had pretty much given up writing, 100’s of poems and lyrics over the years. I couldn’t squeeze in joy for myself. I’ve taken up painting. I can’t stroke right, or brush evenly, I don’t have enough feeling in my thumb, forefinger, and my middle of finger of that same hand locks from curving. I can barely feel one side of that arm up to my elbow. I still use that hand. I’m ambidextrous which has helped me greatly.
I enjoy making my husbands food even if it takes me all day. A couple of days ago I was cutting an onion and sliced the palm of my left hand. On Thanksgiving it did the same thing to tip of my finger. I have choices. Stop using these hands to prevent accidents or keep using them. I need to use them. My legs ache often, my CRPS type 2 is so so right now only because of the colder weather but I move my legs everyday, ankle raises, knee raises, back movement, arms. I don’t have full body CRPS, I do have full body various other diagnosis’ including both my lumbar and cervical spine. If I didn’t stretch, my flesh would constrict against my bones and my pain would be escalated.
I was barely 33 when my life stopped as a result of CRPS. Or is that I let my life stop because of it. I’m still thinking about that.
I’m a caregiver to my husband who also isn’t well. My son is a caregiver to me as needed. He was at the hospital for me, us, during his dads last heart attack last month. He advocated for us with physicians, he stayed in front of me so I could drive the car home from the ER parking hot safely as his dad was being transported from the first hospital to another.
I’m in the process of becoming a member at the Church our son was baptized at years ago. I’m a baptized Lutheran. My goal is to be baptized again by submersion as a local yet Southern Baptist. I miss attending at times and that’s a set back for me. Or is it still progress? My Narcolepsy is worse against right now but I set the cell alarm to vibrate to wake me or keep me from the dozes. I really am learning to manage my own life.
Today I have chicken breasts in the crock pot with a buffalo sauce. It’ll be ready by the time my husband gets home from work tonight about 11:00 p.m.
Not this Saturday but the next we’re going to our local swap meet outside auction, I don’t get out much still relying on someone else to get me anywhere. Over the summer I had myself on a great schedule. Up early, in bed early, but I’ve altered my routines to his schedule. I get a nap each evening between 5:50 and 6:30 p.m. About 7 p.m I make an espresso.
I can’t be amidst pain all day long so I’ve minimized my internet time again. Feeling other people too much only sets pain into my own body.
Heck, maybe I really shouldn’t be on the internet at all. Anything that can get in the way, will. Ha! I have no working computer again and did try to restore my laptop it didn’t work. My husband tried a few days ago too. Nope. One more option and that is to buy an encasing pull the hard drive, enclose it, and go from there.
The one I speak of above hasn’t worked since summer time. I was using my really old back up one, the one that barely did anything because of such an old version of windows but… my dog rushed through the side table, tangled in the cord and to the ground it went before I could catch it from making contact.
Actually, I do have a working comp it’s just not mine, but am grateful to use it.
Is there even such a thing as bad luck? I’m not even sure about that one anymore. Randomness.
I was filling out an application the other night and the entire page went down during it. Maybe that wasn’t meant to be either yet I could change it by doing so again. Nah.
My aspiration is to live.
My crock pot is my best friend and my home made cafe mocha makes me smile.
I wish you smiles today!
Hardships as Blessings
How many of you consider pain or hardships as blessings?
While pain, hardships, disability, or inability are not things we’ve asked for in our lives, they can, if we let them, teach us, help us better when the next crisis comes a long. They also teach us compassion, even if we were already compassionate people. Sometimes compassion comes in the form of understanding someone like us, who shares our illnesses, but what about compassion for those who aren’t us? Those who’s illnesses perhaps are different?
I’ve been blessed. So blessed that I know what it is to be homeless and I’m not speaking of homeless in another person’s home. Are you really homeless if someone else puts a roof over your head? You may not have your own home, but someone else has given you theirs, therefore how homeless are you?
All those things we take advantage of yet aren’t necessities. Hot water, heat, air. These are not things that cause me stress they can however reduce my ability to progress in pain because it’s take effort that most in pain can’t or won’t achieve. For quite some times there wasn’t any working toilets either. Imagine that. It was easy enough to accomplish, so you potty in something else.
I learned so many different ways to feed us, bathe us, heat us and cool us. Mostly these are things our world takes for granted.
I consider them being lessons. And I imagine what it was like 200 years ago. Living off the land, cooking with coals, or wood, fetching water from a stream and heating it for those things we needed. And with that, I’ve learned.
I know that if our world is ever compromised, or if, can I be funny now? The zombie apocalypse happens, if marshal law is ever enforced, or if it just gets harder and harder in America, I will survive.
I’ll survive right along with those who shelter in coves, underground, on the river, in the mountains, on the streets. Will you?
It seems that I’m harsh sometimes, I know. The perception of most is that I’m without compassion and that I don’t understand you. On the contrary I do and that is why I won’t go silent about the things that can really help you, save you, assist you.
Look, I don’t care about your pain medication or how much you need it, I care about you being able to live without it when that day comes for you. I don’t care about what you have, or how your life is over because of it, I care about how it is possible to live with it, if you want to.
Easy for me to say, right? We live in a society that believes that someone else is responsible for our lives, our pain relief, our live or give up. No one is not really.
There was a lady who attended the Gohl Method program with me the second time. She’s a nurse. She has CRPS. She was born into a country that the only way to get food was to stand in a line, food controlled by the government, a country that America isn’t, not yet.
The lady came here and she thrived in education.
Yet we put down all the immigrants because they are somehow less than us. Funny thing is that they are grateful to be able to buy their own food, from their own earnings, they are prouder Americans than most Americans are because they know a different type of suffering.
The lady has CRPS, gets her MLT treatment again, and she goes on with her life. We can though, we can’t go on with our lives because we expect healthcare to somehow do the work for us we should be doing ourselves and for ourselves.
Facebook isn’t good for me and I’ll leave that down for a bit still. The things I post are taken as offensive and then I get defensive. Facebook is both a save from isolation for some and it causes further isolation for others.
I think that twitter, or blogging is better for me. I didn’t run away and even though it may seem as such to some and while I had tried to tell myself I wouldn’t deactivate it again and instead simply not log in, for me, it is my better choice for an optimal break.
The same day that I deactivated I attended a training webinar. I’m still a Medtronic Patient Ambassador. Stronger Than Pain INC isn’t mine, I’m only apart of it for my son.
My wishes are bigger. They are for life not for inability to live life or stay in it.
I don’t believe it’s any physicians job to change my life. They can assist me, but I have to make that difference. Heart disease, diabetes 2, multiple other illnesses that people end up with whether primary or secondary are for us to change. I don’t believe that physicians prescribe opioids just to prescribe them. I’ve been denied for alternative care too. I believe that if addiction, misuse or overdose occurs that we chose to do that to ourselves. If a medicine is prescribed every 8 hours then taking it again 2 hours later is leading to your own destructive behavior. I believe that in part, some documented opioid related overdoses were in fact suicides. While my faith is low for western medicine it’s not because of a push for or lack of prescribing opioid analgesics.
Pain? I can’t reverse much of my own musculoskelatal disorders, some of which caused to worsen by not doing more for myself. (If this offends you, you’ll understand better when you realize much of what you ended up with wasn’t a direct result of your original diagnosis, but what you let happen to yourself as a result. How dare I say “what you let happen?”) I know you want to tell me how you never asked for it. You’re right, you didn’t, but you need to find your way even in pain, or…
Musculoskeletal disorders (MSDs) are injuries or pain in the human musculoskeletal system, including the joints, ligaments, muscles, nerves, tendons, and structures that support limbs, neck and back.
But after a really hard decline, clearing my body of all medications, stretching, working on my mindset, I’ve been able to halt progression of those problems.
My pain relief can be found in your food section of a grocery store.
I had turned my SCS off upon my first treatment of MLT in late October of 2016. It remained off during my second 5 days of treatment in mid January of 2017. I was able to keep it off for quite sometime after.
It’s been back on for a few months now. This isn’t a negative but a positive in that my SCS affords me my own continuity of care without drugs prescribed or otherwise.
Have you ever been blessed by your pain or hardships?
I have and I’ll teach you from each of them.
Take it or leave it.
I know you’re listening
Even if you can’t stand it.
Godspeed. 
It’s enough because …
And my faith is enough because…
And because if I don’t for me,
No one else will,
Nor should they have to.
Gratitude.
NERVEmber + Goals for 2018
In a Facebook post that read ‘
Goals for 2018
– Continue healing all aspects of myself.
– Continue to learn and utilize holistic remedies
– Continue post Gohl Method protocols
– Start off slow and end big.
I could have shared more because there is more. So much more I want to accomplish. Yet because of my inability still to commit, I left it at that. If the above is all I achieve, I’ve achieved it all.
I’ve spoken to several people after me who have been traumatized by the healthcare system. Traumatized in ways that isn’t the logo’s promoted for these services. Humanity.
There isn’t anything humane in treating people, patients so minimally that they feel worse after seeing you than they did when they sought your help. I don’t know for certain if it was the CDC ruling, or the President declaring an emergency on opioids but I do know for certain that inhumane attitudes, remarks, and accusations is not the definition of humanity.
I would have rather had a physician tell me no, dismiss me not knowing what to do for me than have had them assume I was someone I wasn’t.
I’ve spoken to people who did everything right in their care, for their life, and still everything went wrong. A person who is at the top of the advocacy chain, admired by many, and still was treated so poorly that trauma, PTSD has resulted.
Is there a word, a code, a safe word someone can use when we’re so serious about our pain, state of mind, or knowing better for ourselves that we’re believed?
There wasn’t for me. I reserved that 10 my entire life. And when I used it I was thrown away.
Now other people are experiencing what I did. Prominent people. The only thing I had done wrong if it was even truly wrong at all was self medicate with alcohol after the facts, amidst the denials, delays, and incompetence. This person doesn’t do any of that.
My road is still long but I see an ending for it. I have a long way to go in healing but I know I will. I still have the diseases, syndromes and so forth but because I was blessed with MLT and my own determination, I’m alive.
I’m listening to the NERVEmber posts and as much video as I can grab before my comp shuts down from trying and I hear the people talk about their much needed, lifetime care.
I don’t have that.
Imagine a world with no care from western medicine for whatever reason because it doesn’t matter why. Just imagine you on your own for your life. For your pain relief and your well being. From your symptoms and your uncertainty.
If you can you might understand me. Because I’ve gone through it, I understand you.
It may have taken you a moment to feel me and why I fell so hard, but you do know now because you’ve went there too.
After my decline I asked for 1 year. 1 year to heal myself, progress, find me, learn me.
I thought I would be good a year later. While my year began October 24, 2016 in a sense it begins toward the end of January of 2017.
It may not seem it from onlookers, but i have come far physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
I wanted to try to find my way back into some advocacy. for 2018. I don’t know yet.
I’m not certain yet because it isn’t always over when we want it to be. Sometimes it takes a lifetime.
All I know for sure is that I’ve been through and overcome obstacles that many believe aren’t possible.
Stronger Than Pain – Kurtis Ozra VanFleet
Medtronic INC
Arisen Strength – Shane Schulz
Gohl Method – Arik Gohl
You’re my only commitments.
I’ll try for you.
I start off slow and end big each and every day because I reach a new tomorrow.
That goal is my only priority. My ID isn’t just RsdCrpsFire for the fire of CRPS/RSD. It’s symbolic in living, thriving, the fires that be within ourselves. Passion. There’s always a duality in me.
I currently can’t talk right and for those who understood why I couldn’t 2 years ago, you might understand now. Otherwise, I won’t be sharing why. Let me just say that if I do any voice, phone calls or videos that I’ll have a lisp. My sound, voice and speech will be altered. I’m okay with it. I have to be. This video doesn’t contain that problem.
Enough said. x
Week in Review
I haven’t so much gotten many breaks this year aside from MLT but I’m much better able to handle the stressors. The last couple of months has been pulling our home out of foreclosure, my husband returning to work, dealing with loss of insurance and then thinking its merge into covered california coverage would be at least somewhat affordable, but it wasn’t. My previous post about starting PT again was hopeful for a minute. The authorization and appointment was scheduled in days. It would have begun November 2nd. Our insurance ends October 30th. I had already lost care for my SCS and CRPS in February of 2016 this new appointment was separate under Medicare and for my spine only. Even though I have lifetime medical under Worker’s Compensation it’s not that easy. My injury was so long ago even physicians who accept WC have declined to take me as a patient. My previous PMD didn’t get paid for his services for me for 5 years straight until he proceeded to court on it. I understand that a doctor needs to get paid and my adjuster nearly always delayed or denied. I’ve been in the process of closing out that future medical since the end of June 2017. It could take years. It hasn’t provided me nothing.
Our second daughter Rikki and her Fiance are moving to Texas. They’ve sold their home and will be leaving any day now.
Our son was activated for the California Fires (Sonoma) Emergency State Active Duty (ESAD) IC4U Unit. He works for the Solano County Sheriff’s Department and was already driving into it each day for his position securing the courthouse, but then was called to duty. Ozra is also the CEO and President of Stronger Than Pain so he has a lot on his plate too. Especially for having not turned 21 yet.
I know there’s a difference between those who’ve fought and who are fighting overseas and in combat zones. Ozra is State side. I’m just as proud because we need help too. Our devastations need these units to protect us as well. Both of my dad’s served in Vietnam. My current dad (my mom parted from my birth daddy in death in September of 1991 and married her childhood sweetheart years later) was active in front line combat in the nam. He still has shrapnel in him. He’s both retired military and retired law enforcement. My daughter Rikki served in the Army, her fiance did 2 hard tours including Afghanistan. My husband was Navy for a minute and his father 21 years in the air force, his mama was an original Rosie. He flew them, she built them. My husbands brother was a Navy Seal, we lost him in 2016. My husband was born in his parents 40’s, they have both been deceased since our early 20’s My dad died 10 months before his dad, and his mom barely 2 years later. Ozra never met any of them, but I know they know him.
I’m severely behind in trying to catch up on anything internet or social media related. Our internet only became active for ourselves less than 2 weeks ago. Email has been a chore. I’m using an old laptop, so old it doesn’t even connect to certain sites because of browsers being out of date. Can’t update because they aren’t supported with such an old version of Windows. I’m grateful though that I have partial access at least and that’s been good enough.
Our grandson ‘Tai is thriving and our oldest Kharisma is hanging in there.
Currently, I’m working on returning my breathing machine to the sleep source center, cancelling that new PT appointment, and getting my other laptop restored though I’m not as on that as I could be.
My day’s are:
Move my body out of bed
(After sleeping, I’m sore and stiff)
Make coffee
(Do a few stretches using the kitchen counter)
Start home chores
(Have coffee)
Feed my dogs
(Try to feel awake and reduce pain from rising)
Internet and email
(As much as I can however limited from myself or something else)
Rest
(Stretch)
It’s repetitive all day. Do, naps, do, rest, do and do some Netflix, too.
I go to Church as much as I can. Sometimes I go, but don’t stay for group. It’s embarrassing for me to doze when Pastor speaks. I’m learning better that it’s okay, but I’m not so okay with it yet that I would let me fall asleep on them like that knowing it’s coming.
We start Church with a set of 3 songs and end with 1. I’m finally able to stand for most of them. A few times I’ve been able to for all, but not every time. Progress still. Of course I pay for my standing, singing, and wish to be with others, but I’ll do it again because I want to that much.
I just restarted PreNatal Vitamins as a source of a once a day with extra in it. There’s no baby on the way. Just another alternative to feel as good as I can without those things we sometimes hope for elsewhere.
Until next time…
My Natural Alternatives for Pain, Depression and Anxiety.
My natural alternatives for pain, depression, anxiety, pain management, and medication management that I’ve used over the last year that has afforded me an ability to maintain physical pain levels in addition to the emotional secondary conflicts that living with intractable pain has caused.
I look forward to those of you who can provide additional natural or holistic recommendations for myself and others.
Please be advised that any information that I share is NOT medical advice and that I’m not responsible for your choice to consider or use any of the options provided. Always consult with your healthcare team or pharmacist first.
Milk Thistle
Commonly used to detox the body, especially the liver. It can also help control or prevent Diabetes, lower cholesterol and is an antiinflammatory.
Turmeric
Anti inflammatory, antioxidant, treats arthritis and pain related diseases and disorders, including age related chronic diseases. It can be effective as an antidepressant.
Chronic inflammation is known to be a contributor to many common Western diseases, syndromes, and other illnesses. Curcumin the active
ingredient in Turmeric can inhibit many molecules known to play major roles in inflammation.
Curcumin Boosts Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor, Linked to Improved Brain Function and Lower Risk of Brain Diseases. Ref: Healthline.
http://www.healthline.com/nutrition/top-10-evidence-based-health-benefits-of-turmeric
For Anxiety and Insomnia- Valerian Root
Valerian root is a common ingredient sold in dietary supplements. It claims to cure insomnia and nervous tension caused by anxiety. Valerian has been used for centuries as an herbal remedy.
It was used in ancient Greece and Rome to ease:
Insomnia
Nervousness
Trembling
Headaches
Stress
Based on the available research, take 300 to 600 milligrams (mg) of valerian root 30 minutes to two hours before bedtime. This is best for insomnia or sleep trouble. For tea, soak 2 to 3 grams of dried herbal valerian root in 1 cup of hot water for 10 to 15 minutes.
Valerian root seems to work best after taking it regularly for two or more weeks. Don’t take valerian root for more than a month without talking to your doctor.
http://www.healthline.com/health/food-nutrition/valerian-root#overview1
I use Valerian both as a hot tea and in capsule form. It’s been quite helpful as a replacement for prescribed medications.
*** If you’re on any medications, please discuss using the Valerian Root with your physician or pharmacist.
Magnesium
It’s believed that magnesium in citrate are better absorbed than sulfate forms.
Top 9 Health Benefits of Magnesium
Helps Increase Energy.
Calms Nerves and Anxiety.
Treats Insomnia and Helps You Fall Asleep.
Helps with Digestion by Relieving Constipation.
Relieves Muscle Aches and Spasms.
Regulates Levels of Calcium, Potassium and Sodium.
Important for Heart Health.
Prevents Migraine Headaches.
Dreams– Some people have reported lucid dreaming using it. Being a lucid dreamer already, I love this for myself.
Magnesium Sulfate also known as Epsom’s salt. https://www.everydayhealth.com/drugs/magnesium-sulfate
More info: https://draxe.com/magnesium-supplements/
I use Magnesium in both capsule form as well as drink it in the sulfate form. Yes it’s the same form that we use to soak in baths with. It helps constipation for any reason. In the capsule form it provides natural ease from depression.
Echinacea for immune system support and more. http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/252684.php
Vitamins B12, B1, B6, Calcium, Zinc, Vitamin C are each important also.
Chamomile, peppermint, Lavender, Rosemary, Ginger, Green teas.
Ginger, I shave, cut and steep fresh ginger for it’s anti inflammatory properties and to use for female problems, namely dysmenorrhea. It is a blood thinner too so don’t use it if taking a pharmaceutical that’s also a thinner.
Chia seeds
“Chia” means strength, and folklore has it that these cultures used the tiny black and white seeds as an energy booster. That makes sense, as chia seeds are a concentrated food containing healthy omega-3 fatty acids, carbohydrates, protein, fiber, antioxidants, and calcium.
It truly is a super food. A really good article from August 2nd 2017 can be found on http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/291334.php
I use them nearly everyday. in both food and drink.
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/291334.php
Kratom
It can be used for pain relief, depression, anxiety and a number of other ailments. It can be used as a stimulant. Each is dependent on dosing. It’s only dangerous if not used responsibly just like anything else. The only effect I’ve ever felt from it is a sense of calming which helped physical pain. I’ve drank it as a tea.
St. Johns Wort. This can cause adverse effects if taken with medications. It can be quite helpful for those who aren’t on any medications. It can interact adversely with other herbs or supplements. Be safe.
“Some of the most impressive health benefits of St. John’s Wort include its ability to treat depression, improve mood swings, relieve anxiety, reduce the severity of premenstrual symptoms, ease addictive tendencies, regulate hormonal activity, prevent cancer, protect against viral infections, reduce inflammation, and soothe the nervous system.” Ref: Organic Facts.
https://www.organicfacts.net/health-benefits/herbs-and-spices/st-johns-wort.htm
OTC’s
Epsom salts for soaking in order to relieve aching muscles and promote relaxation. I adore the Lavender and Eucalyptus kind and have even added it to my kiddie pool this summer. It provides aromatherapy as well as physical relaxation. It promotes a happy mood. Don’t drink this type though!
Epsom’s salts gel. It’s a topical form of Epsoms and can be applied to painful areas.
Aspercreme with Lidocaine
Thermo heat wraps
Capsaicin
It’s the same ingredient found in chili peppers. It’s hot. It can be helpful for some and adverse to others. It’s actually something I’m not able to use, The heat was severe and I couldn’t even wash it off without it burning for an extended period of time.
Pre natal vitamins are a source of multivitamins in a single dose. Don’t overuse it.
I’m still not able to walk long, but I am able to stay up longer and take more steps. I haven’t been able to run yet and it’s been over 17 years that I have.
I’ve been able to restore some bad posture that was also contributing to pain levels, dysfunction and spinal deterioration. I’ve learned to breathe better by being more mindful to belly breath instead of hold my breath in pain and hyperventilate. My little kiddie pool has been great for me this summer as it has allowed me to move my limbs, bones, muscles, and spine with weightless effort. This has helped me do a little more outside of water.
I’ve restored blood restriction from movement. I’ve reduced discoloration and edema in my CRPS side. I’ve eased a lot of internal organ involvement by using my little ball (A tennis ball learned at the Gohl Program) on my belly in a circular motion minimally a few times a week. Stretching, movement.
You might be thinking how? right now. How can you? How can I? Am I better off than you are regarding pain, crps, etc? Or a need for medication management? Know how many times I’ve asked myself how can I without any? How can I do my routines? The ones that also hurt me. You may be thinking you can’t do or use any of the above because you’re in too much pain or you simply can’t stand the taste of something. I know. I was on pain relieving medication since the injury that led to my CRPS began. Even before the diagnosis itself. Since day 1. January 26, 2001 and then I suddenly wasn’t anymore. Of course I was dependent. I’ve had the Medtronic SCS since 2006.
I’ve had many people tell me they’re on Oxycodone with secondary Hydrocodone, or an extended release with a another pain medication for breakthrough pain and how they’re still at a 10 in pain.
Imagine that 10 with opioid medication and my “any pain level” without. If you can truly imagine that for just a moment then you might understand why I didn’t want to live anymore and how I became adamant that I wouldn’t.
Food
I do cook more yet 7 days a week isn’t happening. I do make foods in batches to freeze so that my husband has something to eat. So that we both do on the days that cooking is problematic. Homemade TV dinners.
I have a wheelchair, or should I say had. It’s on my patio ruined because I let it get rained on. I suppose in the back of my mind I still didn’t want it. I have a walker with a seat and breaks, I have it stored away, I have several cane’s, including 4 prong, I’m not using any of them. I lost my walking stick.
I love nature and being outside even if it’s only on my patio in my little pool. I’d encourage you to trade some of that internet time for nature.
When that pain, or any pain rises from any of my issues, I remind myself that I really am stronger than pain and that I survived for a purpose I had never considered before it all. A purpose that isn’t in CRPS Awareness anymore as it had been the 13 years prior. It’s not in finding a cure for something that most likely will never happen in my lifetime or yours but instead helping people live in the here and the now. Change cognitive beliefs that keep the pain state of mind active and replace those with a sense of healing, ability, and laughter. Laughter increases endorphins and endorphins reduce pain if even for only moments at a time.
It’s in raising your well being and supporting your progress instead of glorifying pain.
Moderate to severe physical pain will affect your emotions, your mind and it causes depression and overwhelming feelings of loss whether that be
a career, livelihood, the friends we once had, or who we were before we became chronic or intractable. It’s a constant cycle of stress and a vicious and a continuous 360 of remaining there. Fight or Flight is the stress response. The way you handle that stress response plays a main role in the ability to cope with physical pain. It’s been said for decades that RSD affects the sympathetic nervous system, the
sympathetic nervous is 1 half of the autonomic nervous system, the other part being the para sympathetic nervous system. The autonomic nervous system resides within the Central Nervous System. No wonder RSD is so out of hand. The Sympathetic nervous system is most commonly known as fight or flight. And more recently, fight, flight or freeze. If we’re in a constant state of stress, distress, our bodies regardless of injury or diagnosis won’t heal either. It can’t.
Understanding the stress response
The news has reported from several media outlets that addiction and overdose deaths affects families and how those poor families are hurting because of the devastating impact it causes. Fair enough! Will they ever report how chronic pain affects families the same way? Or how our families suffer right along with us? I doubt it. Pain of any kind hurts families not just the pain of overdose that has little to do with any pain patient and everything to do with a choice. Even if the choice was made without the ability to understand the consequences. My choice to die and their choice to take too much. Fair? Suicidal ideations is trying to reason and bargain with pain (any kind) as is anyone who throws back that extra and dies from it.
One of my favorite books is Anatomy and Physiology Made Easy. A Concise Learning Guide To Master The Fundamentals by Dr. Phillip Vaughn. I have the Kindle Version. Available on Amazon. It’s an easy read. The other Anatomy and Physiology book I’m reading is a bit more complicated and more in depth. I would recommend the above title as a starting point for anyone without or without pain, and as an informative tool regarding the human body, and as a stepping stone in order to understand possibility where possible is seemingly over.
So much can be done with a Yoga ball even from a bed.
(Initially this would have been either a Facebook Live or Periscope Live to share with you. When I’m able, I’ll still do a presentation and also demonstrate some of the techniques I use. IE: balls, dog toys, stretching, etc)
I’ve most likely left out other things I’ve done for myself.
Until next time. x
RSD Advisory- Where Chronic Pain & Depression Collide 