In a Facebook post that read ‘

I could have shared more because there is more. So much more I want to accomplish. Yet because of my inability still to commit, I left it at that. If the above is all I achieve, I’ve achieved it all.

I’ve spoken to several people after me who have been traumatized by the healthcare system. Traumatized in ways that isn’t the logo’s promoted for these services. Humanity.

There isn’t anything humane in treating people, patients so minimally that they feel worse after seeing you than they did when they sought your help. I don’t know for certain if it was the CDC ruling, or the President declaring an emergency on opioids but I do know for certain that inhumane attitudes, remarks, and accusations is not the definition of humanity.

I would have rather had a physician tell me no, dismiss me not knowing what to do for me than have had them assume I was someone I wasn’t.

I’ve spoken to people who did everything right in their care, for their life, and still everything went wrong. A person who is at the top of the advocacy chain, admired by many, and still was treated so poorly that trauma, PTSD has resulted.

Is there a word, a code, a safe word someone can use when we’re so serious about our pain, state of mind,  or knowing better for ourselves that we’re believed?

There wasn’t for me. I reserved that 10 my entire life. And when I used it I was thrown away.

Now other people are experiencing what I did. Prominent people. The only thing I had done wrong if it was even truly wrong at all was self medicate with alcohol after the facts, amidst the denials, delays, and incompetence. This person doesn’t do any of that.

My road is still long but I see an ending for it. I have a long way to go in healing but I know I will. I still have the diseases, syndromes and so forth but because I was blessed with MLT and my own determination, I’m alive.

I’m listening to the NERVEmber posts and as much video as I can grab before my comp shuts down from trying and I hear the people talk about their much needed, lifetime care.

I don’t have that.

Imagine a world with no care from western medicine for whatever reason because it doesn’t matter why. Just imagine you on your own for your life. For your pain relief and your well being. From your symptoms and your uncertainty.

If you can you might understand me. Because I’ve gone through it, I understand you.

It may have taken you a moment to feel me and why I fell so hard, but you do know now because you’ve went there too.

After my decline I asked for 1 year. 1 year to heal myself, progress, find me, learn me.

I thought I would be good a year later.  While my year began October 24, 2016 in a sense it begins toward the end of January of 2017.

It may not seem it from onlookers, but i have come far physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

I wanted to try to find my way back into some advocacy. for 2018. I don’t know yet.

I’m not certain yet because it isn’t always over when we want it to be. Sometimes it takes a lifetime.

All I know for sure is that I’ve been through and overcome obstacles that many believe aren’t possible.

Stronger Than Pain – Kurtis Ozra VanFleet

Medtronic INC

Arisen Strength – Shane Schulz

Gohl Method – Arik Gohl

You’re my only commitments.

I’ll try for you.

I start off slow and end big each and every day because I reach a new tomorrow.

That goal is my only priority. My ID isn’t just RsdCrpsFire for the fire of CRPS/RSD. It’s symbolic in living, thriving, the fires that be within ourselves. Passion. There’s always a duality in me.

I currently can’t talk right and for those who understood why I couldn’t 2 years ago, you might understand now. Otherwise, I won’t be sharing why.  Let me just say that if I do any voice, phone calls or videos that I’ll have a lisp. My sound, voice and speech will be altered. I’m okay with it. I have to be. This video doesn’t contain that problem.

Enough said. x