Right now last year husband was coming out of his 3rd heart attack. 2 weeks ago he survived his 4th. Quadruple bypass open heart surgery December 2012. Upon the 3rd last November we learned 2 of the bypassed were destroyed. 2 were saved with Stents again. Less than a year between 3 and 4. Another Stent was placed. 

Here I am, fairly screwed again by my own body, and a caregiver. I’m suppose to owe you, what? You’d never ever let my husband or I tell you what to do with your lives, yet you think….?

NO..

I lost it. In what I thought was a voice message to my mom in the midst of “Please God” went out as Facebook live. Mama never saw. Our niece did. His niece. She sent my husbands sister and niece as if he would die. 

They came. Thank you. No heart attack. My emotions though? They left. I went to sleep in the car. A few hours later he did have the heart attack. 

I’m not sure how to ….

I only know…That

If he wanted me owned by someone else????

Be mad all you want to, he’s still waiting to see how much you love him…

That’s what flips my shit.

No don’t want to be friends.