October was heavy, November ends. In the 10th month my cousin died of a painful blood disorder, my nephew was killed in a car accident, Dr. Earl Bakken passed away, my 50th birthday came and vanished, we attended my nephews funeral the following morning and that same evening my husband of 32 years had his 4th heart attack. Could there be more? There was.

My husband had just become a permanent employee at the company he temped for the previous 5 months on October 1st. His heart attack was the 27th, his company health insurance didn’t take effect until November  2nd. 
We applied for a one time pharmacy assistance program that allowed us to leave the hospital with all 10 of his medications. S thankful. As far as the hospital bill itself, I’m not sure yet if we also qualified for the hospital assistance program.

He was able to return to work a week later. 

We received the results of his follow up Echocardiogram. He also has heart failure in addition to the diabetes and years of coronary heart disease. He was diagnosed with the heart disease and diabetes during his first heart attack at 37 years old. Diagnosed with chronic pain syndrome 3 or so years ago among others.

Upper his meds to try to strengthen his heart. Really all they can do. 

December will be a year since I cracked the back of my ankle on my CRPS foot. That set my own progress back, yet I continue to move forward in my perception of pain, how I perceive it or even talk about it. I quit using my breathing machine nearly a year ago. Trying to do all I can for myself naturally still since I’m not in the care of any physician. I take so many suppliments daily. Burdock root is next on my list. 

It’s been raining for days. Love the rain, I find it cleansing yet I already look forward to spring and summer so that I can use my little pool again for physical therapy. 

2 weeks off Facebook tonight. 🙂

Happy Friday!

Make Better A Priority

Photo never shared.

Ozra Ft. Nenaa Better Half, California Dreamin’ +

On October 14, 2018, a Pain care advocate since his youth debut as a performer in Sacramento California.

He also was ESAD Emergency State Active Duty for several California Fires

Search Kurtis Ozra in any digital markets




For me, the days after is better than the day of. Today is Turkey Avacado Subs. Bacon on it would have been amazing, yet that’ll be left to our imaginations. Bacon and high fat foods are no no’s for us. Many of the diets people use for weightloss such as Atkins and Keto also increase heart disease, and of course cholesteral. 

Many years ago, my husband and I both did Atkins, we both lost an incredible amount of weight. As I reflect back the only good part of the program was the induction phase, and removal of sugar. 
Glad we stopped that. No telling extra damage. I’m adverse at times. I create solutions also. I don’t rely on anyone else.

Fat will kill us, whether we’re putting it in our bodies, or are carrying it on our bodies.

Food itself isn’t even clean anymore. Everything contains high amounts of fats, and sugars, preservatives. Canned foods are preserved with detrimental amounts of elements, especially when consumed daily, weekly. Fast food is artery clogging. 

It hasn’t been easy per se to cook decent food, yet it’s been my mission to do my best for us. 

Turkey is an approved food for heart disease and diabetes especially when there’s little to no risk for Salmonella or contamination. There’s always a risk though. Scary.

Sadly, we all risk our lives just to eat in order to sustain life. 

Cooking off the carcus tomorrow, Turkey Soup.



He has the games on, I have the Turkey in. The only thing I know about Football is when he tells me it’s either time to woot and clap or yell foul obscenities. True story. 

I’m thinking about something else that’s confusing and which no doctor can answer. My husband has never had high blood pressure. Not even through any of the heart problems yet he’s been diagnosed with hypertension and takes Lisinopril and another combination medication for high blood pressure too. His BP is often 100 – 110/, which we’ve been told is optimal. So my wonder is, is it for maintenance and prevention of simply because having high blood pressure is a risk or is it just part of an automatic regimen.

I can’t figure it out. Too low can be dangerous too. 

Well it’s a good day. I hope yours is too. 

If you enjoy Football 🏈 try not to let it raise your anxiety. 🙂 


Just a couple of years ago, I was on higher Lipitor than my husband. I was on higher Lisinopril with Hydralazine back up for BP 180 +. 

If you can’t tell why that’s so high? If all you can do is tell me I’m headed for heart attack, mostly Stroke, and then give me those meds? Bye bye bitch. Offensive? Pre diabetic too. Wtfe. 

I don’t take that shit either. Jajaja. 

When pain care was halted? I halted preventative maintenance? 

Understand? Cover your ass,

While I cover mine.

Rainy Day

First rain for us here in Sacramento. Hope it’s reaching Paradise and each of the California fires. Our air quality has been at dangerous levels. Imagining those in it is heart breaking. Family lost their homes and friends of family lost theirs too. 

Plans for this weekend and the upcoming week is getting 3 topics ready to share. MLT, Kratom, and Kurtis Ozra Music. 

MLT is a treatment I attended that changed my life during detrimental times that includes a post protocol I was taught based on my own issues. Kratom is an alternative to maintaining pain reduction and Ozra’s Music is our sons lyrical and performance endeavors. 

Spoke to our daughter Rikki for some time today. Plan to FaceTime with her tomorrow. 

My husbands blood work has come back. Most is fairly good, considering. Upping his Lipitor. 2 other medications have already been increased. Results from his ECHO from the 18th will be learned next week. 

As far as myself, I’m well enough. Turkey dinner is still on. 

There’s always something to be thankful for. 

Pre Thanksgiving

Getting ready to cook our Turkey on Thursday. It’ll just be him and I. Kharisma is going to her boyfriends grandmas, our Rikki moved to Texas over a year ago, second Thanksgiving without her, and Ozra works. My niece Krissy invited us over, grateful, yet want to make us dinner here instead.

I can’t make us a full spread, but I can accomplish the awesome basics. Yum!

He has a 4 day weekend. So excited to have him home. 

I haven’t spent much time blogging and so much of what I had been sharing here last year ended up solely on Facebook. Perception fuels negative reality as much as it can secure a positive one.

Oddly perhaps, I always feel more peaceful when I shut FB down. On the other hand there’s further isolation, extended social anxiety. I’ve had Generalized Anxiety for years. Social continues to grow as compared to just a few years ago. 

I had always had a knack for writing, public speaking. Pieces and Poetry. Writers block. 

It occurred to me that each time I’ve ever deactivated Facebook was this same time each year. 

Seasonal depression (with MDD in the background, pain disorders, +) that includes new current events each time. 

Where will I go from here?


Happy Thanksgiving. 

32 years, us.

Right now last year husband was coming out of his 3rd heart attack. 2 weeks ago he survived his 4th. Quadruple bypass open heart surgery December 2012. Upon the 3rd last November we learned 2 of the bypassed were destroyed. 2 were saved with Stents again. Less than a year between 3 and 4. Another Stent was placed. 

Here I am, fairly screwed again by my own body, and a caregiver. I’m suppose to owe you, what? You’d never ever let my husband or I tell you what to do with your lives, yet you think….?


I lost it. In what I thought was a voice message to my mom in the midst of “Please God” went out as Facebook live. Mama never saw. Our niece did. His niece. She sent my husbands sister and niece as if he would die. 

They came. Thank you. No heart attack. My emotions though? They left. I went to sleep in the car. A few hours later he did have the heart attack. 

I’m not sure how to ….

I only know…That

If he wanted me owned by someone else????

Be mad all you want to, he’s still waiting to see how much you love him…

That’s what flips my shit.

No don’t want to be friends.