Pain is overrated,

Pain is underrated,

Pain is misstated,

Pain is subjugated.


Pain is subjective,

Pain is protective,

Pain is deceiving,

Pain is objective.


Pain is loving,

Pain is restless,

Pain is heartless,

Pain is breathless.


Pain is productive,

Pain is weakness,

Pain is strength,

Pain is forgiveness.


Pain is reminders,

Pain is blinders,

Pain is reckless,

Pain isn’t faithless.


Pain is teaching,

Pain is reaching,

Pain is giving,

Pain is receiving.


Pain is passion,

Pain is purpose,

Pain is humble,

Pain is service.

© 2017 Twinkle VanFleet. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized duplication prohibited. Copyright Laws and Regulations of the United States

Sharing permitted without alteration.


The Rink

It’s been nearly 4 months since I first started the Gohl Program and underwent Manual Ligament Therapy (MLT) developed by Arik Gohl. You can check out my Case Study Documentation or my uncut documented sessions at Gohl Program TV on YouTube.

I had never skated with my 11 year old grandson. My own son who’ll turn 20 next month has no recollection of ever experiencing anything like that with me. I did take him when he was 2 and his sisters were pre teens, but only I have that memory for him. Ozra was 3 when the injury happened that led to my CRPS. Our girls were 11 and 12.

Night before last we went to pick up our grandson and we went skating. Next time it will be both he and Ozra with our girls, and a few others.

We shared on Facebook Live where I did fall in front of everyone, and I did get back up to try again. Here we are, hand in hand, (Pink blouse up against rail).

I never made it around the rink, but I made it onto the rink several times. I watched as people did all the things I once could also. Speed skate, skate backwards, dance skate. I use to love playing red light green light.

I might not be able to do any of those again, but one day, I will make it around the rink at least once.

No inline skating for me, not now, sometimes you have to start with 4 wheels.

Without MLT this would have never been possible.





Making and Breaking Habits

According to Dr. Candace Pert, Ph.D. “our physical body can be changed by the emotions we experience”.

Image Source: Slate – Quora

Imagine pain accompanied by negative emotions. It’s a vicious cycle. Stress instigates physical pain and physical pain complicates stress.

If we can replace a bad habit with a new good habit and form a parallel pattern that doesn’t trigger stress we can replace and reset our own ability to break or make a habit well.

Physical pain becomes a habit. We didn’t intentionally cause it, yet many other habits aren’t based on intent either they are learned responses, learned helplessness. Behaviors and habits formed by pain can be difficult to overcome.

Habits are much easier to form than they are to break. Repeating any adverse behavior often enough results in a habitual process and synaptic pathways become worn.

Our brains are most adaptive and change is possible.

Twinkle VanFleet, GohlProgram

MLT and Stretching

Babies – Hands on

21 days to make or break a habit?



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Celebrating Life

Spent the night at our son and daughters last night. Wanted to help get a few things ready for our grandson’s sleep-over tonight. A mix of school friends and cousin’s. My girls have stayed in touch with their own childhood friends so ‘Tai has family he came up with regardless of blood.

He’s our only grandchild. Kharisma has never had anymore kids, and Rikki hasn’t ever had one. My daughters for some reason don’t have their “girl thing” but once or twice a year at best. Kind of funny in that all the doctors ask them why. How are they suppose to know?

I can still remember back to when I was going to have a baby for my aunt because she couldn’t conceive. We started planning that. It may have been the release of stress, or simply a blessing because once we did, she became pregnant. She did pass away when their only son was a young one.

In a week I’ll be on only a single medication. Just 1. Nuvigil for Narcolepsy/sleep disorders. I’m not sure if I can let this one go. I love being awake, but I’m already asleep/wake even with it.

I’ve been trying to stay out of politics. Years ago I was active writing for the Independent Opinion on a variety of current event topics. I still have most of those old articles and am considering posting them.

Sometimes we fail to merge all of us, what we do or what we’ve done from one community to the other. For me, it’s time that it’s all okay to do so. There isn’t anything I’ve ever done wrong. I’m just diverse. And with that there isn’t any reason why I shouldn’t other than someone else’s perception of any given thing.

A week before I went to Tennessee my daughter gave me some pants. For about 14 of the 16 years with CRPS I didn’t wear anything denim anymore on my legs. I forced myself into changing that about 2 years or so ago. I did well enough, but I had to keep doing it to get there.

2 of the 3 pair she gave me fit. The other I left at her house because I couldn’t get them on comfortably. A few days after I asked my husband to grab them the next time he was over there, he did. My mom gave me some when we were together and I couldn’t get them on right. The one’s from Rikki are on now. Woot. This means in a couple of weeks the ones from mom will be too.

Of course there’s depression in knowing my body is curving (not the good curves) because I felt it doing so and being caught up in the CDC implementation of those Guidelines prevented healthcare from believing me. We were all just seekers or whiners. I’m trying to embrace it but the fact of the matter is I’m still pissed.

It doesn’t do a thing knowing that one day, after coming so far out of the trenches of pain and weakness that I’ll be there again.

Telling myself don’t go to bed, don’t sleep the rest of your life away, don’t isolate again because of something you’re not ready to handle, but instead get a grip on it for the here and now.

The hardest part I suppose is being better right now and thinking of when that time comes, I’ve let everyone down.

I feel like a wolf who’s been teased with a piece of meat, and if I can feel that way, my family will too when it’s taken away.

Today I’m celebrating life.




Highs and Lows

I reactivated Facebook and my posts were all positive highs. My lows would come eventually and they did. 4 days ago I began weaning myself from the 30 of Cymbalta to 15, I had already reduced from 60 to 30. I’ll never know until I’m completely off of it again if my choice to do so can be a positive outcome. After more than a half dozen times in less than 2 years of abrupt discontinuation and what the brain itself goes through just to get through it, I have no idea if I’ll ever be what I was before ever starting it over a decade ago. Perhaps I should not have allowed anyone to put me back on it for nerve damage/depression after I was off it for nearly 6 months in 2016. Cymbalta is a Selective Serotonin Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitor.

When we consider that the chemicals in our brains are altered by the use of these medications, common sense dictates an effect, adverse or otherwise, when removing them from our bodies. The natural chemicals have to work again, or not. It’s not so simple, but it’s understood.

My husband has been in failing health for years. Finally, I think he’s taken to heart the importance of what he can do for himself with or without myself to prevent further illness and even restore that which has already declined.

Sometimes it’s takes doing something profound to make a profound difference. ~Twinkle EKV

Don’t worry my friends it may seem like something is wrong but on the contrary everything is quite right or where it should be right now.

I promised my kids that if I ever felt like going where I had before, I’d do one thing. I did. I kept that promise and they kept theirs. That’s reestablishing trust and commitment.

I’m a little too smart, and a little too dumb to let an opportunity to help someone else pass us by. That’s okay because I love being both.

If I stopped talking about it all the purpose in the purpose itself would fade. That would mean that there would be no impact to make to show people they can physically heal, and when they heal, those emotions can also.

Somebody asked me if I still have a job..

Yes I do,

Until I don’t.


Image Source: Manifestation Divine