Spent the night at our son and daughters last night. Wanted to help get a few things ready for our grandson’s sleep-over tonight. A mix of school friends and cousin’s. My girls have stayed in touch with their own childhood friends so ‘Tai has family he came up with regardless of blood.

He’s our only grandchild. Kharisma has never had anymore kids, and Rikki hasn’t ever had one. My daughters for some reason don’t have their “girl thing” but once or twice a year at best. Kind of funny in that all the doctors ask them why. How are they suppose to know?

I can still remember back to when I was going to have a baby for my aunt because she couldn’t conceive. We started planning that. It may have been the release of stress, or simply a blessing because once we did, she became pregnant. She did pass away when their only son was a young one.

In a week I’ll be on only a single medication. Just 1. Nuvigil for Narcolepsy/sleep disorders. I’m not sure if I can let this one go. I love being awake, but I’m already asleep/wake even with it.

I’ve been trying to stay out of politics. Years ago I was active writing for the Independent Opinion on a variety of current event topics. I still have most of those old articles and am considering posting them.

Sometimes we fail to merge all of us, what we do or what we’ve done from one community to the other. For me, it’s time that it’s all okay to do so. There isn’t anything I’ve ever done wrong. I’m just diverse. And with that there isn’t any reason why I shouldn’t other than someone else’s perception of any given thing.

A week before I went to Tennessee my daughter gave me some pants. For about 14 of the 16 years with CRPS I didn’t wear anything denim anymore on my legs. I forced myself into changing that about 2 years or so ago. I did well enough, but I had to keep doing it to get there.

2 of the 3 pair she gave me fit. The other I left at her house because I couldn’t get them on comfortably. A few days after I asked my husband to grab them the next time he was over there, he did. My mom gave me some when we were together and I couldn’t get them on right. The one’s from Rikki are on now. Woot. This means in a couple of weeks the ones from mom will be too.

Of course there’s depression in knowing my body is curving (not the good curves) because I felt it doing so and being caught up in the CDC implementation of those Guidelines prevented healthcare from believing me. We were all just seekers or whiners. I’m trying to embrace it but the fact of the matter is I’m still pissed.

It doesn’t do a thing knowing that one day, after coming so far out of the trenches of pain and weakness that I’ll be there again.

Telling myself don’t go to bed, don’t sleep the rest of your life away, don’t isolate again because of something you’re not ready to handle, but instead get a grip on it for the here and now.

The hardest part I suppose is being better right now and thinking of when that time comes, I’ve let everyone down.

I feel like a wolf who’s been teased with a piece of meat, and if I can feel that way, my family will too when it’s taken away.

Today I’m celebrating life.