Bracelets; Lockdown; Profound and Letdown

Cross-posted from February 19 at 12:43pm

In the early evening of Valentines Day, February 14, 16, I was placed in handcuffs in front of my residence and transferred to ‪#‎MethodistHospital‬ psychiatric hold where I got to come home the evening of February 16th Initially, I was being transferred to another facility for a 72 hour hold and evaluation after the Dr. said I wasn’t a threat to others, but I was to myself. Upon re evaluation the afternoon of the 16th, the doctor via tele medicine (Robot) allowed me to go home. The bruises on my body (severe) are not self inflicted, but are the consequences of my actions. After being denied 2 types of medications I’ve been on over 10 years (non opioid, anti-depressent/nerve pain and an anticonvulsent, 2 others removed entirely and abruptly January 2015 and reduced from 90 to 30 on Cymbalta at the same time, being continuously delayed, denied, retaking these 2, being denied again, going through the withdrawals over and over and knowing how many of you go through the same or similar, I began to crack. Days prior I filed the appeal, the next day I sought psych help from one of my providers, but was never contacted back. Valentines day started beautifully. My husband set up our patio, and have a vase of flowers for me, coffee and it was peaceful. When I woke that morning, he said “don’t go back” referring to the bedroom. He said” close your eyes” I did. He led me to the patio, the best gift I could have been given. As the early afternoon and sunshine made it’s way in, I was updating hand notes previously taken on a legislative conference to send as minutes. I was listening to music. My emotions began to rise. I was upset that I couldn’t be there for Barby in the loss of her dad, or my mom who’s doing all she can to keep her heart beating, or my dad, or my children, even my sister. I saw that denial letter again as I was highlighting the inaccuracies it contained. I tossed back a 200 ml bottle of vodka. To be specific the $1.99 bottle of Tamiroff (the cheap crap) 40% alcohol by volume. It wasn’t the cause of my actions, but it was the liquid courage to tell it how it was and how it shouldn’t be, however misplaced. I remembered what WC took from me, what I was manipulated into 14 years ago. Something that even possibility, chance or a cure can never bring back and I realized how absolutely stupid I was to listen to my health team at the time. See? I’ve learned and I’ve grown since then and while now I have to tread carefully, I refuse to shut up for me, or for you. And I remember that when my case was initially force closed in 2003, I asked for 1 thing. Just one, and whether my 3 know that or not, I submitted it in writing. I asked for them to apologize to my children.

They’re still waiting

I stood in the street and screamed everything we go through. ‪#‎Chronic‬, ‪#‎IntractabIe‬ ‪#‎Pain‬, ‪#‎CRPS‬, ‪#‎DWC‬ ‪#‎California‬ ‪#‎MTUS‬, denials and delays, I screamed that if you take an opioid, tomorrow you’re defined an addict If you have a drink, guess what? Now you’re an alcoholic. I screamed that records should be maintained accurately and that I was DONE! With irresponsible people fucking up responsible lives. Was my act responsible? Perhaps not, but the cause and reason was.

My tongue was foul.

When I attempted to advocate for myself, speak of compassion and understanding, humanizing people for all, and reveal what I do and that I wasn’t blind to it all, I was considered hallucinating, fabricating, making it up, laughed at, demeaned and ridiculed. Being kind, caring, loving, understanding, respectful, honest, and trustworthy has got me no where. Incline my head to the higher ups as if they’re right, when really I just don’t have the guts to advocate on my own behalf and tell them they’re wrong.

A person (and patient) who’s done everything right has labeled me, defined me, and stigmatized me as someone who’s wrong and who’s done everyone wrong.
They wouldn’t even give me my SCS controller to turn off my stim. Flat increases stimulation. The nurse tried to give me some line about, not right now, she didn’t know what I was talking about, so I tried to tell her. Being dismissed from that made me see even more red, I called her stupid and told her to f off. Then I apologized because even in my upset state, I had the mind to know it really wasn’t her fault, she was just ignorant and uneducated.

I won’t be tolerating inaccuracies in records, healthcare or otherwise. I won’t be tolerating patients not being able to add note to correct the record. I won’t be hiding away under the blankets anymore, while people create their reports to satisfy their own job criteria, yet leave out pertinent information. I’ll be up to make sure you know you better get it right. And that people deserve truth about all else.

I’ll be sharing this story in it’s entirety, there’s so much more than this. My records, PRIUM, tox screen, etc are being sent to the International Pain Foundation. Via iPain someone gets the exclusive. I’ll decide free or fee. Oh and I got on the inside in all of it, now I know what goes on behind those scenes and those doors. I supposedly blew a high alcohol level. But here’s the deal. The bottle is still the same bottle it can’t magically become something else. The amount my body took in wasn’t more than that, I’m 200 pounds, so go figure. I’ve saved that little bottle as a souvenir. Excuses? Not at all. I’m not proud, but nor am I ashamed. My transparency will bring me back up, enough to prove, I haven’t lied, fabricated and I wasn’t on any illicit or illegal drugs which no one believed either.

On the contrary, the truth I’ve told and will tell
Will become me

(This is my #FightSong

… Take back my life song)

If I gave anything that night, I gave 2 things.

1. On command I removed my hands from my mama’s jacket pockets and complied without incident to place my hands behind my back. ‪#‎SacramentoSheriffsDepartment‬. Everyone should do the same in all situations.

2. I’ve given all of you the rest of my life; the one I can’t go back on.
My name is now associated with defiance and lock down.

Nothing else was considered
Sleep disorders, narcoleptic episodes
CSA (my brain doesn’t send the signals to my body to breathe)
Myoclonia
Withdrawal (probably over that by now, but the effects I’m still dealing with)
CRPS (Flare) + and an altered brain from the last 13 months of continuous WC hell.
CRPS (secondary depression, anxiety disorders, PTSD x 2 (diagnosed)

(excluded are internal diagnosis’)

My medication list has been updated each and every time I’m seen by my physicians. Yet, my discharge shows I’m on 11 meds, including Butrans, 5 and 10, a benzo and others. I’m on Lisinopril 1 x a.m, Atorvastatin 1 x p.m, Hydralazine as needed only, BP 180/+, Nuvigil daily, and BuTrans Patch/wk. ‪#‎DignityHealth‬ is linked to all my doctors. The hospital is part of Dignity Health. What’s the point of the EMR, PMP, PDMP or even a computer if it’s not properly used?

Understand why I kept saying “I’m fucking done” I’m done doesn’t equal I’m going to kill myself. I’m over it, doesn’t mean it either. I don’t want to be here doesn’t either. What they all are is some else’s perception and reality I could fart and my son would throw up his hands and say “I’m done!”

Check it out.. My voice will carry, I have the guts to say it, open eyes and touch hearts, contribute to change, maybe not for me, but hopefully for someone else

If I killed myself, I wouldn’t get to say it, now would I?

I’m sure they gave me Cymbalta, Zonegran and Hydralazine in the lockdown. I wasn’t suppose to be given any of those. Only Lisinopril and the Statin. No wonder my head hurts.

I have no regrets
I pray you don’t either.

To be continued…

Sincerely,
Twinkle VanFleet,
Advocacy Director, Healthcare Advisor, Consultant, Speaker, International Pain Foundation (iPain) powerofpain.org/leader-directory

Medtronic Ambassador medtronic.com tamethepain.com
Cureclick Ambassador cureclick.com trialreach.com
SPPAN leader http://sppan.aapainmanage.org
Legislative policy leader
Founder- CRPSA

TwinkleV Feb 23 2016 2

Twinkle V. February 23, 2016

“When no one else believes in you…
.. You better!” ~T

On the 29th of January, I put in for my Cymbalta (30, 1x) and Zonegran (100, 2 x). I went to my grandson’s 10th birthday party yesterday (sick) but I played it like it was something else, I played it off so good and to the point of… shrugs. Yah, slam dunk withdrawal again. Pharmacy kept telling me my doc hadn’t refilled. (A lie) If you didn’t know the truth, say you don’t know. Today I get a letter in the mail from PRIUM. Cymbalta and Zonegran denied. Last January, 13 months ago, I was removed from 2 other medications entirely (one of which was Lidoderm) and reduced from 90 to 30 Cymbalta. I tried. I faked it to make it and I prayed it and played it. but was slipping harder than anyone could ever see, . There’s 1 med left and I know it’s next. Nearly every month I’m delayed, the months I’m not delayed by days, I am by weeks. I’m sure my brain is fried by now. I’m sick all the time from abrupt discontinuation, to trying to re stabilize after getting back on, to slam dunked again. Over and over and over. Those medications aren’t suppose to be slam dunked off of. They aren’t suppose to be abruptly discontinued. They are suppose to be weaned off to prevent seizures and adverse affects that can in some cases include death. Their letter is a lie, it contradicted 12 months ago where it did indicate Cymbalta and Zonegran and now says the CA MTUS doesn’t indicate for the treatment of neuropathic pain. (wrong). It also said because I’ve been treating with a dentist and was ON Norco 5/325 that the Cymbalta and Zonegran didn’t keep me OFF OPIOIDS. A fucking lie. As of the date of that letter. I had 3 dentist appointments. And I suffered and declined med, even tho I took some. I also got permission from my PMD prior to ever getting an RX , filling it or taking it. I have not asked for 1 single extra pill and I didn’t even fill the Rx I had for days later. But know what? It’s a done deal now. TOWER ENERGY GROUP – SCOTT CORNWELL ADJUSTER ARROWPOINT CAPITAL. You might want to get your facts right. You expect us to have ours accurate, yes? Let me see here in 1 year approximately $15,000 a year in medication management times 81 years of age. I’m still only 47. I got your game, you better get mine, too.

This letter said that I failed Lyrica and Neurontin (the reason it now says NO to Zonegran, but that I didn’t fail Carbamazepine or Lamotrigine. You got me stuck on stupid. For real? drugscom says make sure to tell your doctor if you have heart disease, high blood pressure, high cholesterol or triglycerides;
liver or kidney disease; ALL OF THE ABOVE. I get it, compromise one side for the other right? Which really means lower your spending. Sorry idiots, I settled for lifetime medical and didn’t take your money. Go on keep punishing me. Neither of these are NOT indicated for me. I didn’t appeal your last denials (January 2015) and I’m not appealing these either. Oh and by the way, next time you put bull shit in my letters, CA fail first/step therapy REFER TO AB 374 and know that if you’re going to quote taking and failing, you better also note all else that goes with it.

Because I think you failed something else…

Yourselves!

The Travesty of Delays- California Workers’ Compensation SB 863 and AB 1124

https://www.facebook.com/notes/twinkle-vanfleet/the-travesty-of-delays-california-workers-compensation-sb-863-and-ab-1124/10153777634894774

CRPS/RSD and Suicide

https://rsdadvisory.com/2013/05/05/crpsrsd-and-suicide/

January 28 at 11:48am

@CDCgov ‪#‎CDC‬ ‪#‎BSC‬ ‪#‎NCIPC‬ RE: Today’s CDC Public Hearing

I would like to offer that in conversation this last week with Dr. Kolodny and others who advocate against the use of opioid pain care that I attempted to stress the importance of responsibility and education in stating that ”

“So much time proving how bad opioids are when we could have been educating, teaching personal responsibility.” (Twitter only allows so many characters)

A direct reply and quote from Dr. Kolodny

“Education & “teaching personal responsibility” will not make opioids less addictive or more effective.”

Already in today’s call responsibility has been spoken of as well as education several times. He came on and mentioned Guiding physicians. Isn’t guiding educating?

Other therapies can potentially be more harmful, anti depressants, anti seizure medications for the treatment of chronic pain, such as Cymbalta,
Neurontin, Nortriptyline, Amtriptolyne and similar medications also have misuse and abuse potential. When there is misuse, abuse and Overdose is already likely. Surgical intervention is contraindicated in patients with nerve damage, neuropathies, CRPS/RSD. Some of these opioid overdoses were in part due to other medications, mixtures and alcohol, not solely opioid. Integrated and functional restoration programs are important, but few insurances at all, cover them.

Can we try not to stress the decline in white people falling to addiction, when we didn’t seem to be as concerned about blacks, or minorities. many were like, oh well, let them kill themselves, calling them stupid. We’re your kids stupid? I think not. I find it disheartening.
People were people all along. Also personal responsibility is directly related to opioid overdoses. If these children or adults didn’t understand the risk, or what the medication may cause, then education was absolutely necessary by parents, family and spouses first and foremost before the medical community. It becomes a mutual responsibility. Not only the doctor who prescribed it.

If they can’t stop, it’s our responsibility to intervene on their behalf. and attempt to save their lives before it’s too late.

Pain is physical, and pain is emotional. Physical pain seeks quality of life, the emotional pain, those against opioid’s seek comfort for
their loss. Pain doesn’t discriminate.

Physiology also plays a major role in this topic. Lets not sacrifice people for people. Otherwise unintended consequences become intended
consequences. Responsibility in prescribing isn’t a one way street. We seek out the doctor, they don’t seek us out.

~Twinkle V. / Advocacy Director, International Pain Foundation ‪#‎iPain‬

Mid Metatarsal Separation | Lis Franc Separation

https://rsdadvisory.com/2015/12/21/mid-metatarsal-seperation-lis-franc-seperation/

Chronic pain, opioids, addiction and controversy

https://rsdadvisory.com/2016/01/25/chronic-pain-opioids-addiction-and-controversy/

A Call for Action- 2016

A Call for Action 2016 by Twinkle VanFleet

https://rsdadvisory.com/2015/10/14/a-call-for-action-2016/

Overcoming Challenging Obstacles

Excerpts from, Overcoming Challenging Obstacles by Twinkle VanFleet

https://rsdadvisory.com/2015/11/24/overcoming-challenging-obstacles/

(Several pages and paragraphs not included at this time)

 

Full details of this entire experience soon enough, including photos. —> Media, news, social media, video, radio, and and… and  🙂

 

 

Advertisements

The Body, Mind and Spirit; Humanizing the Soul

The Body, Mind, and Spirit; Humanizing the Soul
By Twinkle VanFleet
I often refer to Quality of Life (QOL) when supporting or opposing legislation and/or certain topics aimed at the chronically ill or intractable pain patient . Quality of life is important! What is it though? I knew what I meant, but did others? Did those people I spent time with exchanging bits and pieces of personal belief and philosophies understand what it really was that I was referring to, or was it simply 3 words that had been tossed around in the vast world of healthcare and patients alike that had just become a more familiar reference term over time?

Somebody understood, someone had already knew precisely what I meant and what I had attempted to relay to others for decades. I didn’t know until after I returned home from being honored with The Bakken Invitation Award which recognizes outstanding contributions of service, volunteerism, and leadership. Each year, selected Honorees earn a $20,000 grant from Medtronic Philanthropy to direct to a charity of their choice. I didn’t realize until I opened one of the books that had been gifted to me as a 2015 Bakken Invitation Honoree by the man who most likely didn’t choose me solely, but who presented it to me at one of my weakest and most vulnerable public moments ever. As I began to read through “One Man’s Full Life” by Earl E. Bakken, co founder of Medtronic, I knew.

I knew that the man who had invented the world’s first wearable battery operated external pacemaker in a garage in northeast Minneapolis while everyone else was recovering from WW2, knew also. There was 46 years between his birth and mine, but someone else understood long before I ever could.

Health Related Quality of Life is the meaningful intent and purpose of giving a part of the self to another. A warm smile, soft caress, compassion. Anyone can want, need or desire quality of life. This quality is based on what we do with our lives, where we want to take it, and if we can sustain that quality we want or crave by what we’ve utilized from all that we have and that which we don’t. It’s really dependent not on the self, but the ego. Upbringing, teachings, education, competition, and lacking commitment to anything or anyone else.

Health Related Quality of Life is what we need to survive. There is no quality of life without a health related quality of life. Health related quality of life had become technology, pills, and sending a person on their way. The real intent of health related quality of life is the human experience. Humanizing patients will help their mind and spirit overcome challenges in the body.

Shrug someone off, remove their dignity, you also remove the very reason for fighting against disease and pain that our own minds already know how to achieve. Our mind is part of our brain it isn’t the brain itself. It’s our conscious, and sometimes unconscious being, yet never the less our higher being, our spirit. Break the spirit, you will break the body. Liven the mind and the spirit, you induce a will to “be“.

All these years, all the doctors and medical professionals, some my own physicians, others colleagues, above me in degrees, educational establishments, influence, and knowledge. I knew I knew, but now it was validated by a man who’s invented, done and given more in his lifetime than anyone else I could ever come to know.

It doesn’t take a degree to “get it“. All it’s ever taken is an understanding and belief in the human spirit and what it’s truly capable of, if not thrown away. I think I’m finally proud enough to say with my head held high, instead of my eyes lowered, that I don’t have a degree, I didn’t attend any fancy universities, I’m certainly not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I am brighter than the average bear. This is all I was ever suppose to be. All I was meant to do is validate those who came before me for those who come after me.

We’ve become a world that belittles at the first opportunity and blames others for what’s in our own power to change or make better. Instead, a people who hold back because they think they lack worth. You’re worth it, I promise! Some are still trying to teach it, still trying to proffer care in kindness and mercy above and beyond themselves, opening eyes and fluttering hearts, enlightening those who haven’t quite seen the light yet.

It doesn’t take a degree to be enlightened above the self and know a little better than the one‘s who tell you, you don‘t..

All it takes is a little faith.

Honorees with Medtronic Dr. Earl Bakken

 

To be continued

First Week of February 2016 – And in Memory of Jim Ingle

 

My block helped nearly 2 weeks. I had the Lumbar Sympathetic Nerve block on January 28, 2016.  I had a reduction from a really hard 8 going in for the procedure to a 4 until a couple of days ago when it started creeping back up. L3 and L4 this time instead of L2 and L4. I was so grateful for this. That’s 40-50 percent of reduced symptoms. When I left to receive that amazing award my medication had been delayed yet again. I was a week without already. My block only covered my right lower extremity so 4 means only that which was blocked. I’m still working on a post to share the Bakken Invitation Award experience. I almost left it all behind and I almost didn’t make it through once there, but I did, and I did. The block eased the flare I left in and came home with, allowed extra midnight snacks for the man, dinners, cleaning, sharing, a little catching up. That really is everything it could have been. I don’t count what I didn’t get from the block, I consider each symptom I get relief from. That allows me an over all number, fairly. I tend to be conservative with the pain scale. The time it lasted wasn’t what my insurance wants to approve it again, but it lasted long enough that I could catch my breath again. Since many don’t want anyone on pain reliever, options are minimal for most of us. Not every option is available in every area and not every option is covered by insurance, therefor, we’re stuck in a trap. I’ve already fallen twice in the last couple of weeks. Staying up on my legs is becoming a another risk. I take so much Ibuprofen for inflammation no wonder my liver is a mess and I need to water my kidney’s in excess to keep them flushed due to diminished function. I didn’t get back on my medication until the 10th day and the night after returning.  Had I not been in a flare, or medication delayed, my block may have helped better. The body trying to recover itself from a sudden change and in a sense shock. The inflammation and swelling was horrible. I had my mouth repaired soon after my block. Still a process there. I didn’t have the grafting done even though the bone damage in my face is an issue, too. I fell asleep 4 times today, just worn. I’m charging my SCS right now, so that I can give me a nice goose me up and numb me down.

Movie time.

February 4, 2016

I fell asleep before posting last evening and woke to learn of a heartbreaking loss.

It is with great sadness that Mr. Jim Ingle, Barby Ingle ‘s dad passed away this morning. Without Mr. Ingle, the International Pain Foundation (Power of Pain) wouldn’t exist. He lost his battle waiting on a kidney transplant and other life saving procedures. He fought for himself to the last second, reaching his son’s home in his own vehicle, even after crashing it, where he passed away with his son and first responders before ever reaching the hospital. Mr. Ingle didn’t have a phone to call for his own help, the family was trying to have it replaced promptly which also never happened in time.

Photo is Mr. Ingle presenting the Melanie McDowell Award to Dale Lehn 2008 recipient.

The Power of Pain Foundation (International Pain Foundation) presents the Melanie McDowell Pain Awareness and Advocacy Award annually. The recipient is a pain patient or provider who has demonstrated outstanding commitment to assisting and advocating for people with neuropathy pain conditions. Nominations are solicited in the pain community for people who are making a significant contribution within the field of research, education, awareness, or patient assistance. http://powerofpain.org/mcdowell-advocacy-award/

My heart breaks for Barby, and her siblings, who also lost their mom last year. I’m so grateful that I’ve been apart of IPF POP long enough to have been on conference calls with the man himself. Godspeed Sir. Thank you for all you’ve given, all you’ve fought for and for starting this organization in honor of his daughter Barby and memory of Melanie.

 

Jim Ingle preseting the 1st Melanie McDowell Award to Dale Lehn 2008 2016-02-04

Mr. Jim Ingle presenting the Melanie McDowell Pain Awareness and Advocacy Award to Dale Lehn, 2008 recipient.

 

I don’t generally solicit donations, but in honor of the man who not only brought “Power of Pain” to my life via his daughter, but ours, he’s worth it.

http://powerofpain.org/donate-ipain/   A gift can be made in his memory and/or honor – Jim Ingle

Thank you!