09 | January | 2018 | RSD Advisory- Where Chronic Pain & Depression Collide

Stone Cold Sober

I guess I said some thing’s last night
That’s usually in the morning light
I regret it
Like double shots and cigarettes
Said things like
“I love you baby” and
“I know I sound crazy, but let’s just work this out ya and maybe settle down”

I woke up hungover
But still had to call you
‘Cause I just realized girl
That maybe it was all true, yeah

I let the whiskey talk
And baby it said too much
I got the feeling now
It didn’t say enough
‘Cause I’m waking up alone
Missing that midnight kiss
I can’t promise you forever
All I know is I still want you to come over
And I’m stone cold sober

Well I can lie about 99 percent of the time
When I’ve had too much to drink
Yeah I do stupid things

But this time is different
And baby it feels so right
I hope you were listening
To every word I said last night

Yeah I got blood shot eyes (Got blood shot eyes)
But it’s all crystal clear (All crystal clear)
No I don’t need Jim Beam
To know I need you here

Yeah I let the whiskey talk
And baby it said too much
And I got the feeling now
It didn’t say enough
‘Cause I’m waking up alone
Missing that midnight kiss
I can’t promise you forever
All I know is I still want you to come over
Baby all I know is I still need you to come over
And I’m stone cold sober

Yeah baby I’m stone cold sober

Come on over

Stone Cold Sober

(The first step in any recovery is admitting a problem was either.brewing… or….)

As last summer approached I had developed a daily routine, a schedule. I woke early, started chores, prepped dinner, and was in my little kiddie pool by 11:00 a.m. where I did weightless activity in addition to stretching in an attempt to restore bodily function lost over many years.

Dinner was ready and served by 3:30 p.m. on a regular basis and I was in bed early in order to rise early.

I was improving myself in all ways and I knew that if I didn’t put myself first that there wouldn’t be any me, or us.

I’m able to snap to a new situation, adapt, be on top of a crisis. I may not like it, or even want to, but I do.

Upon my husband’s last hospitalization a couple of months ago, I really had to decide how I would manage both of us. I chose him.

He’s lost an incredible amount of weight in just a few months. Coronary Heart Disease, Diabetes, and Chronic Pain Syndrome are his main diagnosis’.

Weight loss isn’t from the illnesses, but from life changes.

He doesnt have CRPS/RSD. There’s a difference between the CRPS and CPS.

He returned to work late August. My schedule and routine was altered in order to coincide with his. I’m usually up in the morning before he is, but not as early as I had been. I’m up when he arrives home from work and I have his dinner hot and ready.

I get a nap each evening between 6-7 p.m. with a little variation and a couple of dozes. Generally by 7:30 p.m. I wake back up and make an espresso. At that time there’s still nearly 4 hours before he gets home.

I still batch cook food to freeze. This affords me a heat and serve night.

I’ve pretty much disconnected myself from people. Places and things remain the same (isolation). Other than painting, playing scrabble, drum, Spanish, and the courses I’m studying from home it’s where I stay.

Last night I was making our dinner. The stove caught on fire.

When he got home less than an hour later, he said ahhh it smells so good. I wanted to smile. Tears started to rain as I told him to go look at the kitchen thinking.he’d be upset.

He came back, hugged me tightly, kissed me and told me I did everything right to put that fire out.

Well shit! I don’t want to know.how to do everything right. I pretend I can. Oh poor whoa is me, right? Nope!

I don’t want to know how to live without him.

And so,

His life remains my priority,

32 years in 5 months.