Clumsy or…

Posted by twinklev

Let’s see how long it takes this time. Early yesterday afternoon I went outside to accept a delivery. I signed for it, received it, and proceeded back inside.

We have a heavy duty steel screen door. I must have swung it too hard behind me to close it before I stepped inside fully and my foot got caught beneath the metal frame and door frame. Ugh at the stinging as I pulled the screen door off my ankle. I wanted to scream, cry and yell out every profanity I knew.

I didn’t do any of them.

I just stood there grabbing the door frame to support my balance until I could make it to the recliner just a few feet away. Pain was loud yet only in my head

I had walked outside in just socks onto the wet pavement.

I didn’t take those socks off or even look and my foot for over an hour after. I had to put myself again directly into the mindset of don’t worry, don’t stress over it, go to your happy places.

I peeled those wet socks off finally.

Dog hair, soggy from outside, yuck.

I did think later, well I won’t be driving to the little store as planned now.

I had re injured myself in May too and fairly badly. I didn’t go get xrays or see a doctor. It took nearly 2 months to fully heal, but I was right on top of it with Epsom soaks, ice, rest and movement. It was the first time in 16 years I had used ice on a CRPS limb. I didn’t really have a choice. Wait! I did. I could have stayed away from the ice and accepted those consequences, too.

I won’t be seeking medical care this time either.

We were invited to dinner with our son and his girl for tonight.

Going.
(The majority of this blog was written yesterday, injury was early on the 11th. Last 2 photos were taken earlier today)

Lazy Day

Posted by twinklev

I slept in late. Meat was in the crock pot by noontime. Will add carrots, potatoes and onion halves in a couple of.hours.

I generally trim any fat off. I left a little on this time to make a natural au jus with it. He can have his tri tip with sides, I’m having a French dip.

Of course any fat will be removed before dinner. Western medicine recommends and is even sometimes adamant about removing salt from our diets, especially for heart health. Please be advised that iodine is an essential element our bodies require for sustainability. Moderation is all we need, ever.

Our daughter and grandson are already on the greyhound to Texas. I’m going to drive to the store just down the street Friday or Saturday. It will be the 4th time I’ve driven over the last year. I’m not skilled for lane changes, abrupt stops or freeways still. Getting myself out even twice a month would be a plus and progress. Continued goals. In person, I’m fairly quiet and to myself. Shocking to some, I’m sure.

This is an otherwise lazy day and I like it.

Movie time.

Stone Cold Sober

Posted by twinklev

Stone Cold Sober

Brantley Gilbert

I guess I said some thing’s last night
That’s usually in the morning light
I regret it
Like double shots and cigarettes
Said things like
“I love you baby” and
“I know I sound crazy, but let’s just work this out ya and maybe settle down”

I woke up hungover
But still had to call you
‘Cause I just realized girl
That maybe it was all true, yeah

I let the whiskey talk
And baby it said too much
I got the feeling now
It didn’t say enough
‘Cause I’m waking up alone
Missing that midnight kiss
I can’t promise you forever
All I know is I still want you to come over
And I’m stone cold sober

Well I can lie about 99 percent of the time
When I’ve had too much to drink
Yeah I do stupid things

But this time is different
And baby it feels so right
I hope you were listening
To every word I said last night

Yeah I got blood shot eyes (Got blood shot eyes)
But it’s all crystal clear (All crystal clear)
No I don’t need Jim Beam
To know I need you here

Yeah I let the whiskey talk
And baby it said too much
And I got the feeling now
It didn’t say enough
‘Cause I’m waking up alone
Missing that midnight kiss
I can’t promise you forever
All I know is I still want you to come over
Baby all I know is I still need you to come over
And I’m stone cold sober

Yeah baby I’m stone cold sober

Come on over

https://youtu.be/kNyeaaHKPPA

Stone Cold Sober

(The first step in any recovery is admitting a problem was either.brewing… or….)

Priorities

Posted by twinklev

As last summer approached I had developed a daily routine, a schedule. I woke early, started chores, prepped dinner, and was in my little kiddie pool by 11:00 a.m. where I did weightless activity in addition to stretching in an attempt to restore bodily function lost over many years.

Dinner was ready and served by 3:30 p.m. on a regular basis and I was in bed early in order to rise early.

I was improving myself in all ways and I knew that if I didn’t put myself first that there wouldn’t be any me, or us.

I’m able to snap to a new situation, adapt, be on top of a crisis. I may not like it, or even want to, but I do.

Upon my husband’s last hospitalization a couple of months ago, I really had to decide how I would manage both of us. I chose him.

He’s lost an incredible amount of weight in just a few months. Coronary Heart Disease, Diabetes, and Chronic Pain Syndrome are his main diagnosis’.

Weight loss isn’t from the illnesses, but from life changes.

He doesnt have CRPS/RSD. There’s a difference between the CRPS and CPS.

He returned to work late August. My schedule and routine was altered in order to coincide with his. I’m usually up in the morning before he is, but not as early as I had been. I’m up when he arrives home from work and I have his dinner hot and ready.

I get a nap each evening between 6-7 p.m. with a little variation and a couple of dozes. Generally by 7:30 p.m. I wake back up and make an espresso. At that time there’s still nearly 4 hours before he gets home.

I still batch cook food to freeze. This affords me a heat and serve night.

I’ve pretty much disconnected myself from people. Places and things remain the same (isolation). Other than painting, playing scrabble, drum, Spanish, and the courses I’m studying from home it’s where I stay.

Last night I was making our dinner. The stove caught on fire.

When he got home less than an hour later, he said ahhh it smells so good. I wanted to smile. Tears started to rain as I told him to go look at the kitchen thinking.he’d be upset.

He came back, hugged me tightly, kissed me and told me I did everything right to put that fire out.

Well shit! I don’t want to know.how to do everything right. I pretend I can. Oh poor whoa is me, right? Nope!

I don’t want to know how to live without him.

And so,

His life remains my priority,

32 years in 5 months.

I Lost My Marbles

Posted by twinklev

But I still have my balls.

Ha!

I use marbles for therapy. I’ve misplaced them. I still have the tennis balls close by. I use the marbles the most for my hands. It really is amazing what we can use for pain relief that might seem a bit silly to some. I use them in different ways for hands, feet and body. To roll out knots, reduce inflammation, promote blood flow and better internal organ function.

The tennis ball techniques I learned while receiving MLT. The marbles was some months back off the top of my head during a hand flare.

Imagine what we can do with a spatula. Hilarious!

Our oldest daughter Kharisma and our grandson De’Mantai will be on a Greyhound soon, destination Texas to spend time with our daughter Rikki who moved there in November. From there Rikki is driving them to my parents in Georgia as previously planned.

We learned 2 days ago that my dad has 4 blood clots in one leg and 3 in the other. These are unrelated to his stage 4 cancer. He’s an active man, but he’s to be on bed rest now with the blood thinners and depression is already.present as a result.

My wish is that their grandkids arriving in a week or so brings them all comfort.

Today is a significant anniversary to something I won’t mention this time. This year there won’t be any grief over it. It had taken awhile to let that one go. It’s been gone as it was for so long a year today. The 26th will be the anniversary to the injury that led to CRPS 17 years ago. Ridding myself of most of that too. It’s like a bug you can’t flick off.

The bruising is fading from the dog bite on new years eve and the bites themselves are doing well. His are a little slower healing. I mixed lavender with OTC lidocaine, and fresh steeped Turmeric for topical relief.

Well I’m off to play with my balls, check in with mom, steep another batch of my medicinal tea concoction, do a few Spanish lessons and burn some white sage which I’ve done each day since starting. It really has helped restore balance and life force, but I suppose it wouldn’t if.I didn’t believe in it.

Oh where oh where have my marbles gone.

Happy 2nd week of 2018.

Through The Fire

Posted by twinklev

“He never promised that the cross would not get heavy

And the hill would not be hard to climb.
He never offered a victory without fighting.

He said help would always come in time.”

https://youtu.be/kRn7gpxUSg4

So many times I question the certain circumstances

And things I could not understand.

Many times in trials my weakness blurs my vision 
And that's when my frustration gets so out of hand.

It's then I am reminded, I've never been forsaken.
I've never had to stand one test alone.

As I look at all the victories, the Spirit rises up in me.
And It's through the fire my weakness is made strong.

He never promised that the cross would not get heavy
And the hill would not be hard to climb.

He never offered a victory without fighting.
He said help would always come in time.

Just remember when you're standing in the valley of decision
And the advisory says give in, Just hold on.

Our Lord will show up (Yeah)
And He will take you through the fire again

I know within myself that I would surly perish
If I trust the hand of God, He'll shield the flame again.

He never promised that the cross would not get heavy
And the hill would not be hard to climb.
He never offered a victory without fighting.
He said help would always come in time.
Just remember when you're standing in the valley of decision
And the advisory says give in, Just hold on.
Our Lord will show up (Yeah)
And He will take you through the fire again

Just hold on
Our Lord will show up (Yeah)
And He will take you through the fire again.

Through The Fire

The Crabb Family Live

The Day After Yesterday

Posted by twinklev

Our new years day and evening was pleasant. He worked that morning and.our son was coming to get me for Church as arranged. I was up at 8:00 a.m. and ready for his arrival.

I called him before he reached me to tell him I couldn’t go after all. My dogs were in a mood and and even though I had already separated them in order to leave, as soon as I closed the door behind me and stepped outside the gate to meet Ozra they started howling like wolves, loudly. I could hear them from the driveway. I had an uneasy feeling.

My husband got home from work early afternoon. I had done chores, my physical routines, and got everything ready to cook the next day.

We played Words, listened to music and I was inclined to reactivate Facebook to wish everyone a happy New Year, share some progress and family.

All was good.

And then,

The dog fight. I mean that literally. We both jumped up, he grabbed 2 of them, and was bit pretty badly in 3 fingers and his thumb. I grabbed the other 2 that suddenly wanted to fight as well and was bit pretty good with both a gash and puncture in my left lower thumb. The puncture hit the bone and swelled through to the palm of my hand.

Now I had 2 near worthless hands, he had one good one. As we’re both securing our own mass bleeding my mind goes straight to I don’t care about CRPS. Don’t care about if a flare starts, not worried about a spread. If I cared that much I would have reminded myself before I intervened, I have CRPS you can’t get involved in a dog fight and don’t help him either. I might think a lot of things, but I don’t think like that.

Regardless of the situation, I had planned to cook a Turkey and it still needed to get done.

I re deactivated Facebook.

I needed to get creative in order to achieve my goal and throw any pain or thoughts of it away that could otherwise halt or alter new years day.

At 3:30 p.m yesterday the bird came out of the oven and dinner was still a success.

He left for work nearly 2 hours ago swollen, punctured and gashed. He works in fulfillment, he uses his hands and feet all day. I’m not sure how he’ll manage the shift but I have faith in him that even in pain he will.

The only part I got upset at but held back on repeating was that I told him immediately to wash his hands. He didn’t. Today his hand shows signs of infection. Today too I did mention again that I told him to care for it and he said he did. Yeah once the next day. To be clear, I’m speaking of wound washing. Before work he went to buy peroxide, triple antibiotic ointment and bandages.

We want help, advice, want our injuries and pain acknowledged, yet won’t consider enough any that’s given until it’s too late to reduce further damage, complications or pain.

I’m glad it happened on the eve. It went bye bye at midnight and yesterday was good even though my perception or mindset could have been all bad.

Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.” –Oprah Winfrey

New Years Eve Wishes

Posted by twinklev

For those of you celebrating out and about, I wish you a safe, fun filled, and beautiful new years evening. For those of you spending it home and alone, I wish you peace, love and warmth. My heart is with you.

For the caregivers taking care of others, I wish you tranquility. For those with chronic illness(s) of their own who care for their loved ones anyway, I wish you serenity and a moment to reflect on your worth. Thank you for all you do..

For those staying in, I wish you a lovely night.

We’re staying in.

Good Again for Now

Posted by twinklev

It’s hard to believe it’s only been a year. This time last year I was getting ready to go to Tennessee for my second set of treatments for MLT. I had stayed 2 weeks. In addition to medication management and SCS, I generally had a lumbar sympathetic pain block each year for 16 years. Last year it was replaced by MLT this year it’ll have to be me for me.

Finally getting over the flu. I had the flu shot in November, but the lady at the pharmacy said many different strains are out and about. Resumed my normal routines 2 days ago. During the worse of it, I still did some daily, not all. I don’t think I would have ended up in a flare. I am thankful that a couple of flares a years whether or not accompanied by a depressive episode is so much better than the constistant several, long in duration, and painful ones that came with too many years.

My daughter gifted me an espresso maker for Christmas. Today is the first day I used it. Ozra gave me a new Samsung Galaxy S6 cell phone. I got it on the 20th but was so sick I didn’t even play with it. My husband gave me slipper boots, a blow dryer and a curling wand. Not that I need curls, my own are quite nice, but now I can change them up. 🙂

Playing a lot of Words with Friends (scrabble) mostly with my husband which is a good thing. For me it helps my mind recall words, be with him differently, and have fun at the same time.

I’m blogging via my Kindle until my laptop is functional again. Hand and finger therapy.

Stronger Than Pain INC is moving along and we look forward to 2018.

Today is laundry, espresso, words and music.
Back to Church in the morning.

I wish you all a better, comforting, uplifting,

And Happy New New Year.

Into The New Year

Posted by twinklev

It’s been about 6 weeks since my husband’s 3rd heart attack. I’m just now bringing myself back up from the worse depressive low in 11 months. It’s been 4 weeks since I deactivated my Facebook. In my emotional despair I moved out of our house and into the 2 room conversion. I would only come inside when he was at work. In the depression, I could only think I had to teach myself to live without him because if I didn’t I would never know how to for myself.
Depression and suicidal ideations often co exist, yet one doesn’t always have to include the other. I wasn’t suicidal, I just couldn’t feel anything but heartache.
I’ve been sick since the 17th and it took its toll on me as well. I can’t risk missing a day of stretching because my body needs it for chronic pain maintenance. My ribs hurt so bad from coughing, I could feel my physical stability decline too.

My Diverticulosis flared into Diverticulitis to the point I had to buy baby butt cream because I was so raw from “those” accidents that simultaneously included the inability to control my bladder it was like a severe diaper rash.

Of course that hasn’t been a pleasant experience and depression worsened. On top of it, I can feel my skeletal frame shifting again, I could barely lift my head due to the pulling in my neck. If I could get my head up high enough I could get moments of relief, but it was difficult to maintain its position. I have a travel pillow that will encircle the neck and button closed. I used it to support my head and neck when sitting and sleeping. I had to sleep laying on my arm behind my back.

I smudged our home and prayed for peace, tranquility, love, light. I prayed for guidance from the angels, healers and teachers. I gave gratitude for my experiences, the good, the bad, and the ugly, so that I might heal and teach others as my journey continues.

Even though my low was unsteady, Today, I praise myself for getting through it by my own self will and the encouragement of a loved one that I would.

I am.

Into the new year…