Nobody knew that my first and only grandson may have been the second miracle of my life. My daughters Kharisma and Erykah have never had what most pre teens, teenagers or women have. A normal menstrual cycle. Many of us lack normalcy, but my daughter’s have but 1 or 2 a year. So if you believe in a God above, you must believe that De’Mantai Xayvier as a blessing. While it’s been mentioned by my oldest daughter, his mother, Kharisma Anna Magdelena many times, she was 17 when he was born. She calls herself a single  Mama, but ‘Tai’s Daddy is good, too. Some have taken and some have given to him, I give because I feel and when someone feels, they know.

I’ve never been regular in my life and I will never know if it played a factor in losing my twins, one which was ectopic, the other which resided in my uterus, and both of which were removed from me at the same time without notice. I was that close to not making it. It wasn’t the first time in my life I was close to heaven. The first was upon my own birth, prior, the loss of my own twin.

It’s easy to make jokes, God didn’t want there to be two of me.

I know my 2 have a Mama there .. they still have me!

After the loss of my own twins and the Exploratory Laporatomy that still teaches new doctors today, I was reminded for years by the scar that begins at the left side of my belly and ends at the right. The incision that broke open, high, diagonally. , ugly, just a terrible reminder.  As I began to try to let it go, mostly for the one I wasn’t given a chance to save, the one inside my uterus, I prayed for ease.

I was told I was never able to have anymore children. I was 24. It was 1991. I had 2 beautiful baby girls. And babies they still were. If my twins had survived I would have had 4 babies in 4 years. It was a blessing some said. God made your choice for you! What choice?

No more babies for me!

The years went on, we worked so hard to give our girls all that we could. They had the doll houses, the park benches, washers and dryers, kitchen sets, Teddy Ruxpin (We still have him), neo pets, easy bake oven, so much.

When our girls were 8 and 9, I wasn’t feeling all that hot. I was always hot. Spiritual fire, fire and light, inspired, a life of service, for the people, always for the people, one way or the other. I made my life career in West Sacramento, CA.

I was pregnant! 1996. They said I couldn’t have it. So content. I knew he would be mine! And he was! Just like my daughters … mine!

That cord wrapped around his neck, body, as I attempted to deliver him. I could see signs on my husbands face, I pretended they weren’t there, my doctor, so calm, saved me and Kurtis, as he spun him so very fast as his 8 pound 4 ounce body exited me…

I’m so proud of all my babies. Kharisma, Erykah, Kurtis and De’Mantai…

And while I am waiting for grand babies, I know I might only be blessed with his choice again…

I’m ready!

I also understand ‘Tai may be our only..

My blood will still survive me.