A good friend said to me “It seems like you’re always defending something”. Something. I could hear my voice crack into the conference call as tears began to well up in my eyes. I had never thought of it that way. I hadn’t realized.

Almost instantaneously I responded “I am. I’m defending my life”.

I’m defending my reason for living, I’m defending who I was, and who I’m not anymore. I’m defending my here and now. I’m defending my choices, my actions and my existence. Each why I must, why I do and why I can’t. I’m defending the things I’m able to do, and everything I haven’t been able to do yet or never will. I’m defending my inability to do for others, my instability and my ability to try and keep trying for me.

I’m defending my pain, my passion and my purpose. Those 3 P’s that had paved my way into it all.

It’s a process and I’m still healing forward.

I’m just a new kind of work in progress.