#StrongerThanPain

Kratom and 7OH

Posted by

0

Laid up with so much to do.

I’ve been able to manage pain enough to keep myself stable, most days.

I utilize both Kratom and 7OH. Kratom tea has been a daily modality for nearly 7 years aside from a couple 1-3 day pauses in consumption.

Kratom, while a life preserver isn’t always sufficient for the intensities of pain as a result of multiple illnesses, injuries and disorders.

In March of 2024, I tried 7OH after visiting my Mama and making the trip to Georgia, a month prior. That was the last time I spent with her earthside. She passed away in her home, barely 5 days after beginning hospice. I wasn’t with her, but my sisters and GA family were.

I made it to her laying to rest, and I only had 3 days to accomplish it, as she’s Catholic and that occurred on the 3rd day. I hardly know how I made the trip, other than a few people donated toward my ticket which helped. Because it was an on the spot ticket it was $804.00. I was able to pay the down payment and pay the balance in installments over the next 6 week via PayPal’s Pay in 4. I’ll always be grateful as there were expenses in just traveling, gas. It accumulated quickly.. My mama lived a couple hours from Atlanta. I had to be picked up and taken back. I stayed at Mama’s house which is my Sister’s now.

7OH helped a great deal when I sprained my ankle, last November. An acute rescue. My foot is only now finally healed from the visible trauma. Pain in both feet are constant. The tear line only eased off about 6 weeks ago. I nibble the 7OH, tiny serving sizes. Micro amounts. I used the 10 mg tablet until I switched companies. The 12 mg tablet is their lowest.

Forward to now, I wake each morning with a cup of Kratom tea or what most call swamp water. 7OH is for the tougher days. I may take it on a day, consecutively or not at all. Having it on hand has been a blessing equal to my other blessings which is a full chronic care toolbox of items.

Because of a medical situation and condition, I paused Kratom tea on Saturday. No withdrawals.

I’ve been physically limited in movement. My coccyx or disc has slipped. This has occurred many times, but this is the first time since I was completely incapacitated for 6 months in 2023 and another time that year for 8 weeks.

I have osteophytes throughout my spine and that may be contributing.

I’m horribly swollen and CRPS areas discolored from the edema. My back is the worse of it right now.

Laid up with so much to do. Our Church Thanksgiving is this Sunday, I need to make a dish for the gathering. I signed up to do so.  I still have a few days so I’m hopeful that I can achieve it.

The Kratom Stories Podcast newest premiere is tomorrow following our meetup on the Skool Platform, formerly the X Space. After those, Christopher’s Tea Talks on Zoom, and Saturday, The Kratom Gals livestream.

I may have to miss 1 of these tomorrow.

I’ve been participating with the International Pain Foundations NERVEmber project as I have since 2011 or about. A couple of times over the years I couldn’t do as much, barely a few shares. A few of those times were broken or sprained bones. 2 of those years included an overwhelming nervous breakdown and sporadic involvement. I still tried.. The internet helps participation when disabilities get in the way and other times, unwell is unwell and it can still be a hindered experience.

My husband is at work all day, so I don’t have any help. He leaves at 5:00 a.m. and generally doesn’t get home until 6-6:30 p.m. Time enough to have dinner and go to bed.

My Church wouldn’t be upset at me, if I couldn’t make food to take. They’ve always been quite accommodating.

I enjoy contributing and fellowship. I adore being of service as their Community Manager.

I dislike that my already limited ability is minimized to even less at the moment. It’s difficult to catch up and wears me mentally, and emotionally, in addition to physically.

I’ve fought so hard to be where I am and somewhat content for what it all is. My current state is depressing hardly able to budge, or take a step.

I’m grateful for both Kratom and 7OH. They’re not the same, yet they’re assistive per my various needs in managing chronic illnesses and intractable pain.

I haven’t been under the care of a doctor in nearly 10 years.

All the Glory to God.

And only God.

Celebrating 57

Posted by

0

Its been a wonderful birthday week.

Last Saturday, my husband and I met up with our son, his beautiful wife, and our precious grandchildren Ezekiel, Greyson, and Liliana to attend a non profit benefit. The organization- Project Ride has several fundraising benefits annually, but I’d asked to go to the Spaghetti Feed, a few months back, as an early birthday gift of family time.

I wish my daughter Rikki was here. She lives in Michigan.

My son secured our tickets and we had a great time.

In order to be able to manage weight bearing, I did my usual prep routine. I’d gotten Lidocaine on both feet the day prior, otherwise, I’d have not been able to endure the footwear and walking on uneven ground. It was a sand floor. The benefit takes place in an enormous barn with a at least a thousand people present. Of course, I had my noise reducing ear plugs in but loose and secure. No one can tell that I have these in, unless I reveal it. That’s rare. The buds are discreet and I can tap them in as necessary, and re loosen simply.

I didn’t take my cane because I saved up my leg time to not have to. It all ended in perfect timing as an accomplished evening. The event was located in Elk Grove and not too far from our home. My Son drove an hour to meet us there. He lives in Fairfield, closer to the Bay Area. I have Kratom tea for on the go, and OTC analgesics, as well. We were back home about 3 hours later. I wasn’t forced to push too hard to manage making beautiful memories.

I’m hoping to make it part of my routine to attend yearly.

October 18, 2025

Today, my born day, we had our oldest daughter and grandson over. I made 15 homemade low carb enchiladas on Friday. All I’d have to do when they arrived was bake them.

Living with multiple chronic conditions and intractable pain stole too many years.

I’m clever in my planning and always mindful to pace my body and activities. By doing so, I can do anything! Well, perhaps not, but much more than the first 20 years with CRPS and these specific permanent disabilities. I’ll be at the 25th year January 26th. Others are unrelated.

I’m just always careful to not overdo and not push myself excessively. I push beyond my limits already, there’s a fine line to that becoming the edge.

While a flare is increasing in intensity, I’m okay enough right now and I know in a few days it’ll begin to ease from this acute instigation. I’ll definitely need a few days to recover and that’s okay.

This morning began with attending Church. I presented our Welcome, Scripture and Prayer to the congregation both in-person and online.

Unfortunately, I swell regularly. I dislike my appearance while it’s occurring. Inflammation is daily. I woke with my whole body swollen, my face puffy. By afternoon that subsided some. It’s always present to a degree.

My blood oxygen has been on the lower side for more than a decade. Finally, I’ve gotten back on a CPAP.

Even with my machine its still low, but I’ve had a few nights better. Just not too many as of yet. I’m presuming lack of blood flow, circulation, and feeling like my air has been turned down contributes, as well as living in pain each and every day no matter what I do or don’t do.

I don’t smile because life is good; I smile because God is.

I became my Church’ Official Community Manager in June 2025. This upcoming March will be 6 years since I’ve held this position in service.

All the Glory to the Father!

Celebrating 57
October 26, 2025

Thank you, Jesus!

Information on Project Ride, Inc.

Harnessing The Magic to Change Lives

44 years of accreditation.

Project R.I.D.E. Inc. offers therapeutic recreational horseback riding instruction to over 600 riders with disabilities and special needs. Our goal is to improve physical, emotional, and social functioning through participation in a highly structured and safe program. Riders’ interaction with carefully selected and trained horses improves their balance, posture, flexibility, sensory awareness, and endurance, in addition to increasing confidence, self-esteem, self-discipline, motivation, attention span, and integration with non-disabled peers.
Our program certainly has therapeutic benefits, but it is recreational in nature and is meant to be a fun activity that aligns with the goals of other therapeutic interventions.

Mission Statement: Project R.I.D.E. will provide children and adults with special needs a safe, educational and recreational equine experience to enrich their physical and emotional development.

About

Forward in faith…

When I Say I don’t Want To Talk About It

Posted by

0

When I say, I don’t want to talk about it, what I really mean is I don’t want to dwell on it or revive visceral emotions. I refrain from extra sadness on my heart.

Its become a habit of sort to halt certain conversations as they begin.

I get in a lalala mode in my head immediately and I don’t do well to proceed answering certain questions especially in regard to family matters.

I’m not speaking of internet relations although I suppose it applies.

I become overly anxious.

It’s a trauma response. Instead of going through the motions of explaining or engaging, I simply leave it or allow it to trail off.

I’m decent, polite. I just don’t let myself feel pressured or flustered.

Some people aren’t asking how we are, or how something is going because they actually care…

its because they’re fishing for the scoop.

Generally, I’m an open book. Not all things are someone elses business, though.

These last several years have been an extention of healing from the other hardships years prior.

It takes a great deal of effort to both stand my ground and be cordial and kind in the midst of intractable pain and managing my own well being.

Stress is an enemy.

I care for me, for me, so that I can care for my husband, my loved ones and then anyone else I might assist.

It’s taken a lot of time with God to get me here.

Inner peace is valuable. I have to avoid becoming overwhelmed and overestimated.

I still struggle with bits of stimming and meltdowns. Tears have lightened.

Gracias Dios.

Pouring myself into bible verse, chapters, and gospel has been beautiful.

Church, Spanish Lessons, Music Movement Therapy are all personal gains and distractions each week.

Speaking of Church, I have great news to share soon. Amazing news!

It’s been nearly 2 years since I’ve blogged an entry here. A lot to write about if I get an inclination to do so.  🙂

Feliz viernes!

Everything in Moderation

Posted by

0

Quote by Oscar Wilde: “Everything in moderation, including moderation.”

It’s good to avoid extremes?!

This quote has been playing on my mind.

I’ve been consuming low carbohydrates since March. I’ve reached my initial goal of losing 35 pounds just last week.

I began Music Movement Therapy in August. I think I’ve previously mentioned that. I needed something to transition to from my Summertime water therapy. I had some worry on me because while I spend as much time as able in my kiddie pool each year during warm and hot weather, the colder months seemed to leave me stranded without that. I would lose much of my benefit that water stretch and movement offered.

I have a stationary bike a few feet away from me, and it sounds odd that I can’t pedal on it without so much discomfort that wanting to try again is actually stressful for me. I can’t seem to go longer than a minute, two at best.

My Music Movement Therapy has at least given me a sprinkle of motivation. I love to dance! And while I wouldn’t consider this dancing, some would. I started with my son’s song California Dreamin’.

I’m up to 3 songs now. A combined 14 minutes. I’m using 2 lb dumbbells and I’m on my feet the entire time. Forward steps, backward steps, side steps, walking in place, lunges. I can’t hold a lunge yet. The weights help me achieve what I’m doing though. When weights are above my head my knee is bent forward, weights come down its back leg stretch. I may not be explaining myself correctly. Hmm. Anyhow, quick forward, quick back. I’ve tried without the weights, but I’m weaker on my feet/legs that way, and stumble, mis step at times.

“Everything in moderation, including moderation.”

I’m not sure if I’m trying too much too soon. I do think that my eagerness to do so is in a positive light. It’s now or never. It’s said that it takes 3 weeks to make or break a habit. I’ve made a good habit to do my songs each day minus only a handful of times I wasn’t able to. Physical strain. I try to avoid the word pain anymore.

No pain, no gain? Use it, or lose it? Such a fine line at times. M o d e r a t i o n.

It’s only been a few months. At this point, I’m not disappointed in myself.

My kiddos gifted me a Fit Bit for my birthday last month. I adore it. My daily steps seem good. It does record other movements as steps and so I’m not entirely certain of actual steps accuracy.

I set it to lose 25 more pounds. 23 to go. If I get that off it would be a total of 60.

If…

I’m 53 now. I can barely believe it! This January will be 21 years since the injuries that led to CRPS occurred.

I feel like this is my last chance.

I’m keeping stressors and triggers at a distance. It’s taken me years now to get to this point. Especially in regard to secondary major depression and anxiety disorders.

If I don’t keep these stable none of this will make a difference.

Chronic Pain Disrupts Emotions

Posted by

0

It does, doesn’t it?

This blog is in reference to:

How Chronic Pain Disrupts Emotions
7/28/2021 By Pat Anson, PNN Editor

https://www.painnewsnetwork.org/stories/2021/7/28/how-chronic-pain-disrupts-emotions

“Chronic pain is more than an awful sensation,” says senior author Sylvia Gustin, PhD, a neuroscientist and associate professor at the University of Sydney’s School of Psychology. “It can affect our feelings, beliefs and the way we are. 

“We have discovered, for the first time, that ongoing pain is associated with a decrease in GABA, an inhibitive neurotransmitter in the medial prefrontal cortex. In other words, there’s an actual pathological change going on.”

I hope you read this article by PNN in its entirety.

Earlier this year, I began taking GABA by NOW. It’s for neurotransmitter support. I had read that it could help decrease pain by stabilizing emotions. Oxidative Stress.

Having CRPS type 2 and several other chronic and incurable physical conditions, I acquired major depressive disorder, anxiety disorders and suicidal tendencies along the way.

Standing causes an intense rise in pain which sends my brain into attempting to manage the moment. I’ve been flooded with emotions throughout my days. Positive self talk immediately, “I got this”, “God got me”, “Just one more step”.

When pain is severe those words of encouragement are helpful yet also defeating at times. Our brain still knows it’s stressed even if we play positive tricks for out minds. Depression can still slip through, mood can become or remain unstable, temper may rise, and the list goes on.

Why? Because it hurts that damn bad. We’re not meant to endure such pain.

I do believe that over time our brains rewire negatively. Fight or Flight plays a major role in RSD/CRPS. Stress is our enemy.

For 5 years, I’ve been attempting to heal myself of these accumulated changes, the impact of chronic illness, coping. Brain fog?!

What about all the times we’ve become irritated and annoyed? At ourselves or others? For many of us that’s NOT who we are. It’s understandable that chronic pain would disrupt our emotions to this extent.

The first couple of weeks I didn’t notice any change at all when I started the GABA. The purchase wouldn’t have been a loss. It was reasonable at about $12 on Amazon. As I continued to take it, I began feeling better emotionally. I had been taking Ashwagandha and Valerian Root. Anxiety and Depression can be a bish and these helped tone down those emotions. I’ve been able to skip Ashwagandha. I still use Valerian Root occasionally, as needed.

The GABA hasn’t reduced physical pain at this point. It has though lightened my overall load. It took 10-12 weeks. For me, this is definitely a keeper for the tool box.

I hope this information is helpful to someone. Feel welcome to let me know if you’re already using it, and any benefits you’ve noticed. I’m interested.

I’m including 2 other references that you may find informative.

Putting the brakes on pain: Researchers protect GABA neurons from oxidative stress

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/08/130805113430.htm

What Does Gamma Aminobutyric Acid (GABA) Do?

https://www.healthline.com/health/gamma-aminobutyric-acid

I’m not sure if this will cause adverse reactions with prescribed medications. I only use OTC relievers and supplements. I’ve had no negative interactions. Stay safe!

Happy Friday!

My Son and His Son’s

Posted by

0

I shared previously my excitement of being a Nana again.

Many of you know my son from our advocacy days together. Others know him from his music and lyric. Perhaps some of you know both.

Ozra joined me in CRPS/RSD and health advocacy in his young youth. In fact, my oldest grandson did, also.

My son’s hobby is music, writing verse, performing. Expression. He had a severe traumatic brain injury at 14, so I’m quite proud of him. The majority of people can’t tell that he lives with residual damage to his brain. It’s an invisible disability. In addition to the other brain injuries, his frontal and temporal lobes were danaged. He attended speech therapy for some time after his lengthy intensive care hospitalization.

He hasn’t been able to smell since. It’s been 10 years.

His 2 year marriage anniversary was July 1st. His beautiful, loving, supportive wife conceived Ezekiel a few months later and Greyson was within a few short months of Zeke’s birth.

Ozra with his son’s. Ezekiel, 13 months, and Greyson, 1 week. #StrongerThanPain

His school implemented a 504 Plan for him. I never applied for disability for him.

The 504 Plan is a plan developed to ensure that a child who has a disability identified under the law and is attending an elementary or secondary educational institution receives accommodations that will ensure their academic success and access to the learning environment.

He wasn’t allowed to return to school for several months after recovery and healing. He then returned briefly and it didn’t work out. They encouraged the filing for disability and labeling him. Separate segragated learning instead of main stream with all his peers. Nah. This might be a good thing for some children, I don’t know. It wasn’t for us.

I removed him from public school and home schooled him until he graduated high school. He never really attended in person high school. Initially he was a semester behind, yet he recieved his diploma on time.

His teenage years was filled attending Church, youth events, and volunteering. This let him be around people and build his social and communication skills. He did miss out on those high school years though.

Some people were like wow with his first son, and then double wow with his second. My son is 24.

I’m overjoyed!

Times were different but I had 2 daughters 12 months apart by 20. He has 2 sons, 12 months and 3 weeks apart at 24. Perfectly okay.

He’s always earned good money. He began working soon after his TBI recovery. He was 15 then. He earns a good living even now. His wife earns well, too. Team work makes the dream work.

See why I’m proud? And ecstatic?

I can’t help but wonder if I had listened to the school and complied with the status and decisions for my child if my son would have ever excelled in the capacity that he has.

My gut tells me he would not have.

4th Grandlove

Posted by

0

I’m a Nana again! In 2020, we had our one and only grandson of 14 years. Now we have 4.

All boys!

Our oldest turned 15 in early February.

Ezekiel and Zy’Aire were both born in 2020.

Greyson was born 2 days ago.

Our oldest grandlove De’Mantai and Zy’Aire are brothers from our oldest daughter, Kharisma.

Ezekiel and Greyson are brothers from our only son and last baby, Kurtis Ozra.

Our second daughter Rikki will most likely never have children. Both of our daughters are in their 30s.

I prayed for this! I can remember being so distraught over my husbands 3rd and 4th heart attacks in 2017 and 2018 that all I could think of is Dear God please give us more grands in our lifetime.

Our oldest grandson lit up our lives. He was born shortly before my husbands first heart attack. The quadruple bypass open heart surgery came shortly after the 2nd in 2012.

Answered prayers.

Ozra’s 2 sons carry on our name, naturally. My son was the only one to carry it when I gave birth to him. There is another now to carry it as well. Our nieces son, our nephew. He has the family name rather than his father’s.

I’ve been physically limited the last few weeks, more so than normally,, and other than 30 minutes about 9 days ago, I haven’t been able to resume my water PT.

My hair was in a braids bun for at least 10 days. Uncombed, messy. Didn’t care. It was the last thing on any to do list. The important things I had no choice but to do. Getting myself to the bathroom was one of them.

The day Greyson was born I soaked in epsoms and combed my hair out. That was a chore of its own. I went to the patio where my kiddie pool is and just embraced the sunshine, celebrating Greyson.

#StrongerThanPain

I couldn’t lower myself into the water, but I sat there in nature thanking Jesus for my blessings. I snapped a selfie so that my new grandlove will know, in the future, that he was my strength that day.

A few people told me I didn’t look old enough to be a grandma. That was kind of them.

I’ve been a Nana since I was 37. I’ll be 53 in about 3 months.

God is good.

All the time

Self-Managing Comorbidities

Posted by

0

I keep trying to make a positive difference in managing my life for CRPS with comorbidities. I’ve been doing low carbs since March. I’ve attempted my usual summertime physical therapy using a kiddie pool. I do this each year.

Inside the water I can do 20 push-ups! Outside it, zero. In the water, 100 leg slides. Well, that’s what I call them. Outside the water, barely a handful.

I’m always thinking that if I can do enough inside water that it will benefit me outside. If water wasn’t weightless, I couldn’t achieve these.

As far as low carbs, I’m not doing Keto really. I’m just extra mindful of my carbohydrate intake. Generally, staying around 35 net carbs daily.

My kidneys and colon have a hard time with lower carbs. Meat and cheese is my enemy. Our western diets can cause Diverticulosis, or at least contribute to it. I’m sure it contributed to mine. The last time I did low carbs I had intensely painful bouts of Diverticulitis. It took months to settle down entirely.

This time, my right kidney threw a fit. My kidneys are at about 50 percent of normal function. I’ve self managed it fairly well since diagnosis approximately 8 years ago.

I was diagnosed with NAFLD about 10 years ago. I wasn’t drinking alcohol back then.

I’ve already had part of my liver removed for hemangioma, tangled blood vessels. It was during a surgery to remove a remainder of Gallbladder left behind from a Gallbladder surgery a year prior. There’s still more masses on my liver that wasn’t removed.

I haven’t had much pain there since Manual Ligament Therapy in late 2016, early 2017. The therapy was for my CRPS and Spine, but I recieved benefit for other issues, including Gastritis.

Unfortunately, my belly does swell horribly at times, but pain there, for the most part, has been manageable.

I’ve been praying less weight will equal being easier to weight bear. Less impact on my bones. I’ve had Juvinile Arthritis and mild Cerebral Palsy since the beginning of my life.

I don’t know if I had Scoliosis earlier as well, I wasn’t formerly diagnosed with Levoscoliosis until 2016.

What I do know is there’s too many sprains, strains, and fractures, and I’m not entirely sure how to keep them from reoccurring. My muscles are weak. I’ve had vitamin D deficiency for several years, and do take OTC supplements.

Water PT gifts me natural D, sunshine, and nature. It’s a win win when I can get to my patio for it. It’s also my favorite time to thank Jesus for all he does for me, and with me.

Today I remind myself that no matter how it may seem at times, or even how it feels…

I am perseverance; I am resilience.

I am Stronger Than Pain.

Adjusting the volume on Pain and Emotions

Posted by

0

I’m still sober. As some of you know, I was drinking to relieve pain associated with CRPS, nerve damage, neuropathy, spinal disorders, and a handful of other things. I’ve also mentioned that while it did help some it also worsened my depression.

In heightened pain, I over think. The worse for me is reliving old traumas, or becoming anxious over things I’ll never be able to change.

We’ll never be able to change anything in the past. We can only change today.

During this sobriety, I’ve been struggling to cope with a situation that developed prior to me quitting drinking and has escalated since.

I’ll need to be vague in order to express myself. I’m not able to reveal what it is. Not here or anywhere else.

It’s not something that I’ve done and it’s not directly related to me yet it is a heavy hurt to carry.

I previously spoke of distraction. This is also something I very much need to be distracted from. I feel deeply pained over it and heartachingly helpless.

If this would’ve happened 3 years ago, I’d have most likely had a drink over it. I’d have lost my shit over this much more than I already have.

I’ve adjusted the volume on pain and emotions.

If I don’t keep myself emotionally stable I’m no good to anyone. This much I know. I do minimize often. In this regard, when someone asks how I’m doing, I just say, okay, or something similar, sometimes with playful rhetoric.

Aren’t most of us the same? We have no one to really talk to, who’ll remain loyal. And we often tell one another “You’re not alone”. The problem with that is that while it’s a nice thing to say, many, are in fact, alone. Some people will listen just to gossip or reveal you to others. The person we could trust, we hesitate to reach out because we don’t want to put our crap on them.

Venting doesn’t help and revealing provokes commentary and opinion.

I know I’d have the support of many with love, care and prayer and I also know that the lurkers and stalkers that don’t support or offer kindness for anything, yet watch your every move, would have a field day as if they’re some kind of perfect in there own lives. Some thrive on judgement.

You might wonder how adjusting my volume on pain and emotions help me. It’s the peace comes with it. No drama comes of it.

The downfall is keeping parts of our lives to ourselves and therefore going through things alone.

Sharing positivity, inspirations, funnies, and my grandchildren are generally the best way out of emotional moments for me. On Factbook, and social media, that is.

My physical self just continues to decline. Depression, I have to keep tucked away or honestly I become more depressed. Let’s face it, a lot people don’t much want to be around unwell people. It doesn’t matter if its physical, mental, alcohol abuse or addiction. I can hardly blame them.

The hardest part of this is that I still have no medical help for my life and so I’m limited in what I can do and the main reason I can’t do what I may have otherwise been able to accomplish with medical assistance.

I have no choice but to endure. I just pray that eventually life’s pileups ease and become less frequent.

I need a break.

Recovery

Posted by

0

Recovery is never owned. It is always rented; And the rent is due everyday.

I speak from experience and of a place where recovery in each of these aspects were bleak for some time. Hopeless.

Recovery from anything is badass. Try, try again, if we must, but let’s not stop trying. Eventually the pain lessons. I’m not speaking of physical pain as that isn’t always possible. Many illnesses, progress. The mental pain, anguish, depression and despair that often comes with, can.

Recovery

I can hardly describe the level of “worn” I had become.

I kept on keeping on though. Trying.

The many years of being a pain patient advocate helped restore purpose from prior years of being bed bound. My Spinal Cord Stimulator permanent implant in 2006 gave me extra life to do so. It may not have been a lot, but it was a lot to me and I was grateful.

The last couple of years I’ve been learning to live without it. I had its benefit for a decade.

Imagine suddenly revising the bit of life it offered to no more or very little once more. That was an ouch on my mental health and I had to recover myself from that loss. I think I’ve mentioned a few times before its still implanted, non working. This year will be 15 years since it first became apart of my body.

For the longest time I found myself adjusting my body to the stimulation that wasn’t on. Habit. I was mindful that it was time to charge my internal battery, yet it wasn’t.

These things may seem odd, but it had been routine for so long.

I’m currently attempting to recover from weight gain. I was doing low carbs in late 2019 when my ankle broke. I fell off that as I was laid up from it for a time being. CoVid emerged and when people were buying and hoarding toilet paper, our only staple became rice. Anything goes with rice. We didn’t have stocked cupboards or pantries full of backup food items. We had rice! The carbohydrates flourished.

I’ve been back on low carbs for about 11 weeks.

Addictions and habits come in many forms. Not all are alcohol or drug related. I know a lot of people with severe sugar addiction. They can’t give it up. In comparison to booze or substances its the same, differently. It creates diabetes and heart disease.

Have you ever heard someone say “at least they’re not on drugs? At least they’re not a alcoholic? I have! Numerous times.

My husband can’t give up his sugar and he has both. He’s had a quadruple open heart surgery and 4 heart attacks. First heart attack at 37 years old and his 4th in 2018 at 51.

Each time he tried and fell back into unhealthy habits.

Is an alcoholic or drug addiction worse than a sugar addiction? I don’t believe so anymore. It’s easy to toss on the stigma for certain groups and minimize the same problem in others, yet sugar kills too. Any bad habit is harmful.

I’m also recovering from his choice to have his snacks. I didn’t want him to. I want him to live. In my own healing, I realized I can’t make him choose better. Only he can do that.

We all, every one of us, has something we do to cope. We all vary. Even Workaholics are consumed by an addiction. I could go on and on.

We have to find our road to recovery within ourselves.

The only person who could help me, or make me stop consuming alcohol was me. You can’t guilt shame people into stopping a bad habit. You know what you really do for them with shaming? Nudge them toward another shot of booze or into reaching for their problem of choice, perhaps a cookie binge.

I use to feel, like many patient advocates had and still do, that drug addicts were the reason that I, an incurable non opioid addict, was denied pain care. That’s not true to me anymore, and it hasn’t been for a few years now.

These people didn’t do this to me. It’s the politics, anti opioid crusaders, PROP, physicians running scared, illicit narcotics, and so forth.

I am still bothered by lack of personal responsibility though. Becoming an addict, misusing, or abusing, isn’t solely everyone else’s fault.

Choice and consequence.

Pain is pain and it’s all semantics anyway.

If you’re sober today, I’m proud of you. If you’re not, I’m praying for you.

Forward in faith,

Journey on.