When God Spoke- I Heard Him Clearly!

Posted by twinklev

This has been an overwhelming week. Tears, emotional pain, fear, worry and uncertainty.

These have been hard years in health and hardship. No one knows what its all entailed. A few people have known pieces and parts. Some of it is overflow from a decade ago, some is new or ongoing, and others are sudden crisis situations. Some I saw coming, attempted to prevent or minimize damage to but couldn’t do a darn thing about and additionally, those on the spot occurrences lacking any clue in sight.

Its become drastic. I prayed, and prayed, remained in prayer, held down a breakdown even though it’s been a struggle to stabilize it all. Now, drastic measures are necessary.

I’m not able to elaborate.

I’ve kept myself from rage just barely a time or two. When my anger rose, I prayed. When the tears rained, I prayed, when I was woken out of sleep in panic attacks I prayed and when panic randomly took my breath away throughout the day, I prayed.

I heard Father God clearly. I heard my Lord precisely. I know what to do now. It’s too late for any other choice or remedy.

That time has come and gone without resolve.

I’ve made pre arrangements to start a new life and leave all of this one behind.

I can’t take this one with me- there’s too much pain in it.

I began taking my power back 2 years ago. I know that the perception of others was that this occurred earlier. It didn’t. I can’t stay waiting for others to change and do better for themselves, accountable and responsible. I’ve stayed through thick and thin, for better or for worse, sickness and in health and I have loved, honored and cherished, deeply.

Next year will be 40 years.

He’s sick, I’m sick, and I’m barely able carry the whole load that is always too close to burying me.

Make better a priority.

God was so clear! He’s been trying to tell me but I submitted and complied to my husband’s wishes and ways and not my Father’s.

I must abide in God’s will and only God’s will. It’s for my good and his Glory.

There’s so much to be done now. Hopefully, I don’t crash. I know I carry the spiritual strength of the Lord inside me all the time. I’d have not beaten all that I have already had it not been so.

My husband can come too, but I’m not staying. I cannot!

I’ve secured a new place to live and the vision of a beautiful life is ahead of me. Whatever is left of it- for both of us.

Thank you, Jesus!

Gracias mijo.

Maybe 2026 gonna be my year!

Chronic Pain and Crisis

Posted by twinklev

I woke up at 3:00 a.m. out of my sleep with a panic attack. Its 4:30 a.m. now.

I’ve been trying to steady my emotions while snapping to it to do as much as I can physically since a major home disaster occurred 2 daya ago. An act of God, some may call it.

I was already in a flare a couple of weeks back when I halted use of Kratom tea for a week.

That flare caused a more than moderate spinal flare and I barely had 2 days of resuming tea when this serious issue struck.

Because I had to do all I could to clear debri my back, legs and feet are so bad now.

I’m not a victim by any means, but seriously, a break from tragedy and chaos is greatly needed. Its one thing after another and its always been.

No wonder I never heal.

Yesterday, I tried to keep active with shares and a bit of engagement in between hussling myself to get things cleared, boxed, and trash seperated. My husband can’t get time off work.

I’m the only one doing any of this and its not something that can wait. At all.

I have no clue what we’re going to do.

I doubt I’ll be able to budge much today. I’m hoping to rest or get a nap. I’ve rarely napped in nearly a decade. Many rests, no sleep with it. It pains my body worse and I remain exhausted day after day.

I’ve gotten back on a CPAP but it doesn’t provide better or refreshing sleep for me that’s often raved about. It does occasionally raise my blood oxygen which is a plus because I’m consistently low 90s, high 80s.

I have my back brace on now and relying on it.

I’ll need to eleviate my legs throughout the day, I dread being bed ridden. I already have lidocaine on.

What are you trying to tell me this time God, I’m listening.

Kratom and 7OH

Posted by twinklev

Laid up with so much to do.

I’ve been able to manage pain enough to keep myself stable, most days.

I utilize both Kratom and 7OH. Kratom tea has been a daily modality for nearly 7 years aside from a couple 1-3 day pauses in consumption.

Kratom, while a life preserver isn’t always sufficient for the intensities of pain as a result of multiple illnesses, injuries and disorders.

In March of 2024, I tried 7OH after visiting my Mama and making the trip to Georgia, a month prior. That was the last time I spent with her earthside. She passed away in her home, barely 5 days after beginning hospice. I wasn’t with her, but my sisters and GA family were.

I made it to her laying to rest, and I only had 3 days to accomplish it, as she’s Catholic and that occurred on the 3rd day. I hardly know how I made the trip, other than a few people donated toward my ticket which helped. Because it was an on the spot ticket it was $804.00. I was able to pay the down payment and pay the balance in installments over the next 6 week via PayPal’s Pay in 4. I’ll always be grateful as there were expenses in just traveling, gas. It accumulated quickly.. My mama lived a couple hours from Atlanta. I had to be picked up and taken back. I stayed at Mama’s house which is my Sister’s now.

7OH helped a great deal when I sprained my ankle, last November. An acute rescue. My foot is only now finally healed from the visible trauma. Pain in both feet are constant. The tear line only eased off about 6 weeks ago. I nibble the 7OH, tiny serving sizes. Micro amounts. I used the 10 mg tablet until I switched companies. The 12 mg tablet is their lowest.

Forward to now, I wake each morning with a cup of Kratom tea or what most call swamp water. 7OH is for the tougher days. I may take it on a day, consecutively or not at all. Having it on hand has been a blessing equal to my other blessings which is a full chronic care toolbox of items.

Because of a medical situation and condition, I paused Kratom tea on Saturday. No withdrawals.

I’ve been physically limited in movement. My coccyx or disc has slipped. This has occurred many times, but this is the first time since I was completely incapacitated for 6 months in 2023 and another time that year for 8 weeks.

I have osteophytes throughout my spine and that may be contributing.

I’m horribly swollen and CRPS areas discolored from the edema. My back is the worse of it right now.

Laid up with so much to do. Our Church Thanksgiving is this Sunday, I need to make a dish for the gathering. I signed up to do so. I still have a few days so I’m hopeful that I can achieve it.

The Kratom Stories Podcast newest premiere is tomorrow following our meetup on the Skool Platform, formerly the X Space. After those, Christopher’s Tea Talks on Zoom, and Saturday, The Kratom Gals livestream.

I may have to miss 1 of these tomorrow.

I’ve been participating with the International Pain Foundations NERVEmber project as I have since 2011 or about. A couple of times over the years I couldn’t do as much, barely a few shares. A few of those times were broken or sprained bones. 2 of those years included an overwhelming nervous breakdown and sporadic involvement. I still tried.. The internet helps participation when disabilities get in the way and other times, unwell is unwell and it can still be a hindered experience.

My husband is at work all day, so I don’t have any help. He leaves at 5:00 a.m. and generally doesn’t get home until 6-6:30 p.m. Time enough to have dinner and go to bed.

My Church wouldn’t be upset at me, if I couldn’t make food to take. They’ve always been quite accommodating.

I enjoy contributing and fellowship. I adore being of service as their Community Manager.

I dislike that my already limited ability is minimized to even less at the moment. It’s difficult to catch up and wears me mentally, and emotionally, in addition to physically.

I’ve fought so hard to be where I am and somewhat content for what it all is. My current state is depressing hardly able to budge, or take a step.

I’m grateful for both Kratom and 7OH. They’re not the same, yet they’re assistive per my various needs in managing chronic illnesses and intractable pain.

I haven’t been under the care of a doctor in nearly 10 years.

All the Glory to God.

And only God.